Ages 35 to 39
YOUR BODY
Fertility continues to decline after age 35, and it takes a nosedive at age 38, says Benjamin Younger, M.D., executive director of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, in Birmingham, AL. "The decline is due mostly to the fact that the woman's eggs are aging, and they become more difficult to fertilize," he adds.
Up until age 35, most doctors suggest that couples have unprotected intercourse for a full year before seeking infertility treatment; that time period is reduced to six months for women over 35. "The greatest problem for infertile couples is delayed treatment, because there's a big difference in success rates between a woman in her late 30s and one in her early 40s," says Ruth Fretts, M.D., clinical instructor of obstetrics and gynecology at Harvard Medical School. "In fact, many infertility clinics won't accept patients if they're older than 39 or 40."
The risk of high blood pressure during pregnancy is about double for women over 35 compared with younger ones; hypertension affects about 10 to 20 percent of pregnant women in this age group. Gestational diabetes is two to three times more common in women over age 35 than in younger women, and recent studies show the risk is even higher if the woman has gained weight over the years.
The chance of having a cesarean section is about twice as high for women ages 35 to 39 as for those in their 20s, possibly because labor tends to take longer in older women. "When the second stage of labor surpasses two hours, obstetricians often intervene and do a C-section to reduce stress on the fetus," says Gertrud Svala Berkowitz, Ph.D., professor of obstetrics and gynecology and reproductive science at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City.
YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF
This is the age when your doctor might recommend amniocentesis or some other prenatal screening -- which for many women is anxiety-provoking while they await results -- because the risks of having a baby with Down syndrome or another type of chromosomal disorder begin to rise significantly.
RISKS TO YOUR BABY
The chance of having multiple births, especially twins and even triplets, increases significantly in your late 30s (and early 40s). "This is probably due to the fact that the hormonal stimulation of the ovaries changes slightly as a woman ages, increasing the chances that they'll release more than one egg," says Dr. Younger. "It could be Mother Nature's way of compensating for the fact that more eggs are likely to be defective." Women who take fertility drugs are also at higher risk of multiple births because the drugs stimulate the ovaries to produce more eggs. Even so, the chance of twin, triplet, or other multiple births is still relatively slim.
The miscarriage rate rises after age 35 to close to 18 percent. Rates of stillbirths are about twice as high among older pregnant women than younger ones, according to recent studies, although the reasons are unknown.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Pregnancy at 30 to 34
Ages 30 to 34
YOUR BODY
Fertility begins to decline at age 30, but this change happens gradually, over the next five years or so. If you need infertility treatment, your chances of success are higher than they are for an older woman. For women under age 35 the success rate of in vitro fertilization (IVF), for example, is 25 to 28 percent; for those over age 40, that rate drops to 6 to 8 percent. One study found that the rate of cesarean sections was close to two times higher among women ages 30 to 34 than among those in their 20s, although doctors don't know why.
YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF
"Women who have been fully involved in their job in their 20s often feel emotionally ready to start a family as they enter their next decade," says Glazer. "And they have the energy and the resources to do it. But they may also feel pulled in different directions. They worry about whether they'll be able to return to their work life -- or whether they'll even want to."
RISKS TO YOUR BABY
The miscarriage rate is 11.7 percent. By age 30 your risk of having a baby with Down syndrome is 1 in 952, and a baby with any chromosomal abnormality, 1 in 385.
YOUR BODY
Fertility begins to decline at age 30, but this change happens gradually, over the next five years or so. If you need infertility treatment, your chances of success are higher than they are for an older woman. For women under age 35 the success rate of in vitro fertilization (IVF), for example, is 25 to 28 percent; for those over age 40, that rate drops to 6 to 8 percent. One study found that the rate of cesarean sections was close to two times higher among women ages 30 to 34 than among those in their 20s, although doctors don't know why.
YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF
"Women who have been fully involved in their job in their 20s often feel emotionally ready to start a family as they enter their next decade," says Glazer. "And they have the energy and the resources to do it. But they may also feel pulled in different directions. They worry about whether they'll be able to return to their work life -- or whether they'll even want to."
RISKS TO YOUR BABY
The miscarriage rate is 11.7 percent. By age 30 your risk of having a baby with Down syndrome is 1 in 952, and a baby with any chromosomal abnormality, 1 in 385.
