tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13952453692822001332024-02-20T18:18:42.305-08:00Baby Challengeparenting is always great challenge, isn't it?Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.comBlogger184125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-36062683399204325472011-02-03T02:31:00.000-08:002011-02-03T02:31:00.522-08:00Suggestions For Parenting Children with Aggression - The Nature of
Discipline and Child AggressionParenting children of aggression and learning how to bring a positive influence in order to change a persons' behavior are both huge challenges. Even when an aggressive child wants to change. If it is in the nature of the child to be more aggressive, (which is not automatically a bad thing) it poses a high level of difficulty. Think about how hard it is for you to change some of your bad habits.</p><p>In the beginning it is often recommended that you take baby steps. Creating small goals and then moving forward from there. Smaller goals are easier to achieve and will build confidence. Like anything in life that is worth it, it will take some hard work and you will need to invest a fair amount of time. Rome was not built in a day. The important thing to keep in mind is; Rome <u><em>was</em></u> built.</p><p><u>The Importance of Positive Encouragement</u></p><p>Praise is much more motivating than punishment. When people hear the word discipline the first thing that tends to come to mind is being punished. This is mainly because in the past that was how most people dealt with aggressive kids. Even when children misbehaved out of simple misunderstood learning experiences. The motto back when we were growing up was; punish them first then figure out what happened.</p><p>If your parenting children of aggression then the nature of discipline will need a more in-depth understanding as well as a more definitive look. Discipline comes from the word disciple. This word defines as the ability to guide or give guidance. This is a much better understanding than that of punishment, which was how we learned about discipline.</p><p>Today we are smarter and we understand that to get better results, as well as building a real relationship, we need to use constructive methods. This is an improvement. One that was not made overnight. Similarly, the way we are able to change our behavior will work with changing the aggressive behavior of our children. Though these goals will take some time, they are more than worth it.</p><p>Just like when you are learning something new, you begin by taking small steps and keeping small goals. By keeping goals small and easily attainable you increase your child's success and your opportunities to give praise. The power of praise is many cases truly amazing. Often even unbelievable. The same goes for the results it brings. Your child lives for your approval and attention. You should take any opportunity you can to offer your child positive feedback.</p><p>One suggestion is to focus some of your praise unevenly. Surprise your child by giving praise even when they fail. Their efforts should count for something and when you do this right your child will bend over backwards to impress you. If you show your children unconditional acceptance and demonstrate confidence in their abilities, their self esteem will skyrocket. They will ultimately channel their aggressive energies towards accomplishing positive goals.</p><p>All children can learn to change. Though some will take longer than others your positive encouragement will mean more to them than you could ever imagine. Once children see that they are able to change through your guidance in accomplishing smaller goals, they will have more confidence to carry on. Parenting children of aggression will eventually pay off big time in the long run.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-483262158140454082011-01-31T20:11:00.000-08:002011-01-31T20:11:00.712-08:00Turning Off the TelevisionWhen I was growing up, there was no such thing as television during dinner time. In fact, something such as eating dinner with my family while having a television on would have been an absurd suggestion. Instead, we would always eat dinner as a family while sitting at our dining room table between the hours of 5:30 p.m. And 6:30 p.m. While my family was one of many that did this back in the 1980s and 1990s, there are many families today who barely even know what a dining room table is!</p><p>It is a sad fact that now, as soon as the food is prepared, family members or even spouses take their plates and run as if they are magnetically drawn towards the televisions in their household. And with this comes the realization that perhaps there is a breakdown in the family structure that has occurred and is only getting worse as time goes on. You see, years ago, it was common to have only one member or parent of a household who would go to work full time while the other stayed home with the children. In many households, the parent that often stayed home happened to be the mother. However, as time went on, we began to see a radical shift in this way of living. I remember that by the time my younger brother and I were in high school, my mother had switched from staying at home with us to working full time in an effort to bring a little more income into the household. Still, all the way through high school, up until I went away to college, dinner was a family event.</p><p>Dinner was a time where my dad would get home from a long day at the office, my brother and I would get home from school and we could all sit down as a family and talk about how our days went. Often, the conversation would focus on my brother and I and how school was as well as what exciting things were going on with any extracurricular activities that we were involved in at the time. My mother and father would also chat about whatever it was that adults talked about back then. Then, afterward, either my brother or I would have dish washing duty or other miscellaneous chores to do before we could relax and do whatever it was we wanted. In essence, there was a certain kind of structure that was in place.</p><p>Now, with many households that have both parents working full time while the children are still young, there is no one to really be there for their son or daughter when they get home from school. Dinner has been elasticized to include any form of eating that takes place within your home sometime in the evening either with or without your parent(s) being present. I can remember that some of my friends would actually ask to come over to my house because they liked having a home-made meal at a dinner table versus eating fast food or going out to eat all the time. Today, it really makes me wonder what this lack of structure will do to children who are growing up in terms of the eating habits that they will develop. I guess that only time will tell.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-66643213184951294542011-01-30T13:50:00.000-08:002011-01-30T13:50:00.265-08:00What Can I Do to Teach Good Behaviors to My 4 Year Old?Four year old children are at an age where they are really starting to spread their wings. A typical four year is learning how to use their imagination and may get a little confused at times between reality and fiction. They are normally very active and willing to try anything that pops into their heads. Parents may feel strained after trying to keep their child safe, especially if the child will not listen to the parents' directions.</p><p>In most situations, rules are devised to help keep the child safe. A four year old child has a fairly short memory still and may forget the rules on a day to day basis. This leads to the parent becoming frustrated because they feel like they are constantly repeating themselves. Although you might be doing just that, step back and look at the situation. Remember, your child is not trying to get you angry or frustrated. They are still too young to practice the art of thinking before acting.</p><p>Instead of telling the child, they cannot do a certain activity, have you tried telling them what they can do? This kind of direction helps eliminate the grey area in your rules. When they do violate one of your rules, what is your response? Are you angry, frustrated, or exasperated?</p><p>The child will read these emotions on your face and may not fully hear what you are trying to say. Instead, try remaining calm, use gestures or physically show the child what you are saying. Once you have explained to them, in words they understand, have them repeat if back to you. It is important the rules are consistently enforced.</p><p>Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-67293810059656541912011-01-28T07:30:00.000-08:002011-01-28T07:30:00.413-08:00My Teenager Does Not Listen to Me Unless I YellFor many parents, yelling feels like the only way they can communicate with their teenagers. While it is true that it can feel like this at times, yelling is generally not an effective means of communication. Think for a moment about when someone is yelling at you. Are you really respecting and listening to what they are saying? Typically when someone is being yelled at, they are thinking of their own argument back or are just getting increasingly angry themselves which makes for even a less productive process. It is usually true that when people are yelling that they are acting out of strong emotions and therefore do not make their points or arguments as clearly or effectively as they would if they were not yelling. In addition, if you are always yelling at your teenager, they will likely learn this behavior / communication style and bring it with them to future relationships.