Part-Time Parenting With a Full Time Heart - Teaching Your Child the Art of Negotiating

As I was cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast this morning, my son came into the room to hand me another plate he found tidying up the living room. I thanked him and then as he was walking away I asked him if he had brushed his teeth yet. "No, not yet" was his answer, but he didn't stop there. He glanced over his shoulder at me and finished with "during the next advertisement, I will" then promptly went back in the living room to finish his Scooby Doo movie. I listened to the program to see when the advertisement would start and sure enough he went and brushed his teeth at the start of it. Now...he has figured out how to negotiate!

Long ago I was taught by my mother, that the only time you should say "no" to your child is if what they want or want to do is going to hurt/kill themselves, harm/kill someone else, is morally wrong or illegal then you should say no. Other than that before you say "no" you need to think why you are saying no, because they deserve to know the reason. In today's world, I have found that too many people just say "no" to their children, not really thinking about why they are saying no. It has just become a habit to say it. I feel this is one of the main reasons that children have such animosity towards their parent/s and are running a muck among us, too many "no's" without thought because it is easier than reasoning, teaching and negotiating with the children. I have chosen to raise my son using negotiations and reasoning to build towards a stronger more stable relationship.

He has never tried sticking forks in plug-ins because I explained what would happen, then we did an electric current experiment with a potato. He has only wanted to touch the top of a stove once and I said "If you do that, you will burn yourself" He asked "warum?" German for why, being about 2 yrs old at the time, he was curious. So I told him that I had just turned the burner off and it was still hot, I showed him the potatoes and steam coming from them, I then allowed him to put his hand over the steam and he said "Heiss" German for hot. I said "that is right and the stove is hotter than the steam. He left the kitchen and said "ok" never bothering to go near the stove again.

That is when it dawned on me, that children, no matter how young they are, understand more than what we have been led to believe. So with that idea in mind, I started to negotiate and rationalize things with my son, even at the age of 2. If he wants something, or to go somewhere, or do something, we talk about it and discuss the pros and cons. He comes up with the reasons why he should have, do or go and I talk to him about my concerns. More times then not, he decides not to have, go or do, but if he still does want, we then negotiate.

Being a part-time parent, I figure this is one of the best things I can teach him while he lives with his father. His father is Swiss/German enough said, and I don't want my son growing up angry and hating his father or his Swiss/German heritage. His father loves to negotiate and make deals....so this is a great tool for my son to have and he is being taught to do this through love. Next time your child/ren come(s) to you wanting something and before you say "no" think about it and discuss it. I think you will be surprised that after that discussion your child might not want it, go or do what they thought they did in the first place.