Categories
pregnancy
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Pregnancy at 25 to 29
Ages 25 to 29
YOUR BODY
If you exercise and eat sensibly, and continue to do so throughout your pregnancy, you should have an easier delivery and be able to get your body back in shape more quickly than a less fit woman might. Although this is true at any age, in your 20s you are more likely to be at optimal fitness, making delivery and postpartum weight loss easier. In terms of long-term health, if you begin conceiving in your 20s, you may be at decreased risk for breast cancer and ovarian cancer, according to some studies. Doctors think that hormonal changes that occur during ovulation (increased estrogen and progesterone), which stimulate the ovaries and breasts every month, may raise the risk of these cancers; the more often you're pregnant, the less often you ovulate.
YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF
In your late 20s you're more likely to be established in your work life and, depending on when you married, your relationship with your husband may also be in better shape to handle the changes that parenthood brings.
RISKS TO YOUR BABY
The miscarriage rate is 10 percent, only slightly higher than for women five years younger. At age 25, your chances of delivering a baby with Down syndrome are 1 in 1,250, and there's a 1 in 476 chance of having a baby with any chromosomal abnormality.
YOUR BODY
If you exercise and eat sensibly, and continue to do so throughout your pregnancy, you should have an easier delivery and be able to get your body back in shape more quickly than a less fit woman might. Although this is true at any age, in your 20s you are more likely to be at optimal fitness, making delivery and postpartum weight loss easier. In terms of long-term health, if you begin conceiving in your 20s, you may be at decreased risk for breast cancer and ovarian cancer, according to some studies. Doctors think that hormonal changes that occur during ovulation (increased estrogen and progesterone), which stimulate the ovaries and breasts every month, may raise the risk of these cancers; the more often you're pregnant, the less often you ovulate.
YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF
In your late 20s you're more likely to be established in your work life and, depending on when you married, your relationship with your husband may also be in better shape to handle the changes that parenthood brings.
RISKS TO YOUR BABY
The miscarriage rate is 10 percent, only slightly higher than for women five years younger. At age 25, your chances of delivering a baby with Down syndrome are 1 in 1,250, and there's a 1 in 476 chance of having a baby with any chromosomal abnormality.
Categories
pregnancy
Monday, November 24, 2008
Pregnancy at 20, 30, 40
Most experts would say there's no one right time to start a family. But there are both advantages and disadvantages to giving birth at different ages: In your 20s, for instance, you'll have more energy to run after and care for your child but fewer financial resources and less personal life experience on which to draw; in your late 30s and 40s you may be more established financially but have a tougher time getting and staying pregnant and, afterward, keeping up with an active baby and toddler.
What follows is a look at the pros and cons of pregnancy at different ages.
Laura Flynn McCarthy writes often about women's health. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and their two sons.
Ages 20 to 24
YOUR BODY
These are your most fertile years. Your periods are probably regular, and most, if not all, of them are ovulatory. Even now, however, you may not conceive exactly when you want to. The average woman between 20 and 24 years old has about a 20 percent chance each month of getting pregnant when she has unprotected intercourse.
Once you do conceive, your blood pressure will probably be checked at each prenatal appointment, even though most women in their 20s have only a small risk of hypertension during pregnancy. New research shows that you have about half the risk of gestational diabetes that women in their 40s do, which is why recent guidelines from the American Diabetes Association suggest eliminating the once routine test for gestational diabetes in women age 25 or under.
YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF
How you feel about your pregnancy may depend, in great part, on other things in your life. Some women who postpone job advancement to have a baby feel ambivalent or resentful at first, says Diane Ross Glazer, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Woodland Hills, CA. "Another concern is body image, which is a bigger issue for most women in their 20s than for those who are older. Also, a woman at this age is likely to be focused more on her marriage than on other parts of her life, such as her job, and adding a third person into the mix may be difficult," says Glazer.
RISKS TO YOUR BABY
The miscarriage rate during these years is about 9.5 percent, the lowest it will ever be. Because your eggs are still relatively young, your baby is much less likely to be born with a birth defect such as Down syndrome (1 in 1,667 births among women age 20) or other chromosomal abnormalities (1 in 526 among women age 20). Yet more infants with these disorders are born to women in their 20s because those in this age group have more babies and women past 35 are more likely to be offered screening tests and may elect to terminate a pregnancy in which the fetus has a birth defect.
What follows is a look at the pros and cons of pregnancy at different ages.
Laura Flynn McCarthy writes often about women's health. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and their two sons.
Ages 20 to 24
YOUR BODY
These are your most fertile years. Your periods are probably regular, and most, if not all, of them are ovulatory. Even now, however, you may not conceive exactly when you want to. The average woman between 20 and 24 years old has about a 20 percent chance each month of getting pregnant when she has unprotected intercourse.