</p><p>The challenge for parents is in how to communicate calmly and be heard when it feels like your teenager will never listen. Below are some suggestions for how to remain calm when interacting with your teenager.</p><p><b>1. Take a deep breath.</b> While this may sound ineffective, it is proven to calm people down. Taking in a deep breath allows people to pause and think in addition to physiologically calming the body down.</p><p><b>2. Think about what you want to say ahead of time.</b> If you are preparing to talk with your teen about a difficult subject or you are preparing to address a problem with them, prepare for it as you would any other difficult meeting. Think about the points you really want to make so that it is as effective of a conversation as it can be.</p><p><b>3. Take a break if needed.</b> If things become escalated or you notice you start to yell it is okay to take a break. It is perfectly acceptable to say to your teen, "this conversation is really important to me and I don't want to yell so let's take a 10 minute break and come back to it". Then go get a glass of water, take some deep breaths, get some fresh air and return to the conversation when you feel calmer.</p><p><b>4. Give yourself a break.</b> There will be times when you lose your cool - it is inevitable because it is a human reaction to become emotional or to get upset at times. If this happens, notice it and then try to calm yourself so that you no longer feel the need to yell.</p><p><b>5. Get outside support. </b> If you notice that you are yelling more often than not at your teen as well as at others in your life or you notice that you are often feeling very stressed out or angry, you may want to get some professional support to help you feel better. Often times, seeking professional counseling or coaching can help individuals feel calmer and have happier, more fulfilling relationships in their lives.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-68290885995504314562011-01-26T01:09:00.000-08:002011-01-26T01:09:00.406-08:00Great Advice is Always the Hardest to Follow - Parenting Children With
Behavioral Emotional DisorderThe single greatest piece of advice that was given to me was the old popular phrase <em>"Things are never what they seem." </em>However this next great piece of advice, the one that is "so hard to follow," is related to that in many ways and is covered by the very same principle. The advice I am concerned with here is: <u><strong>Do not take it all so personally.</strong></u> Especially when parenting children with behavioral emotional-disorders, or even just parenting in general. You benefit beyond belief if you follow through with this one.</p><p>Regardless of the benefits, it is simply one of the hardest things to do as a parent. It really does help us to become better parents though. As well as better people overall. It is also one of those things that never gets any easier. Well, it does get easier once you begin to reap the rewards but it still requires a constant effort on your part.</p><p>I struggle with those many instances in life where you are not supposed to take things personal. It took a while and was not easy but if I can change; Then you can definitely change too. The thing about parenting that makes it so hard is that it means so much to you. And it should its supposed to. It is a good thing but also it can be a bad thing too.</p><p>The principle that you should not take things personal when your children misbehave is also shared by doctors and many other professionals. The best surgeon in the world would not, <u><strong>Should Not </strong></u>operate on his own son or daughter. There is too much emotional involvement. The more it means the harder it is to not take things personal.</p><p>This is not easy. Try to see that things from an objective point of view. This is all about your child. Try to step outside of yourself. Seeing yourself as if you were someone else can help. You need to understand that the times you think that your child is misbehaving on purpose just to spite you, it is simply not the case.</p><p><u>Things are never what they seem</u>. Especially when it comes to a determination about about whether or not your child has a behavioral-emotional disorder. This is becoming more and more common and has nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, A higher intellect tends to be related to certain psychological and emotional sensitivities.</p><p>If you could step outside of yourself things will be a lot more clear. Remember that almost every single parent goes through that moment when they hear those dreadful words "I hate you," from their very own loving child. No matter how you slice it, even though they do not mean it, it still hurts.</p><p>Parenting children with emotional-behavioral disorders is a very unique challenge. These diagnosis are still pretty new given the scope of the history of psychology and human nature. The fact is you may have been diagnosed with behavioral emotional disorder yourself when you were growing up had the academic pillars and psychological communities gotten that far back then.</p><p>The one thing that needs to be stressed is that when your child is making mistakes and behavioral issues are popping up,<u><strong> the problem is all about them.</strong></u> They are not deliberately trying to make trouble for you. No, not at all. Many parents make the classic mistake of thinking (and acting) as well as believing that their child's mistakes will reflect badly on them.</p><p>Children with emotional behavioral disorders have extra intense feelings that are very hard to control. As children who are just starting out in life they have not yet formulated an understanding of how to filter and control their emotions in a positive manner. They will end up going through a lot in life and are going to need some seriously strong parents.</p><p>If your parenting children with emotional behavioral disorders then you are going to need very thick skin. As well as a lot of patience and understanding. As the title suggests, it is not going to be easy. But the best quality in regards to parenting children of this nature is being able to look past the personal attacks and trying to see what is going on underneath.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-20216699792417592562011-01-23T18:49:00.000-08:002011-01-23T18:49:00.333-08:00Home Matters - A Teaching Method That Affects How Children LearnI was raised in a family of fourteen people in a home with only one bathroom. Needless to say, scheduling bath time in my home was more than a simple task. When I was seven years old I learned the only way to get sufficient bath time was to awaken before my siblings. My mother gave me an old wind-up clock so I could wake-up early.</p><p>The first morning I used the alarm I woke at five-thirty, traipsed downstairs as quietly as possible, and took my bath. While I bathed I heard Dad stirring in my parents bedroom which was adjacent to the bathroom. After I completed my bath I started back up stairs when I heard a buzzing in the basement.</p><p>I snuck to the basement landing and looked around the corner of the stairs. My mother was bent over our dryer pulling clothes out and setting them on a table. She was singing. Without turning around she said, "What are you doing?"</p><p>"I heard buzzing," I replied. "What are you doing?" <br /><br /><br>"Washing clothes," she replied.<br /><br>"This early?"<br /><br>"Four days a week," she replied.</p><p>Mom explained that she woke at four o'clock every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday to wash clothes. She explained it was necessary to keep us in clean clothes.</p><p>"Dad's up too," I said.<br /><br /><br>"I know. He does paperwork while I do laundry. It's the only time the house is quiet enough to concentrate."<br /><br>"Why were you singing?" I asked.<br /><br>"I might as well enjoy my work as not."</p><p>Mom still used an old wringer washer, but she was absolutely thrilled that she and Dad had scraped enough pennies together to get a clothes dryer. She wouldn't have to hang clothes outside during winter anymore.</p><p>That dryer wasn't vented to the outside like dryers today. It was vented to the front of the dryer, and the lint trap had to be cleaned every load.</p><p>"Can I help?" I asked.<br /><br /><br>"Sure."</p><p>Mom started another load in the dryer and placed a large towel on the basement floor in front of the dryer. "Why don't you lay down and catch a nap until we're ready for another load."</p><p>The air from the dryer was warm and comfortable. I slept until the dryer buzzed. I was thrilled when Mom taught me to clean the lint trap and to place the dry clothes on a folding table. She made me feel useful. I remember how she complemented me on a job well done. (Although I remember dropping most of the clothes before I got them on the table.)</p><p>When my older sisters woke at six o'clock they took their baths and then helped Mom carry the folded clothes upstairs. (That was a ritual that I hadn't noticed until that morning.)</p><p>The next morning I set the alarm at four o'clock. I hurried through my bath and rushed to the basement to help Mom. Mom placed a towel on the floor. I slept until the dryer buzzed, then cleaned the lint filter, and stacked clothes on the table. I slept between loads while Mom sang, folded clothes, and washed another load. That was a routine we kept every wash day for several years.</p><p>I look back on those days with fond memories. My parents taught my siblings and I that work wasn't a hardship. Sometimes when I'm working I'll catch myself singing a song I learned in that old basement and smile.