Parenting Teenagers and Taking Care of Yourself

I have heard countless parents of teenagers tell me that they feel overwhelmed on a daily basis and "feel drained" by their lives. They also often report that they feel guilty for feeling this way which makes them feel worse because they feel they "shouldn't" be feeling so overwhelmed. Parents in this situation often report that they are not sleeping well, that they have a short fuse, that they feel they cannot get everything done in the day that they need to, that they are not getting along with their spouses, that they never have time for themselves or even that they are using alcohol to relax in the evenings because they feel they cannot relax on their own.

The fact that I am writing this newsletter tells you that there are many parents who have this experience. Being a parent is a big, demanding commitment and being the parent of a teenager brings even more challenges with it. Parents are often juggling transporting teens, getting them up and ready for school (generally not an easy or enjoyable task), following up with school meetings, working or taking care of the home or both on top of their own day to day needs. It is easy for parents to get lost in the hustle and bustle and then realize that they never do anything for themselves and feel like others are constantly "taking from them". It is also likely that parents in this situation will become resentful at some point which is often what results in their having marital conflict or a short fuse with others. It is important that a parent in this situation, or those heading for this situation, make some changes which will reduce their overall stress. Some examples of things parents can do are listed below.

Tips for Parents:

1. Simplify your schedule. Look at a "typical" weekly schedule and identify all the standing appointments, transports, games, meeting, etc that you have to do. Then look to see if any can be combined, eliminated, or shared with someone else. After you have done this, try to book other appointments that come up in a way that makes sense and minimizes the amount of time or days you are driving around from appointment to appointment.

2. Simplify your household tasks. Look at all the household responsibilities you take care of each week and identify if any can be reduced. For example: are there areas of the house that really don't need thorough cleaning on a regular basis, can your teens pick up one or two things to reduce the time you spend on cleaning or laundry, can you use a grocery delivery service, which often times are not more expensive, to eliminate trips to the store?

3. Simplify Dinners. Cook enough so you can have leftovers or by make easier meals that will save you time. Think about if there is a way to make the dinner process quicker and easier.

4. Remember that sometimes you should say "no". If your teenager is always asking you to do things at the last minute or is putting you on the spot in front of their friends to give them rides it is absolutely appropriate for you to tell them "no" and that they need to be more plan-ful about such things.

5. Make time for yourself a priority. Figure out one thing you can do each week that is just for you. Whether it is taking an exercise class, going golfing or to a lesson of some sort, taking a long bath, going for a walk, going to the library or any other activity that you find enjoying - the point is that you make it a priority. Schedule it in so that nothing else can be scheduled on top of it and so that the time you put aside is truly your time.

You should not feel guilty for setting limits on your time or for scheduling time for yourself. You need to be able to relax and enjoy things for yourself. Doing this will ultimately make you more available and helpful to the others who depend on you.