Once you do conceive, your blood pressure will probably be checked at each prenatal appointment, even though most women in their 20s have only a small risk of hypertension during pregnancy. New research shows that you have about half the risk of gestational diabetes that women in their 40s do, which is why recent guidelines from the American Diabetes Association suggest eliminating the once routine test for gestational diabetes in women age 25 or under.
YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF
How you feel about your pregnancy may depend, in great part, on other things in your life. Some women who postpone job advancement to have a baby feel ambivalent or resentful at first, says Diane Ross Glazer, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Woodland Hills, CA. "Another concern is body image, which is a bigger issue for most women in their 20s than for those who are older. Also, a woman at this age is likely to be focused more on her marriage than on other parts of her life, such as her job, and adding a third person into the mix may be difficult," says Glazer.
RISKS TO YOUR BABY
The miscarriage rate during these years is about 9.5 percent, the lowest it will ever be. Because your eggs are still relatively young, your baby is much less likely to be born with a birth defect such as Down syndrome (1 in 1,667 births among women age 20) or other chromosomal abnormalities (1 in 526 among women age 20). Yet more infants with these disorders are born to women in their 20s because those in this age group have more babies and women past 35 are more likely to be offered screening tests and may elect to terminate a pregnancy in which the fetus has a birth defect.
Categories
pregnancy
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Boys vs. Girls: Who's Harder to Raise(5)
School
Who's harder? Mostly boys
Boys and modern education are not an idyllic match. An indoor-based day and an early emphasis on academics and visual-auditory (as opposed to hands-on) learning ask a lot of a group that arrives at school less mature. In their early years, most boys lag behind girls in developing attentiveness, self-control, and language and fine motor skills.
The relatively recent acceleration of the pre-K and kindergarten curricula has occurred without awareness that the brain develops at different sequences in girls and boys, Dr. Sax says. Music, clay work, finger painting, and physical exercise -- early-ed activities that once helped lively kids acclimate to school -- are vanishing. Few teachers are trained in handling the problems that result.
One area where girls do less well in school concerns spatial learning, such as geometry. Girls may use different parts of their brains to process space perceptions. The key is for parents to present both boys and girls with plenty of no-pressure opportunities to try out the areas that are challenging.
The bottom line? On balance, the general consensus seems to be that boys are more of a handful early on, and girls more challenging beginning in the preteen years. Which means that, as the mom of daughters who are 12, 9, and 7, I have the next ten years cut out for me!
Parenting contributing editor Paula Spencer is the coauthor, with Jill Stamm, M.D., of Bright From the Start: The Simple, Science-Backed Way to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, From Birth to Three.
Who's harder? Mostly boys
Boys and modern education are not an idyllic match. An indoor-based day and an early emphasis on academics and visual-auditory (as opposed to hands-on) learning ask a lot of a group that arrives at school less mature. In their early years, most boys lag behind girls in developing attentiveness, self-control, and language and fine motor skills.
The relatively recent acceleration of the pre-K and kindergarten curricula has occurred without awareness that the brain develops at different sequences in girls and boys, Dr. Sax says. Music, clay work, finger painting, and physical exercise -- early-ed activities that once helped lively kids acclimate to school -- are vanishing. Few teachers are trained in handling the problems that result.
One area where girls do less well in school concerns spatial learning, such as geometry. Girls may use different parts of their brains to process space perceptions. The key is for parents to present both boys and girls with plenty of no-pressure opportunities to try out the areas that are challenging.
The bottom line? On balance, the general consensus seems to be that boys are more of a handful early on, and girls more challenging beginning in the preteen years. Which means that, as the mom of daughters who are 12, 9, and 7, I have the next ten years cut out for me!
Parenting contributing editor Paula Spencer is the coauthor, with Jill Stamm, M.D., of Bright From the Start: The Simple, Science-Backed Way to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, From Birth to Three.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Boys vs. Girls: Who's Harder to Raise(4)
Self-esteem
Who's harder? Girls
Developing a healthy self-image is critical to all kids. But as the more compliant and people-oriented gender, girls tend to grow up less confident and more insecure than boys, researchers say. Famed gender researcher and psychologist Carol Gilligan, Ph.D., calls this "the tyranny of nice and kind" -- unwittingly raising girls to be people pleasers.
"This cultural pressure to put others' needs first, ignore one's own gut feelings, and avoid asking for what one wants has traditionally harmed girls," says Jenn Berman, a California family therapist who wrote The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids. "Despite the fact that she enjoys the positive attention and accolades that people pleasing brings, the more a girl pushes her own needs and desires underground to please others, the more likely her own self-esteem will suffer."