</p><p>How did my parents teach their children? They taught by example.</p><p>Copyright 2010 J-me<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-90297851441956685392011-01-22T12:28:00.000-08:002011-01-22T12:28:00.725-08:00How Should Parents Talk to Their Children?Some parents may be a little confused on how they should be talking with their children. Do you talk to them the same way you talk to other adults? Should you use baby talk? Children learn their vocabularies from their parents. It is your job to teach them how to communicate, verbally and non-verbally.</p><p>Young children under the age of five, typically have a limited vocabulary. When you are giving them directions, it is important to use words they know. Using big words will only lead to confusion and frustration. It is helpful if the parent uses hand gestures or physically demonstrates an action to the child. Speak slowly and use a tone that is conversational. Yelling will immediately cause the child to go on the defensive and your message will most likely not be heard.</p><p>When you are talking to your child, make eye contact. This actually helps you to read their expressions. Look at their facial expressions to see if they look confused, angry, happy or frustrated. The child may not know how to tell you that what you said to them frustrates them. Their reaction may be to throw a tantrum instead of trying to find the words needed to express their emotions.</p><p>It is also important to use your voice in a way that expresses what you really want to happen. Fluctuate your voice tone to emphasize key words in your sentences. This tells the listener that this particular word is important, and they should pay attention. Use pauses to allow the child to process what you just told them before you continue. Children will pick up on these techniques and be able to use them in future conversations.</p><p>Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-83184318081531583992011-01-20T06:08:00.000-08:002011-01-20T06:08:00.324-08:005 Red Flags to Look Out For in TeensBeing the parent of a teenager can be a very difficult task. Teenagers are known for their lack of respect of authority, unruliness, mood swings and the list goes on. Parents never know how involved they should be in their children's life in this complex time. Teenagers think they know it all and want to start tackling life on their own, while parents want to protect their children from potential grief and dangers; it's a very complicated time in any parent's life. There are tell tale signs that something is definitely wrong with your teenager that you should look out for, and here are some of them:</p><p>- Changes in Performance at School: Any sudden or drastic change in your teen's school work should raise alarm bells. A drop in performance could be a sign of drug or alcohol abuse, or it could be an indication of depression.</p><p>- Avoiding School: If your teen seems to be frequently coming up with excuses to avoid going to school, something isn't right. Try to establish communication with your child's teachers and compare notes on any behavioral changes you may have noticed. Your child may be the victim of school bullying or worse, don't ignore the situation hoping it will fix itself.</p><p>- Dropping Out of Activities: Hobbies and extracurricular activities are a vital part of developing social skills in teens, and if your child suddenly stops participating in hobbies and activities they used to enjoy, this could be a sign something is drastically wrong.</p><p>- Changes in Sleep Patterns: Sleep is crucial for everyone, especially teens because sleep allows the body and mind to recuperate and rejuvenate. If your teenager's sleep patterns are erratic or seem abnormal, it's time to rule out potential drug abuse problems or psychological disorders such as depression.</p><p>- Sudden Changes in Peer Group: "Birds of a feather flock together" rings true. If your teenager has had high-achieving friends at school and then suddenly starts avoiding them and begins hanging out with less savory individuals, this could mean he's doing things his old friends didn't approve of and is usually a sign of trouble.</p><p>Coping with teenagers and doing the right thing can be very frustrating at times, but if you remain alert and watch out for signs of potential problems and always try to maintain open lines of communication with your child, you should be able to get through this trying time successfully.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-48628372873589568932011-01-17T23:47:00.000-08:002011-01-17T23:47:00.155-08:00Avoiding the Chaos Surrounding Your Child's First Day of SchoolThere is no doubt that a child dreads that first day of school, whether it's their first time going or just the next year for them. For some parents, it may seem like a blessing - you get some time back after all - but deep inside you feel the chaos that is about to occur.</p><p>Rushing around in the morning, trying to get your children off to school, barely awake yet - it's the same for nearly every household. Mistakes are bound to happen. To help you sort things out and make that first day of school easier, here are a few tips to consider.</p><p>First off, you should always pack your child's backpack the day before. Ensure you have all of your child's school supplies: pencils, crayons, markers, scissors, etc. If you think you might forget something, make a checklist first, then check it off as you pack.</p><p>Leave the backpack full of supplies right beside the door you'll go out of tomorrow morning. This will ensure you'll remember to grab them.</p><p>Another great idea is to pack your child's lunch the night before, just make sure you don't leave it out. Put it in the fridge to maintain its freshness, and prevent mice from invading your home.</p><p>If you're worried about forgetting your child's lunch, just put a simple note on his or her backpack. You're bound to remember this way.</p><p>Lastly, remember that kids are kids, and sometimes you're going to have trouble getting them up in the morning. To save time and frustration, allow your child to pick out the clothes he or she will wear the night before school. This will prevent fussing, and you will be able to get your children off to school quick and easy.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-74445270678153886672011-01-15T17:27:00.000-08:002011-01-15T17:27:00.345-08:00My Child Will Not Go to Bed When I Ask Him ToGetting your child to bed at a time that you have designated can be a difficult task that parents often dread. The bedtime struggle is nothing new and nearly all parents deal with it at some point. It does not have to be so bad. Parents can implement a few strategies that are designed to get the child into bed when you tell them to.</p><p>Instead of asking the child to go to bed, the child needs to be told it is time for bed. Before the child is told to go to bed, they should be forewarned. Giving a ten minute warning will help transition the child into the bedtime mode. Let the child know that once their show is over, it is time for bed.</p><p>Once the bedtime hour rolls around, the child should be directed to go to bed. It is not always quite that simple in the beginning, but it gets better with a little practice. If the child wants to read a story before bed, that is great. However, limit it to one or two books that do not take more than fifteen minutes to read. It is also a good idea to have the child use the bathroom and get a small drink before crawling into bed. This will help eliminate the "I'm thirsty" excuses that are common bedtime avoidance techniques.</p><p>When the child does get out of bed, calmly walk them back to their bed. In some cases, they may need to be carried. You do not need to say anything during these trips, simply place them back in their bed. Do not give in to any of their begging or bargaining methods.</p><p>Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-21448907480028509392011-01-14T11:06:00.000-08:002011-01-14T11:06:00.703-08:00Teaching Your Kids How to Write LegiblyIt is not nice when you see that your child's handwriting is not legible, especially if is because they have rushed to finish it. We tend to use handwriting more than we think during the course of our day, so it is imperative that it can be read. There is nothing worse than a teacher not being able to read your child's handwriting properly, and because of this he down grades their marks at school.</p><p>We get taught two different types of writing throughout our school lives. There is print writing, and then there is cursive writing as we get older.</p><p>It is irrelevant which type of writing your child is doing at the time if the writing is unreadable. We should really try to find out what is causing the handwriting to be so bad in the first place. We can only try to cure this problem if we really understand where the fault lies. Are they having trouble with certain letters or is there something else causing this?</p><p>If there is a problem with the writing of certain letters, why not put aside about 15 minutes per day after school to help your child to practice writing these letters out in a notebook? You could make this a little like homework for them; try to instil some pride in their writing.</p><p>Maybe the problem is in the way that they are holding their pen or pencil? It may be causing them to feel uncomfortable when they write; this in turn could make them rush their writing. Make sure that the pen is gripped with the forefinger and thumb, and with the middle finger supporting the pen.