Often times, we as parents fail in the communication department. Time constraints, life stress, and ignorance on how to communicate often create an atmosphere where our children are afraid to approach us, do not trust us to maintain our composure, or flat out do not feel that we are listening. These tips are designed to assist parents in changing these mind sets, and allowing the parents the opportunity to show their children that they really are their #1 priority.
TIP #1: It's just 3 easy words. Telling your children, "I love you" at LEAST once a day takes less than 10 seconds. Even in our busy lives, surely we can find 10 seconds for our children. It's so easy to brush off these words because in our life experience the words have been over used, distorted, and thrown around so much that we sometimes become callous to their effects. But to a child, who has not been exposed to the casual use, they are so important. Showing our children that we love them is not enough. Younger children are not as capable of picking up on the subtle cues of sacrifices made for love.
TIP #2: Eye Contact. Wow! How many times have we seen THIS pop up in effective communication articles about business? Eye contact communicates sincerity, honesty, and interest in the person and conversation. Children know this too. Be careful that your eye contact, however, is at their level. If you are talking to a younger child, sit down to see eye to eye with them. Do not try to tower over them in a posture of dominance. You will find that your children will be more forthcoming with their conversations.
TIP #3: Posture. Be sure that your posture reflects that you are open to hear what your children have to say, and are relaxed and able to handle anything they might have to tell you. Sometimes when I'm speaking to my daughter about something that she shouldn't have done, she will sit with her arms crossed, indicating shame, I will lean forward, and hold each of her hands. I want her to know that I am still open to her. That, although I might be disappointed with what she has done, I still love her. I say this with my body, as well as my vocal words. It's okay that children make mistakes, and they need to know that you will not stop loving them if they do.
TIP #4: Distractions be gone! Whenever having a conversation with your child, do your best to eliminate distractions around you. Turn off the television. Turn off the monitor to your computer. Let your child know that what they have to say is more important than anything else. You might even say, "Let me turn off the TV so I can hear you better." or "Let's go into the other room where it's more quiet, so I can give you my undivided attention."
Tip #5: Talk WITH your child. You know, it's so easy to speak at our children, instead of with them. We're so accustomed to telling children how to act, how to speak, and sometimes we're guilty of trying to tell them how to think. We need to remember that an important tool for learning these things is allowing the child to ask questions, to repeat what they've learned to you so that you can be sure they got the right message.
Using these tips can greatly enhance your ability to communicate with your child. They help to create a mind set within your child that you are their safe place. That you, who loves them, have genuine interest in who they are, what they want, and how they are feeling. By developing a strong, comfortable level of communication with your child, you will be well on your way to raising a happy child!
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