"I see a natural nurturing instinct in my daughter and her friends," says Tracy Lyn Moland, a parenting consultant in Calgary, Alberta, who has a girl, 11, and a boy, 8. "I find myself saying, 'I can take care of that -- you get yourself ready,' when she's trying to mother her brother."
Make no mistake, helpfulness and nurturing are virtues for everybody. But this tendency in girls makes it smart to help her explore and strengthen her inner nature and encourage her to try new things.
Body image is a big part of self-esteem, and though there's certainly body-image dysfunction in boys and men, it remains mostly a female issue. The natural rounding out of the body that happens in puberty clashes with the unnatural slimness girls see in the culture around them.
Be aware of the messages you convey about your own body, diet, and exercise. "It's painfully obvious that girls' negative body image can come directly from seeing their moms look critically in the mirror and complain," says Berman. "Teach your daughter to listen to her body's signals of hunger and satiety. Girls who listen to their bodies tend to listen to their instincts in other areas." Sports are a great way for girls to build confidence and a healthy appreciation for their bodies.
Who's harder? Girls
Developing a healthy self-image is critical to all kids. But as the more compliant and people-oriented gender, girls tend to grow up less confident and more insecure than boys, researchers say. Famed gender researcher and psychologist Carol Gilligan, Ph.D., calls this "the tyranny of nice and kind" -- unwittingly raising girls to be people pleasers.
"This cultural pressure to put others' needs first, ignore one's own gut feelings, and avoid asking for what one wants has traditionally harmed girls," says Jenn Berman, a California family therapist who wrote The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids. "Despite the fact that she enjoys the positive attention and accolades that people pleasing brings, the more a girl pushes her own needs and desires underground to please others, the more likely her own self-esteem will suffer."
"I see a natural nurturing instinct in my daughter and her friends," says Tracy Lyn Moland, a parenting consultant in Calgary, Alberta, who has a girl, 11, and a boy, 8. "I find myself saying, 'I can take care of that -- you get yourself ready,' when she's trying to mother her brother."
Make no mistake, helpfulness and nurturing are virtues for everybody. But this tendency in girls makes it smart to help her explore and strengthen her inner nature and encourage her to try new things.
Body image is a big part of self-esteem, and though there's certainly body-image dysfunction in boys and men, it remains mostly a female issue. The natural rounding out of the body that happens in puberty clashes with the unnatural slimness girls see in the culture around them.
Be aware of the messages you convey about your own body, diet, and exercise. "It's painfully obvious that girls' negative body image can come directly from seeing their moms look critically in the mirror and complain," says Berman. "Teach your daughter to listen to her body's signals of hunger and satiety. Girls who listen to their bodies tend to listen to their instincts in other areas." Sports are a great way for girls to build confidence and a healthy appreciation for their bodies.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Boys vs. Girls: Who's Harder to Raise(3)
Communication
Who's harder? First boys, then girls
From birth, a girl baby tends to be more interested in looking at colors and textures, like those on the human face, while a boy baby is drawn more to movement, like a whirling mobile, says Dr. Sax. (These differences play out in the way kids draw: Girls tend to use a rainbow of hues to draw nouns, while boys lean toward blue, black, and silver for their more verblike pictures of vehicles crashing and wars.) In a nutshell, girls are rigged to be people-oriented, boys to be action-oriented. Because girls study faces so intently, they're better at reading nonverbal signals, such as expression and tone of voice. Boys not only learn to talk later than girls and use more limited vocabularies, they also have more trouble connecting feelings with words.
"While most girls share their feelings and details of events, my three sons honestly don't see that as important. I spend my days asking, 'What happened then?' or 'What did he say after you said that?'" O'Donnell says.
Important note: Because boys hold eye contact for shorter periods than girls, parents may worry about autism, since this can be a red flag. "It's a relief for moms to know that this is normal and comes from the way the brains are set up," Gurian says.
As girls get to be 8 or so, things can get harder: The flip side of being so adept at communicating is that girls exert a lot of energy on it. There can be a great deal of drama around who's mad at whom, who said what and why, and more. Start when your daughter's a toddler to establish an open communication, so she learns she can come to you for advice.
Who's harder? First boys, then girls
From birth, a girl baby tends to be more interested in looking at colors and textures, like those on the human face, while a boy baby is drawn more to movement, like a whirling mobile, says Dr. Sax. (These differences play out in the way kids draw: Girls tend to use a rainbow of hues to draw nouns, while boys lean toward blue, black, and silver for their more verblike pictures of vehicles crashing and wars.) In a nutshell, girls are rigged to be people-oriented, boys to be action-oriented. Because girls study faces so intently, they're better at reading nonverbal signals, such as expression and tone of voice. Boys not only learn to talk later than girls and use more limited vocabularies, they also have more trouble connecting feelings with words.