</p><p>Teach them to write the letters of the alphabet correctly. You can find some notebooks that have these letters on the cover to show them the correct way that they should be written.</p><p>It is never too early or too late to teach your kids to write properly. Their success not only at school, but also in later life, could depend on them being able to write clearly and neatly.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-7324532148120733932011-01-12T04:46:00.000-08:002011-01-12T04:46:00.395-08:00Is it Too Late to Change My Parenting Style?If you are hoping to change some habits and bad behaviors your child has developed over the first few years of their lives, you are in luck. There is a way to modify your parenting methods that can lead to good behaviors. These techniques may not produce overnight results, but it is possible to see some change in just a matter of weeks.</p><p>The first step in changing your child's behavior begins with you. Yes, the parent is directly responsible for leading their child. This is not to say you have done a poor job up to this point, but there is always room for improvement. If you are serious about changing your child's bad behavior patterns you must model the good behavior you are asking for.</p><p>Along with being the role model, your job is to teach your child the good behaviors you want. Using an approach that redirects the child away from undesirable behaviors is very effective. When you see your child acting in a way you do not approve, calmly let them know. Do not ask them to stop, tell them to stop. Give the directions in a manner the child will understand. If the same behavior presents again, follow the same steps, but never lose your cool.</p><p>Stay consistent with your rule enforcement as well as the consequences to breaking those rules. It is normal for the child to completely rebel in the beginning, but stick with it. Your child will see you are serious about this and will begin to follow the rules and behaviors you have discussed. If you are in a co-parenting home, make sure both of you are sticking to the same rules.</p><p>Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-77312848776127972182011-01-09T22:25:00.000-08:002011-01-09T22:25:00.843-08:00The Hoax of the Three BearsIf It Wasn't A Children's Classic... It Would Classify as an Urban Legend! You know the story, don't you? Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear... Too hot, too cold, just right... too big, too small, just right... too hard, too soft, just right. You know the one I'm talking about?</p><p>Well, it's a hoax. Look closely at the three illustrations in the story - the porridge, the chair and the bed. What is common to all three? The author wants us to believe that there's a 'Just Right'.</p><p>Ha, ha, ha! From my experience, I'm here to tell you that it just ain't so, especially when it comes to child discipline.</p><p>Spare the Rod. Come On, You Know the Rest.</p><p>I'm old school when it comes to disciplining my girls. However, being a step-dad in 2010 I realize that corporal punishment (eg. takin' 'em out to the woodshed) simply isn't an option any more, as tempting as that may be sometimes. Today, every kid knows their 'rights'. Children's Aid, and my impending incarceration, is only a phone call away.</p><p>Now that I think about it, it's hard for me to accept how a full grown adult could possibly have the heart to physically whale on a little kid, no matter how provoked, even though I survived the era where 'spare the rod...' was the rule of the day. Nowadays, I find that a firm grasp by the two shoulders along with a stern stare into the tiny terror's eyes, accompanied by a good shake or two usually gets my desired effect in very short order.</p><p>Barking, snapping and snarling also seems to get things moving when the little cherubs bog down, as they often do. My girls can easily go off into their own little fantasy world, especially when they have a schedule to follow or need to be someplace by a certain time. Keeping calm and composed while repeating the same instructions over and over, day after day is really out of my realm of possibility. I find it far more expedient to SHOUT IT OUT!</p><p>While the girls do move faster and seem to 'respect' me a bit more than they do their mom, these results come at a cost. The tense atmosphere created by all that shaking and barking takes its toll on the overall harmony of the home. The negative impact on everyone's well-being is HUGE! In the long run, bitterness and resentment can only build.</p><p>Yes, I'm the Papa Bear. You well may deem my methods to be TOO MUCH!</p><p>You Can Catch More Flies With Honey. True enough. But who wants more flies?</p><p>Maggie's approach to child discipline is quite different than mine. Oh, sure you'll hear her barking too from time to time. Our girls are no different than any other kids... they can really push your buttons hard. As much as I like to think that Maggie is my angel sent from above, the girls help to prove that she's only human.</p><p>Maggie's and my discipline styles differ like night and day:</p><p><ul><li>Where she's the carrot, I'm the stick.</li><br /><br /> <li>Where she rivets on rewards, I plan and provide punishment.</li><br /> <li>Where she goes after the good in each girl, I expect to catch them doing something wrong.</li></ul></p><p>Maggie tends to see everything as a teaching opportunity. With her counseling courses behind her, she skillfully crafts questions to get the girls to think and act more responsibly.</p><p>Talk is cheap though. Our girls are still normal kids, which means that they can tune in and out anytime. In fact, they tend to get a little too lax under Maggie's regime. Happy, unafraid and carefree doesn't always translate into focused, self-disciplined and responsible.</p><p>As you already know, Mama Bear's methods could be construed as TOO LITTLE!</p><p>Don't Mess With Mr. In Between. I Can't Believe I'm Quoting this Ancient Song!</p><p>OK, now you know how old I am when I start referencing songs from 1944 (Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive). Nonetheless, that song is chock full of wisdom. It's absolutely true, you don't want to mess with Mr. In Between. Here's what I mean.</p><p>In our attempt to find that elusive, mythical 'Just Right', Maggie and I have tried just about everything in the book. First, because we saw merits in each other's approach, we endeavored to become more like each other. But you know what happens when you do that? You become less like yourself.</p><p>Another time we sampled being on the same page; I would bark, and Maggie would back me up with more barking of her own. Oh, the girls moved alright, but the stress and strain became unbearable.</p><p>Alternatively, I would join Maggie in discussion (OK, lecture) mode. We'd talk in what we considered to be calm and rational while the kids dreamily tuned us out. The house was not only relaxed and peaceful... it was comatose. Nothing got done!</p><p>There's No Such Thing As Just Right. Apologies to Kelloggs Cereals!</p><p>Ultimately, we concluded that there was no 'Just Right'. People and circumstances change constantly. What worked yesterday may be totally inappropriate or altogether ineffective today. The analogy of a missile being off course 95% percent of the time is very similar to guiding our own lives.</p><p>So sometimes - but not all the time - it's OK to shake and bark. Too much here and you'll embitter the child.</p><p>Other times - but not all the time - it's OK to discuss rationally. Too much here and you'll spoil the child.</p><p>Without one to balance the other, it's almost assured that you'll be hopelessly lost, reminiscent of Goldilocks, who upon seeing the three bears, screamed 'Help!' and ran into the forest, never to return again.</p><p>These days I'm still me - I bark and I shake, albeit more sparingly in carefully selected spots. It's often referred to in parenting articles as, 'Picking Your Battles'. Kids adapt very quickly and they can eventually desensitize themselves to even the most negative surroundings.</p><p>And Maggie is still Maggie. The difference now is that she is more vigilant to see that the girls are actually listening and hearing what she says.</p><p>It's the constant course correction that keeps our family together and on target. Being ourselves; staying on track; what can be better than that? You gotta Love That Feeling!<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-81758264599258970672011-01-07T16:05:00.000-08:002011-01-07T16:05:00.563-08:00ADHD Parenting - 5 Great Ideas to Help Your ADHD Child in the Homework
BattleWhat is the greatest challenge in ADHD parenting? Very probably, it is the homework battle and all sorts of problems can arise if there is not a strategy or homework plan in place in your home. Here are five ideas that parents and friends of mine have tried and they seem to help.</p><p>1. We need to set a timetable but we can make it easier by doing the following. We give plenty of warnings that homework is going to start so this prepares the child for the activity which is always at a set time during the day, in a quiet place away from distractions. This applies to other areas of ADHD parenting where routines and structures are all known well ahead of time.</p><p>2. Be there! We should sit with the child and see that he gets it done without nagging. That means giving the child full attention and support and it does not mean that we can check our emails while we are doing this.</p><p>3. I know parents who cannot be there so they get high school kids they know to help their child with homework and of course sit with them while they do that. If this works, you can gradually reduce the number of helper days. I know some parents who found that this was really beneficial and meant that they could all enjoy themselves as a family once they had got homework out of the way.</p><p>4. Another challenge in ADHD parenting is actually getting your kid to keep still while doing homework as fidgeting and restlessness are all part of ADHD. One way round this is to get a stability ball or exercise ball and let him sit on that while doing homework. Research actually shows that while kids are moving in some way they can focus and concentrate better.</p><p>5. Building breaks in and small rewards of healthy snacks is also a great way to keep things moving. This fits in nicely with rewards and consequences which can be a great help in ADHD parenting.</p><p>The other great challenge in ADHD parenting is trying out different medication options. You may have tried psychostimulants and might be worried about side effects such as loss of appetite and sleeplessness which is certainly going to have a knock on effect on homework. Maybe you should have a look at ADHD homeopathic remedies. They have no side effects and there are no health risks either. There is a lot of helpful information on my website below.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-56945481101584778352011-01-06T09:44:00.000-08:002011-01-06T09:44:00.329-08:00Counseling and Psychotherapy For Parents - Prevent Teen Depression and
Aggressive BehaviorThe scientific method of dream interpretation proves to the world that there is a wiser brain, far superior than our under-developed human brain that produces our dreams and sends us wise messages in the symbolic form of dream images.</p><p>By following the guidance of the wise unconscious mind in your own dreams, you can solve all your problems, overcome all mental illnesses, find your physical health, and yet, help other people find their health and happiness like you.</p><p>You can mainly help your children prevent all mental illnesses before they become depressed teens or before they show aggressive behavior, resting assured that they will be able to keep their mental health for life. This means that they will become happy teens and adults, and you won't have to bear the conflicts common to most families.</p><p>Most people ignore how all mental illnesses are provoked, even though the scientific method of dream interpretation has already proved to the world that all mental illnesses are originated in the anti-conscience, the wild side of the human conscience that lives in a primitive condition, without any evolution. The anti-conscience is not a fossil, but a very active part of our personality, even though we cannot perceive its influence.</p><p>It is our primitive self, which keeps trying to destroy the human side of our conscience in order to control our behavior because it wants to be only a violent animal, disrespecting human rules.</p><p>Therefore, if we want to live free from all mental illnesses, we have to eliminate the poisonous influence of our wild, violent, and immoral primitive side.</p><p>This can be done through dream interpretation because the unconscious messages provide counseling and psychotherapy to our human conscience.</p><p>As a conscious parent, you must learn how to translate your dreams, and show to your partner how to do the same so that you both may become balanced parents.</p><p>By setting the example you'll be able to give your children the right education and help them understand the unconscious messages.</p><p>This is also how they will eliminate the dangerous influence of their anti-conscience without ever passing through mental illnesses, while they are still young.</p><p>They will build a strong and self-confident personality besides becoming very intelligent, since their wild side will be tamed and transformed into a positive component of their human conscience.</p><p>This means that they will use all their capacities and acquire complete consciousness, becoming sensitive human beings who will behave with serenity, compassion, and wisdom in all occasions.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-23027616254224715492011-01-04T03:24:00.000-08:002011-01-04T03:24:00.206-08:00Using a Closet Organizer to Make the Most of Your Kid's ClosetIts hard to beat a great closet organizer. Why not use them in your kid's closet as well as your own to keep their clothes and other items neat and organized? Actually, kid's closets probably need them more than the adults. And, the best part, a new closet organizer kit is a great way to teach kids how to stay organized.</p><p>Finding the right organizer kit for my son's closet took plenty of online research. To begin with, I took everything out of the closet. When sorting through the clothes, look for items that they either outgrew or don't wear anymore. You can take these clothes and hand them down to siblings or anyone else you know that might fit into them. I used this opportunity to teach my son a little lesson on charity. He got to pick through the clothes that he didn't want anymore and we promptly took them to the nearest donation center. Its never too early to teach them to be charitable.</p><p>Once everything was cleared out and sorted through, I now had a better idea of the space that was available and took some measurements (this is a really important step). Since this is a child's closet, make sure you consider their height when installing a closet organizer. I dropped the kit down about eighteen inches when I installed it. Your height will depend on the height of your child.</p><p>By installing an additional rod down low at a comfortable height for your child will allow them to grab their own clothes. The upper rod will be reached soon enough as your child grows.</p><p>Don't worry if the shelves are too high for them to reach. You can put clothes that are out of season on them in plastic containers. For safety reasons, don't put anything too heavy up high as this could fall down on top of them if they do try and get something down by themselves. I place most items on the shelf in plastic containers that are labeled.</p><p>Don't be afraid to add a couple more shelves up top since you will probably have the extra room now. I really think that you can't overdo a closet with too many shelves.</p><p>Teaching your child how to keep the closet organized, neat and clean is the hard part. You'll need to demonstrate how to fold and hang their own clothes properly. Teach them sooner rather than later so they get used to using their new closet organizer.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-4720090532240517092011-01-01T21:03:00.000-08:002011-01-01T21:03:00.355-08:00Spring Cleaning For ParentsRake the yard. Clean out the garage. Go through closets. Donate unused items to charitable organizations. Wash windows. You know the drill. It's called SPRING CLEANING.</p><p>But what if spring cleaning took on a new twist this year, one that would benefit your children greatly? What if you cleaned the cobwebs out of your mind? What if you wiped away all the limiting beliefs that keep you from becoming the parent you always wanted to be? What if you cleaned up a broken relationship, mended a mental fence, or reminded yourself about the importance of your role in your child's life? This spring might just be the ideal time for cleaning up your responsibility as a parent. Consider the ideas below.</p><p>Reawaken your curiosity. Clean out your present expectations and your knowing of why your children do things. Return to wonder. Be fascinated by what they do. Let yourself be awed. Allow your curiosity to bloom this spring.</p><p>Eliminate judgment. Judgment keeps you from seeing your children clearly. If you judge a child as lazy, you are less likely to see ambitious behavior. If you judge her as uncaring, you will have difficulty noticing her benevolent acts. Clean the lens in your eyes by reducing the number of judgments through which you perceive your children.</p><p>Be out of your mind. Use silent times to wash old and useless thoughts from your mind. Resist the urge to overanalyze parenting issues. Stop thinking and cluttering your mind with incessant chatter. Listen to your heart. Follow your intuition. Pick parenting strategies that have your heart in them.</p><p>Appreciate the moment. The best present to give your children is to be fully present when you are with them. Throw out thoughts about the future and the past when you interact with your children. There is only one moment to see, feel, express, learn, grow, or heal with your children. This is it. Pitch the rest.</p><p>Clean up your schedule. Every child in the world spells love, T-I-M-E. Adjust your priorities. Pick through your list of social and business activities. Get rid of old obligations and habits that prevent you from investing time with your children.</p><p>Apologize and begin again. Spring is the time of new beginnings. Do you need to begin again with one of your children? Do you need to make amends? If so, tell him or her what you learned and what you intend to do differently from now on. Then follow through.</p><p>Cut down on talking. Reduce your need to explain, lecture, moralize, rationalize, and convince. The first step towards love is to listen. Give your children the gift of your presence by hearing rather that telling, by acknowledging instead of convincing, by understanding rather that jumping to conclusions.</p><p>Rework truth. Cleanse your mind of the notion that there is ONE truth. You know your truth. Allow your children to find theirs. Model for your children how you live your truth. Support them in their efforts to find their own truth and encourage them to trust it.</p><p>Fix it up. What parenting concerns need to be fixed in your home? Do you need to fix a relationship, the use of the TV and the internet, or a reoccurring stress? Fix your mind first so you are tuned into fixing problems rather than fixing blame. Maintain a solution-seeking mindset as you fix it up this spring.</p><p>Give yourself a perception check. Remember, you can choose to see any parenting situation differently from the way you are presently seeing it. Perception is always a choice. Clean up your mind by asking yourself, "Is this way of seeing this problem the one that brings the most light and love to the situation?" Use springtime to enlighten your parenting perceptions and actions.</p><p>A thorough spring cleaning of your parenting style could make your home sparkle. It could be like a fresh coat of paint that brightens the exterior and the interior of yourself and your children. It might work like the cleansing combination of adding energy and love to a bucket of soap and water. Brighter, cleaner, healthier family relationships could well be the result of your spring cleaning this year.</p><p>Happy cleaning.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-35688403774063450322010-12-31T14:43:00.000-08:002010-12-31T14:43:00.200-08:00Stay Home Dad Survival Tip #28 - Finding and Developing Your Child's