"While most girls share their feelings and details of events, my three sons honestly don't see that as important. I spend my days asking, 'What happened then?' or 'What did he say after you said that?'" O'Donnell says.
Important note: Because boys hold eye contact for shorter periods than girls, parents may worry about autism, since this can be a red flag. "It's a relief for moms to know that this is normal and comes from the way the brains are set up," Gurian says.
As girls get to be 8 or so, things can get harder: The flip side of being so adept at communicating is that girls exert a lot of energy on it. There can be a great deal of drama around who's mad at whom, who said what and why, and more. Start when your daughter's a toddler to establish an open communication, so she learns she can come to you for advice.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Boys vs. Girls: Who's Harder to Raise(2)
Discipline
Who's harder? Boys
Why don't boys seem to listen? Turns out their hearing is not as good as girls' right from birth, and this difference only gets greater as kids get older. Girls' hearing is more sensitive in the frequency range critical to speech discrimination, and the verbal centers in their brains develop more quickly. That means a girl is likely to respond better to discipline strategies such as praise or warnings like "Don't do that" or "Use your words." "Boys tend to be more tactile -- they may need to be picked up and plunked in a time-out chair," Gurian says. They're also less verbal and more impulsive, he adds, which is especially evident in the toddler and preschool years.
These developmental differences contribute to the mislabeling of normal behavior as problematic, a growing number of observers say. Five boys for every one girl are diagnosed with a "disorder" (including conduct disorder, bipolar disorder, hyperactivity, attention deficit disorder, sensory integration disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder), says Stein, also the author of Unraveling the ADD/ADHD Fiasco. Some kids -- most often boys -- may simply fall on the more robust end of normal. They need more opportunities to expend energy and aggression, as well as firmer limits.
Physical safety
Who's harder? Boys
"Much after-dinner wrestling here," reports Michelle Mayr, the Davis, California, mom of four boys, ages 5 to 12. "I'm constantly fighting to keep my house a home rather than an indoor sports center. Their stuffed animals' primary function is to be added to the pile of pillows everyone is launching into from the coffee table." In general, boys are more rambunctious and aggressive, experts say. Taking risks lights up the pleasure centers of their brains. Many parents find they have to keep a closer eye on what a son is "getting into," or use more bandages.
But letting kids explore -- at the cost of a few scrapes and cuts -- builds character, self-confidence, resilience, and self-reliance, says Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. Boys, being natural risk takers, may need encouragement to slow down a little, but maybe girls need to be encouraged to take more risks. Look for opportunities for your daughter to jump off a wall, swim in the deep end, or try the bigger slide.
Who's harder? Boys
Why don't boys seem to listen? Turns out their hearing is not as good as girls' right from birth, and this difference only gets greater as kids get older. Girls' hearing is more sensitive in the frequency range critical to speech discrimination, and the verbal centers in their brains develop more quickly. That means a girl is likely to respond better to discipline strategies such as praise or warnings like "Don't do that" or "Use your words." "Boys tend to be more tactile -- they may need to be picked up and plunked in a time-out chair," Gurian says. They're also less verbal and more impulsive, he adds, which is especially evident in the toddler and preschool years.
These developmental differences contribute to the mislabeling of normal behavior as problematic, a growing number of observers say. Five boys for every one girl are diagnosed with a "disorder" (including conduct disorder, bipolar disorder, hyperactivity, attention deficit disorder, sensory integration disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder), says Stein, also the author of Unraveling the ADD/ADHD Fiasco. Some kids -- most often boys -- may simply fall on the more robust end of normal. They need more opportunities to expend energy and aggression, as well as firmer limits.
Physical safety
Who's harder? Boys
"Much after-dinner wrestling here," reports Michelle Mayr, the Davis, California, mom of four boys, ages 5 to 12. "I'm constantly fighting to keep my house a home rather than an indoor sports center. Their stuffed animals' primary function is to be added to the pile of pillows everyone is launching into from the coffee table." In general, boys are more rambunctious and aggressive, experts say. Taking risks lights up the pleasure centers of their brains. Many parents find they have to keep a closer eye on what a son is "getting into," or use more bandages.