GiftOne of the more challenging aspects of parenting can be dealing with your child's interests. As your child gets older, he or she will start to exhibit traits that are an indicator of what their interests are. I believe everyone is created for a purpose and our jobs as parents is to channel our children in the direction that will best help them develop into who they are to be, to find their destiny.</p><p>Every child has a different interest and way of expressing it. In my house, there is a budding music producer, a natural-born journalist, an athlete and an artist. Talk to your child or children; ask them what kind of things interest them. I have found that usually by the age of 10 or 11, most kids have a general idea of what they would like to do. The easiest way to discover this is to ask a question like this: "If you could do anything in the world that you wanted to do that was not mean, or against the law, and get paid to do it and it would be fun....what would you do?" By the middle school years, your child has an idea of what he or she really likes. Find out what this activity or interest is and find activities in your area that you can utilize to develop this interest.</p><p>There are a lot of things that can be purchased from thrift stores or be obtained for free. My 13 year old wants to be an animator. I was able to find an older version of Adobe Flash for him off of Craigslist - for free. No need to spend $600 for the newest version of the software when a little searching around can get cheaper results. I also found a weight bench at the thrift store for under $30.00 for my 18 year old when he was weight training for football. For my budding music producer, I found an old keyboard that someone was getting ready to throw away and asked for it. All it needed was batteries. Now, the kids themselves have learned how to be resourceful and search for items that can be easily downloaded or viewed on the Internet for no cost.</p><p>I know it can get pretty hectic, running around from dance classes to art, to little league and pee-wee football practice, music lessons, etc, so some strategic planning is necessary, if you have several children, especially if you are a single parent. Find other parents in the area whose children are attending the same activities and share the load.</p><p>Most importantly, you have to be interested and supportive. You cannot decide for your child what his or her gift or talent is. You cannot push them towards what you want their gift to be, nor downplay what they want to do. There is nothing more frustrating that casting your frustrated desires and accomplishments onto your child. I know there are a lot of men out there (and women too) who really like sports, but just because you have a son or daughter who may have a great athletic build, you cannot force athletics upon your kid. He or she may not want to do that. Don't put your frustration on not accomplishing what you may have wanted to on the sports field onto your child. You may have the next business mogul or president of the United States. It's not about what you want them to do so you can look good and brag; it's about what they want to do...what they were created to do. In all reality, you should brag because they are your kids. If your son wants to be a dancer and you play for the NFL.... so what. Let him do it. He's not you. He's a product OF you but he's NOT you.</p><p>I've spoken with a lot of parents who struggle with this. Just because you have an Olympic gold medal or a Super Bowl ring does not mean that your child should be doing the same thing. For instance, President George Bush's daughter Laura loved to read books and she wanted to be a schoolteacher. She had no desire to be a lawyer. Her parents supported her.</p><p>Our children are not necessarily going to do what we do, because they are not us. But we can influence them in a positive manner and with our support, they will be successful in whatever they do. You need to do this because you never want your kids to feel that they are disappointing you by their career choices.</p><p>A child who grows to be an adult feeling unfulfilled because they sought your dreams instead of his or her own will be very frustrated as an adult. A child whose dreams are squashed and discouraged will find adult life to be more challenging than it should be. I wanted to be a fashion designer. I was invited and visited by the representatives of a prestigious design college, but was laughed at and discouraged. I was told "That kind of stuff is for sissies."</p><p>Let your child show and teach you what their interest is, support them 100%. Communicate with your children and devise a game plan early on to insure your kids' success.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-85078836947744081222010-12-29T08:22:00.000-08:002010-12-29T08:22:00.723-08:00Feel Confident With Your Kids With Home Drug TestsHaving children can be a scary experience with so many things going on in the world. There is concern about whether you kids are having sex, smoking, drinking or doing drugs. While it simply isn't possible for you to find out everything that you need to know unless they confess or you follow them, there is an option for you if you want to know if they are drinking or doing drugs. Home drug tests make it possible for parents to get a bit of peace of mind when it comes to their kids and what they are doing when they aren't at home.</p><p>The first thing that you need to know about doing home drug tests is that they are perfectly legal. No matter how much your kids stomp their feet or talk about invasion of privacy, if they are under the age of 18 and they are your responsibility, then you can compel them to submit to the test. Fortunately, if your child is being unreasonable and refuses to pee in a cup to get the test done, you can simply use their saliva. Both ways will yield accurate results and let you know if your child is doing drugs.</p><p>The great thing about using home drug tests is that they are very inexpensive. You can purchase a test that checks for Amphetamines, Methamphetamines, Cocaine, Opiates, Marijuana and Phencyclidine for about 15 dollars. A kit that checks for alcohol via saliva is about eight dollars. If you want to check for nicotine, it will require a urine test, but it is only about three dollars. There are dozens of other home drug tests that you can purchase that test for single agents (if you have a suspicion about what drug might be being used) or a broad spectrum of agents if you aren't sure.</p><p>It never feels good to suspect your children of doing drugs and breaking the law, but the bottom line is, it is up to you to protect them. If you are worried about drug, alcohol or cigarette abuse, you have options. Check them for drugs, let them know that you are watching and that you are willing to do what it takes to ensure that they don't break the law or damage their bodies and/or minds because of substance abuse.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-71491836189354143982010-12-27T02:02:00.000-08:002010-12-27T02:02:00.364-08:00A Parent's Guide to Childhood AnxietyIt is estimated that about 1 in 8 children experience some form of an anxiety disorder. Anxiety can be mild, and very temporary, as in simply being nervous about an upcoming event, to more severe and long lasting forms such as panic attacks, obsessiveness and traumatic stress responses. Symptoms of anxiety can range from low-level physiological responses such as headaches, upset stomach or irritability to intense nausea, sweating and an overwhelming incapacity to function. Anxiety may be generalized and manifest itself in a variety of surroundings and situations or it may be specific such as test anxiety. One of the more common types of anxiety for children is separation anxiety and parents can often see this exhibited when they leave a child such as going to work in the morning or taking the child to day-care.</p><p>Separation anxiety can be a phase. However, if it is not approached properly it can develop into other forms of anxiety such as social anxiety, phobias or trauma. Regardless of the type of anxiety a child experiences, treatment is available. In some cases, simple, supportive communication from a parent or significant adult can alleviate the anxiety. In other cases, professional intervention may be required. Because parents exert such a strong influence over their children, and because children mostly trust and rely upon their parents, and because going to a professional therapist introduces a stranger, parental intervention can be very effective when done properly.</p><p>One of the big mistakes parents often make in responding to a child exhibiting anxiety is to discount the child's experience. For example, if a child is exhibiting symptoms of anxiety and says they are afraid of going into their bedroom because a monster is there, to say "don't be silly there is no monster in your room" essentially tells the child they are lying. To the child's mind, there may be a "monster" in the room, in whatever form it may take. A much better approach is to accept the child's experience and lead the child to a more rational view. For example, the parent could say something like "oh, really, how do you know a monster is in your room?" If the child says "I saw it there" the parent can ask the child to elaborate on what it looked like, when it is there, what it does there and then lead the discussion to possible strategies to deal with this problem by emphasizing the various strengths and supports the child has at his or her disposal. It is far more important to help the child learn to deal with these kinds of situations than the actual removal of the monster. In that regard, anxiety becomes an opportunity to develop certain psychological skills that can be very useful throughout life.</p><p>The same kind of approach can be used for more intense forms of anxiety. In almost every case, anxiety is generated by internal dialogue, referred to as "self talk" and subconscious mental imagery. Because children are not well developed linguistically, many of their anxieties are produced from subconscious mental pictures. For example, the child above is likely not saying internally that there is a monster in the room; they are probably imagining a monster in the room. The same kind of imaginings can be at the root of social anxiety in which the child is imagining any number of unpleasant, negative and "bad" scenarios in social settings, all of which may not be realistic. Test or performance anxiety is often generated by subconscious mental imagery of failure and, perhaps, punishment resulting from that failure.</p><p>Because children have such a high need for safety and protection, most all anxiety can be relieved when the child's sense of safety and protection is bolstered. Exactly how that is accomplished will depend a lot on what the child says in response to questions about the situation. For example, a parent can ask a child who thinks a monster is in their room what they need to feel safe in their room. If the child says the monster has to go away, the parent can collaborate with the child in figuring out what needs to happen to get the monster to leave. It is important that the child participate in the strategies to remove the monster. It may not be enough that the parent goes into the room, comes out and says the monster is gone.</p><p>More intense forms of childhood anxiety, such as ongoing and intense phobias, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorders or posttraumatic stress responses would likely require professional intervention. However, even in those situations, parents can help reduce the symptoms of anxiety by respecting and acknowledging the child's experience, listening with an open mind, asking appropriate questions, in a supportive and inquisitive manner and letting the child know, in a way the child can easily understand, which may require not just words, but behaviors as well, that they are loved, cared for, and, above all else, safe.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-56535216658374265162010-12-24T19:41:00.000-08:002010-12-24T19:41:00.100-08:00A Parent's Guide to Childhood NightmaresChildhood nightmares, or very bad dreams, are not uncommon and often need nothing other than a parent's consoling embrace to remedy the immediate situation. Nightmares may occur for several reasons. Because children are very impressionable, watching a scary movie at night before bedtime can easily trigger a nightmare. If there is a high stress or frightening situation going on in the home, or at school, and the child has not been able to disclose this information to his or her parents, or a teacher or trusted adult, the nightmare may serve as a release valve. Certain life events such as the death of a pet, relative or parent, an auto accident, or a significant injury can be the source of nightmares. If the child is experiencing moderate generalized or social anxiety, or panic attacks, nightmares may serve as a way of processing those experiences.</p><p>The best way a parent can respond to their child's nightmares is to be comforting and supportive. If the child is able to talk about the nightmare, the parent can listen with an open mind. The parent can ask questions, in a very gentle way, probing into the details. It helps for the parent to remind the child where they are at the present moment, in the bedroom, and safe. A parent can also ask the child what they need to feel better. Children are often quite perceptive about what they need. The child may ask to sleep in the parent's bed. This may be acceptable but should not become a pattern. The child may ask that a light be turned on, and kept on, in their room, which is perfectly reasonable. The parent can also introduce ideas. There are some wonderful music CD's specifically geared toward lowering brain-wave patterns, calming the mind and relaxing the body. Such a CD could be played at low volume in the child's room. Because children engage in magical thinking, a parent can introduce the idea of special protective "fairy dust" that can be sprinkled throughout the room (fine sand or baking soda would work fine for this) or a magical protective crystal placed on the nightstand.</p><p>Recurring nightmares, in which the same general content is repeated night after night, is indicative of some psychological-emotional issue that needs to be addressed. Because the conscious mind is out of commission during sleep, the subconscious mind has its best opportunity to intrude. If there are issues that have occurred during the normal waking life which are troublesome, painful or frightening and have not been disclosed to parents or trusted adults, the material is repressed. And yet, such material seeks expression and release, which often occurs at night during the REM (dreaming) period of sleep in the form of a nightmare. For this kind of recurring nightmare, professional intervention is recommended. Most professionals would employ some form of play therapy to help understand the meaning of the nightmares and to help the child express hidden, and sometimes traumatic, information. Once the issue is made conscious, it can be dealt with and the nightmares vanish.</p><p>Some nightmares may be entirely symbolic and part of growing up. Children between the ages of 2 - 13 develop at an incredible pace. The biological, cognitive, emotional and social changes that occur during this period are remarkable. Growing pains, the adjustments to new ways of interacting with the world, can be unsettling and can trigger nightmares. In such cases, the content of the nightmare may not be relevant to any specific issue going on in daily life, but more symbolic about passages from one stage of life to another. In such cases, the parent can simply explore the content of the dream with the child and perhaps give meaning to the nightmare through talk, drawing pictures or, depending on the age of the child, writing a story about it. In many cases, its possible to then to alter the ending of the nightmare so it is not only less scary, but positive, emphasizing the strength, capacities and resources of the child.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-64670283109954536532010-12-23T13:21:00.000-08:002010-12-23T13:21:00.232-08:00Attachment Parenting - An Overview of What it IsAttachment parenting is becoming more and more popular as parents want to do the right thing for their children. Attachment parenting is a type of parenting that describes a highly responsive and highly attentive style of caring for a child. Pediatrician William Sears and his wife first coined the term "attachment parenting". Dr Sears has several parenting books that are popular in the parenting world. This highly responsive and attentive style is considered to promote physical and emotional closeness between parent and child. It promotes this closeness through bonding, breastfeeding, cosleeping, slings and various other things.</p><p>Attachment parenting encourages the parent to hold their baby often in the first weeks of life. The first 6 months are considered the "in arms" phase and parents are encouraged to hold baby as often as possible. Closeness is important so things like using a sling to help keep baby close while you get on is encouraged and also cosleeping. Breastfeeding is also encouraged and seen as an important part of a baby's development physically and emotionally.</p><p>Those who practise this style of parenting tend to learn from their baby by keeping them close to them and devoting lots of time and attention. Parents tend not to go by a clock or a schedule but look for signs from their child about their needs.</p><p>When a child cries they are responded to instantly. Attachment parenting does not advocate, "Cry it out" and believes that you can't spoil your child from constantly responding. Responding to their baby's cries every time allows a relationship of trust to be built and unnecessary suffering. A baby cries for a reason and it is an important survival tool.