But letting kids explore -- at the cost of a few scrapes and cuts -- builds character, self-confidence, resilience, and self-reliance, says Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. Boys, being natural risk takers, may need encouragement to slow down a little, but maybe girls need to be encouraged to take more risks. Look for opportunities for your daughter to jump off a wall, swim in the deep end, or try the bigger slide.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Boys vs. Girls: Who's Harder to Raise(1)
Can we finally answer the great parenting debate over which sex is more challenging to raise?
I often say that I spend more time and energy on my one boy than on my three girls. Other mothers of boys are quick to say the same. Forget that old poem about snips and snails and puppy dog tails, says Sharon O'Donnell, a mom of three boys and the author of House of Testosterone. "Somehow it's been changed to boys being made of 'fights, farts, and video games,' and sometimes I'm not sure how much more I can take!"
Not so fast, say moms of girls, who point out that they have to contend with fussier fashion sense, more prickly social navigations, and a far greater capacity to hold a grudge. And as a daughter grows, a parent's concerns range from body image to math bias.
Stereotyping, or large kernels of truth? "I think parents use 'which is harder?' as an expression of whatever our frustration is at the moment," says family therapist Michael Gurian, author of Nurture the Nature. "Boys and girls are each harder in different ways."
Every child is an individual, of course. His or her innate personality helps shape how life unfolds. Environment (including us, the nurturers) plays a role, too: "There are differences in how we handle boys and girls right from birth," says David Stein, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Virginia State University in Petersburg. "We tend to talk more softly to girls and throw boys in the air."
But it's also true that each gender's brain, and growth, unfolds at a different rate, influencing behavior. Leonard Sax, M.D., author of Boys Adrift, believes parents raise girls and boys differently because girls and boys are so different from birth -- their brains aren't wired the same way.
So, can we finally answer the great parenting debate over which sex is more challenging to raise? Much depends on what you're looking at, and when:
Monday, September 22, 2008
Hold on! Before You Start Toilet Training...
Lots of parents get nervous when they think about toilet training their young child. The folklore about toilet training may have a lot to do with their anxiety. For example, parents hear stories about children being toilet trained at six months of age. Those kinds of stories are ridiculous; a child who can't walk cannot possibly go to the toilet without help, which is what being toilet trained means. Or, a mother hears from relatives that as a child, she was easily trained and then never had an accident – day or night. Such folklore makes parents think there is some simple way – if only they knew it – to toilet train a child once and for all. No wonder parents question whether they or their child is up to the task of toilet training.
We’d like to help you get past these myths and misconceptions and give you some practical, common sense information that can help make potty training your child a more pleasant and satisfying experience.
Forget the Folklore
You can toilet train your child effectively and efficiently if you keep in mind some basic guidelines. Do these four things before you get started with potty training:
Relax. Toilet training is often the first task that parents take a strong stand on. Sure, it is important to you, but adding tension and pressure to the process will not make it any easier for you or your child. Remember, unlike eating, sleeping, and playing, there is no natural, immediate payoff for your child when he or she uses the toilet. Your child may not always cooperate with you during toilet training, but your tension will just make things worse. You know your child eventually will learn to use the toilet, so don't make it a contest of wills. Be calm and patient, and allow your child some time to get the idea.
Wait. Most children are toilet trained when they are 2, 3, or 4 years old. A few children are ready earlier, but just to be on the safe side, wait until your child is at least 2 years old.
Make sure you are ready. Do you really want to find out where the bathroom is in every store and restaurant you go to and on every highway and street you drive? Are you ready for potty interruptions all day long? Have the grandparents let up on their pressure about toilet training? (Remember, toilet training need not be a community affair. If you don't want to, you don't have to mention your child's efforts to anyone else, even grandparents.) Has the crisis at work passed? Is the household relatively stable now, and will it continue to be so for a few weeks? (Having other parts of your life running smoothly will help ease the chore of toilet training.)
Make sure your child is ready. If you are really ready to toilet train, see if your child is ready. Parents and others (grandma, aunt, friends) sometimes push toilet training before there are clear signs that the child is ready. Your child is not ready:
* Just because he’s told you he wants to wear “big boy” pants.
* Just because she wants the Big Wheel you promised as a reward.
* Just because he or she has had some dry days playing on the potty chair. (Many children do this around 18 months of age.)
What Is Readiness?
* Age: Your child should be at least 20 months old and preferably 2 years old or older.
* Physical readiness: Your child should be able to pick up objects, lower and raise his or her pants, and walk from room to room easily.
* Bladder readiness: Your child should already be staying dry for several hours at a time, urinating about four to six times a day, and completely emptying his or her bladder. If your child is still wetting a small amount frequently (7 to 10 times a day), you should wait.
* Language readiness: Your child should understand your toileting words, words like "wet," "dry," "pants," and "bathroom." If your child does not understand what you are talking about, you should wait.
* Instructional readiness: Your child should be able to understand simple instructions, such as "Come here, please" and "Sit down." Just as important, your child should be following the reasonable instructions you give. If your child opposes you much of the time and has frequent temper tantrums, you will probably have problems with toilet training.
* Bladder and bowel awareness: Your child may indicate that he or she is aware of the need to void or eliminate. Children usually indicate this awareness not through words but through actions – making a face, assuming a special posture like squatting, or going to a certain location when they feel the urge to urinate or defecate. This may be a positive sign that your child is ready to begin toilet training.
Getting Your Child Ready
You can take some steps now that will help your child when, at some time in the future, you begin toilet training.
Let your child watch you. Your child can learn a lot about how to use the toilet correctly by watching a parent. Frequently let your child come with you when you go to the bathroom. Use simple words to explain what you are doing (for example, "Mommy is going peepee in the potty.").
Teach your child to raise and lower his or her pants. You can do this gradually when you are dressing or undressing your child. With your daughter, for example, you can first pull down her pants with little or no help from her. Then, do less pulling and let her do more. This process may take many weeks, but it is worthwhile. Later, when you begin toilet training, you will be glad that your child already knows how to pull down his or her pants and that you don’t have to tackle that learning task in addition to toilet training.
Help your child learn to follow your instructions. Make sure you have your child's attention when you give an instruction. Immediately praise your child if he or she does what you ask. If your child does not follow your instruction right away, gently guide him or her through what should be done, and do not give another instruction until the first one has been followed. If your child starts to cry, ignore the crying. When your child has calmed down, repeat your instruction. If you often have trouble getting your child to follow your instructions, ask your health care provider for guidelines on managing your child's behavior, or search the Boys Town Web site parenting.org for valuable help.
Set out a potty chair. A few weeks, or even months, before you think you will start toilet training, make a potty chair available to your child so that he or she can get used to it. Put it in the bathroom or in another room so your child has a chance to investigate it. Let your child get used to sitting on it, with clothes on. Encourage your son to sit on the potty (instead of standing in front of it) so that he will be used to sitting when you start toilet training. (Later on, when he is well past being toilet trained, he can stand.)
Praise your child. Every time your child does something the right way, be sure to let him or her know. Praise your child with words that are brief and to the point, such as "You did a good job pulling down your pants." Or, give your child a smile, a hug, or a kiss. This attention is how you teach your child what behavior pleases you.
Summary
By forgetting the folklore, following a few guidelines, getting yourself and your child ready, and preparing, toilet training should be easier for everyone involved. Just remember the things you can do before beginning to potty train:
* Frequently let your child watch you go to the bathroom.
* Teach your child to raise and lower his or her pants.
* Teach your child to follow your instructions.
* Make sure you are ready before you try to toilet train your child.
* Make sure your child is ready.
* Wait until your child is at least 2 years old.
* Set out a potty chair so your child can get used to it.
* Relax.
* Praise your child every time he or she does any part of toileting behavior correctly.
Recommended Reading
Christophersen, E.R. (1988). Little people: Guidelines for common sense child-rearing. Shawnee Mission, KS: Overland Press. (See especially Chapter 16, "Toilet Training," pp. 107-113.)
Berk, L.B., & Friman, P.C. (1990). Epidemiologic aspects of toilet training. Clinical Pediatrics, 29, 278-282.
We’d like to help you get past these myths and misconceptions and give you some practical, common sense information that can help make potty training your child a more pleasant and satisfying experience.
Forget the Folklore
You can toilet train your child effectively and efficiently if you keep in mind some basic guidelines. Do these four things before you get started with potty training:
Relax. Toilet training is often the first task that parents take a strong stand on. Sure, it is important to you, but adding tension and pressure to the process will not make it any easier for you or your child. Remember, unlike eating, sleeping, and playing, there is no natural, immediate payoff for your child when he or she uses the toilet. Your child may not always cooperate with you during toilet training, but your tension will just make things worse. You know your child eventually will learn to use the toilet, so don't make it a contest of wills. Be calm and patient, and allow your child some time to get the idea.
Wait. Most children are toilet trained when they are 2, 3, or 4 years old. A few children are ready earlier, but just to be on the safe side, wait until your child is at least 2 years old.
Make sure you are ready. Do you really want to find out where the bathroom is in every store and restaurant you go to and on every highway and street you drive? Are you ready for potty interruptions all day long? Have the grandparents let up on their pressure about toilet training? (Remember, toilet training need not be a community affair. If you don't want to, you don't have to mention your child's efforts to anyone else, even grandparents.) Has the crisis at work passed? Is the household relatively stable now, and will it continue to be so for a few weeks? (Having other parts of your life running smoothly will help ease the chore of toilet training.)