</p><p>Breastfeeding, of course, is another important aspect. Parents usually will practise extend breastfeeding too acknowledging the important of nurture and bonding as well as nutrition when it comes to nursing.</p><p>Along with breastfeeding, cosleeping and sling wearing, attachment parents tend to use gentle discipline that is age appropriate. For example parents may put breakables out of the way of a toddler, as it would be unrealistic to expect a baby to stop itself from reaching for objects they may find fascinating. Guidance, role modelling and gentle punishments as well as no discipline are things that attachment parents would use to deal with their children.</p><p>Of course not all advocates of attachment parenting will use all these different things but many do. This type of parenting is about knowing your baby and responding to them. It is about following your instincts as well and often many parenting styles can make a parent feel as though they are going against instinct because they are.</p><p>This type of parenting is a great way to relax and enjoy your child without feeling guilty or feeling like you are spoiling your child. It can be the best thing you do for you and your baby.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-3667521498534851352010-12-21T07:00:00.000-08:002010-12-21T07:00:08.788-08:00How to Encourage Your Shy Child in Team SportsAny parent with a shy child knows that being put in front of a large crowd and asking them to perform well is like a death sentence. Crying, panic attacks and failure are nearly a guaranteed result. There is a distinct difference between children who don't like sports and those who just break down at game time. So, how do you get your child to enjoy team sports and participate in all that a team requires? The answer will depend on your child, but here is a great place to start:</p><p><strong>1. Have a Talk with the Coach</strong>. This is the most important step to helping your child move forward. It is important that the coach understand your child's issues and allow for them to be worked through. For instance, in the case of my child, she always did well in practice, but broke down at game time. She was actually one of the better players on the team, but just couldn't pull it together for the games. The coach was very frustrated and assumed I was coddler her too much by not pushing her to stay in the game. After my talk with the coach, however, he just encouraged her to come to the first two games and told her she didni't have to play. Then, he said she could just play one quarter (it was soccer). Having the coach understand why things are happening will change their attitude and allow the coach and child to communicate in a positive manner.</p><p><strong>2. Encourage and Support Your Child.</strong> Don't push too hard, but don't let them quit either. Allowing them to quit will not help them in the long run. Even if it means only playing one quarter, or even one play of the season, they are on a team. Teaching them to work through hard times and knowing you are there to help them will build their confidence. The sense of accomplishment they experience will bleed over into other areas, like school.</p><p><strong>3. Allow Them to Express Their Emotion</strong>. If they need to cry, let them. For a shy child to work through performing in from of large groups of people is a very bold and courageous thing. It takes a lot of energy and sometimes they need a release.</p><p>Whenever your child has issues, you must delicately balance encouraging them to be strong and finishing the task with allowing them to move at their own pace. Helping your child become more self-confident and overcome some extreme shyness is a process that must be taken step-by-step, but its one that every child can win.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-75514328065850405072010-12-19T00:40:00.000-08:002010-12-19T00:40:00.187-08:00Getting Kids Into a RoutineThe carefree days of summer are behind you and the school term is about to start. This is the ideal opportunity to start to get your kids into a regular routine.</p><p>Nobody wants to get their kids up on a school day and then have to rush around like idiots just to make sure that they are not late. It is imperative that a routine is started to make things easier for everybody concerned.</p><p>Once you get the kids into the habit of going to bed at the same time, they will find it easier to get up at the same time and have their breakfast at the same time; things will run smoother for everybody.</p><p>When the kids come home from school they inevitably just want to play with friends. Get them into the routine of firstly doing their homework and then getting things out ready for the morning. This will then give them the free time they are wanting before they have to retire for the night.</p><p>Regular bathing at night is beneficial to kids and gets them into good habits; they can also get their uniforms ready for the next school day, another routine for them to start.</p><p>The routine is the same every morning; make sure that the kids do not turn on the television or the computer when they get up. This could make them run late. It is important for them to learn to set off for school at the same time every day.</p><p>Once they have established a regular routine, the kids will be under less stress not having to rush around in the morning and this can only be good for their health.</p><p>Routine does not just mean preparing things for the morning. Routine also means eating proper nutritional meals and grooming them properly. If this is done at an early age then it will become automatic in later life.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1395245369282200133.post-43966037807762177962010-12-16T18:19:00.000-08:002010-12-16T18:19:00.227-08:00How I Got My Toddler to Sleep Through the Night - And How You Can TooIf you are a mom of young children, you have probably read all there is to read about getting your baby or toddler to sleep all the way through the night. You may even be surprised by the fact that the title says "toddler" instead of "baby. After all, there are countless books out there that tell you exactly what to do. I've heard it all "let them cry it out", "start after the first few weeks", "never let them sleep with you", etc. Well, guess what? It just doesn't always work. Suddenly you find yourself waking up several times a night for a 2-3 year old, wondering how it ever happened.</p><p>For me, it happened partly because I think the first several months are important for a child to be tended to, and it worked just fine for my other two children (plus my husband has insomnia, and this particular child was so pitchy when she cried that she disturbed not only my family my neighbors as well). Yet, it was time for her to stop waking up so many times a night, and I was determined to finally get her to sleep for long stretch. So, at 10 months old, I decided to tough it out and let her hang on to her stubborn will as long as she wished. She screamed for two hours straight before I went to bed to try and ignore it - but she wasn't done. I peeked in to check on her, as the crib was strategically positioned for me to be able to peek through the crack I had left without her seeing, and she was just plain mad. I went to bed and waited for the screaming to subside.</p><p>Now at 2 1/2 hours of screaming, it suddenly the got louder, and seemingly closer, and then further away. Naturally I had to get up and check. She had flipped herself out of her crib to come looking for me! There were no pillows to stand on, she just did a pull up and flipped herself out, then started through the house to find me and give me a piece of her mind. Keep in mind, this 10 month-old little girl had just started walking and was not a large child. She was only in the 10th percentile in for her height and weight, and she still managed to maneuver out of her crib like a skilled monkey. At this point I knew my nights of sleeping without a child were over. It was just plain dangerous and my baby's safety came before convenience.</p><p>Some of you may wonder why I didn't let her cry it out sooner. I tried. She made my other kids cry and gave my husband sleepless nights for days. Frankly, she probably would have flipped herself out even sooner than that and really hurt herself. So now being stuck with a stubborn toddler, the only method I found that worked was the "star system".</p><p>The star system was so simple, and yet I had to wait until she was old enough to understand it. If she slept through the night, she got a star. When she got 20 stars in a row, she got to pick out the toy of her choice at the toy store. The catch to it was, 20 stars in a row. So, if she only slept 3 nights, and missed the fourth, she had to start over. Every time she got distracted, frustrated, or lost sight of her goal, I took her to the store to see what she was missing. There were many fits and tantrums, but it finally worked. It took 3 whole months but it worked -- and she was proud of herself too.</p><p>For all you moms like me, we are all in a place (or have been in a place) where some other parents judge us or simply don't understand. Sometimes you just can't apply the rules, make it work, and still feel good about it. So all you moms should take comfort in knowing that you are not the only one. It is not always lack of discipline or structure, sometimes it's just what life hands you... and it only gets better.<br /> Cainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06703177559232606164noreply@blogger.com0