Make sure your child is ready. If you are really ready to toilet train, see if your child is ready. Parents and others (grandma, aunt, friends) sometimes push toilet training before there are clear signs that the child is ready. Your child is not ready:
* Just because he’s told you he wants to wear “big boy” pants.
* Just because she wants the Big Wheel you promised as a reward.
* Just because he or she has had some dry days playing on the potty chair. (Many children do this around 18 months of age.)
What Is Readiness?
* Age: Your child should be at least 20 months old and preferably 2 years old or older.
* Physical readiness: Your child should be able to pick up objects, lower and raise his or her pants, and walk from room to room easily.
* Bladder readiness: Your child should already be staying dry for several hours at a time, urinating about four to six times a day, and completely emptying his or her bladder. If your child is still wetting a small amount frequently (7 to 10 times a day), you should wait.
* Language readiness: Your child should understand your toileting words, words like "wet," "dry," "pants," and "bathroom." If your child does not understand what you are talking about, you should wait.
* Instructional readiness: Your child should be able to understand simple instructions, such as "Come here, please" and "Sit down." Just as important, your child should be following the reasonable instructions you give. If your child opposes you much of the time and has frequent temper tantrums, you will probably have problems with toilet training.
* Bladder and bowel awareness: Your child may indicate that he or she is aware of the need to void or eliminate. Children usually indicate this awareness not through words but through actions – making a face, assuming a special posture like squatting, or going to a certain location when they feel the urge to urinate or defecate. This may be a positive sign that your child is ready to begin toilet training.
Getting Your Child Ready
You can take some steps now that will help your child when, at some time in the future, you begin toilet training.
Let your child watch you. Your child can learn a lot about how to use the toilet correctly by watching a parent. Frequently let your child come with you when you go to the bathroom. Use simple words to explain what you are doing (for example, "Mommy is going peepee in the potty.").
Teach your child to raise and lower his or her pants. You can do this gradually when you are dressing or undressing your child. With your daughter, for example, you can first pull down her pants with little or no help from her. Then, do less pulling and let her do more. This process may take many weeks, but it is worthwhile. Later, when you begin toilet training, you will be glad that your child already knows how to pull down his or her pants and that you don’t have to tackle that learning task in addition to toilet training.
Help your child learn to follow your instructions. Make sure you have your child's attention when you give an instruction. Immediately praise your child if he or she does what you ask. If your child does not follow your instruction right away, gently guide him or her through what should be done, and do not give another instruction until the first one has been followed. If your child starts to cry, ignore the crying. When your child has calmed down, repeat your instruction. If you often have trouble getting your child to follow your instructions, ask your health care provider for guidelines on managing your child's behavior, or search the Boys Town Web site parenting.org for valuable help.
Set out a potty chair. A few weeks, or even months, before you think you will start toilet training, make a potty chair available to your child so that he or she can get used to it. Put it in the bathroom or in another room so your child has a chance to investigate it. Let your child get used to sitting on it, with clothes on. Encourage your son to sit on the potty (instead of standing in front of it) so that he will be used to sitting when you start toilet training. (Later on, when he is well past being toilet trained, he can stand.)
Praise your child. Every time your child does something the right way, be sure to let him or her know. Praise your child with words that are brief and to the point, such as "You did a good job pulling down your pants." Or, give your child a smile, a hug, or a kiss. This attention is how you teach your child what behavior pleases you.
Summary
By forgetting the folklore, following a few guidelines, getting yourself and your child ready, and preparing, toilet training should be easier for everyone involved. Just remember the things you can do before beginning to potty train:
* Frequently let your child watch you go to the bathroom.
* Teach your child to raise and lower his or her pants.
* Teach your child to follow your instructions.
* Make sure you are ready before you try to toilet train your child.
* Make sure your child is ready.
* Wait until your child is at least 2 years old.
* Set out a potty chair so your child can get used to it.
* Relax.
* Praise your child every time he or she does any part of toileting behavior correctly.
Recommended Reading
Christophersen, E.R. (1988). Little people: Guidelines for common sense child-rearing. Shawnee Mission, KS: Overland Press. (See especially Chapter 16, "Toilet Training," pp. 107-113.)
Berk, L.B., & Friman, P.C. (1990). Epidemiologic aspects of toilet training. Clinical Pediatrics, 29, 278-282.
Categories
toilet training
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)