Parenting Teenagers and Taking Care of Yourself

I have heard countless parents of teenagers tell me that they feel overwhelmed on a daily basis and "feel drained" by their lives. They also often report that they feel guilty for feeling this way which makes them feel worse because they feel they "shouldn't" be feeling so overwhelmed. Parents in this situation often report that they are not sleeping well, that they have a short fuse, that they feel they cannot get everything done in the day that they need to, that they are not getting along with their spouses, that they never have time for themselves or even that they are using alcohol to relax in the evenings because they feel they cannot relax on their own.

The fact that I am writing this newsletter tells you that there are many parents who have this experience. Being a parent is a big, demanding commitment and being the parent of a teenager brings even more challenges with it. Parents are often juggling transporting teens, getting them up and ready for school (generally not an easy or enjoyable task), following up with school meetings, working or taking care of the home or both on top of their own day to day needs. It is easy for parents to get lost in the hustle and bustle and then realize that they never do anything for themselves and feel like others are constantly "taking from them". It is also likely that parents in this situation will become resentful at some point which is often what results in their having marital conflict or a short fuse with others. It is important that a parent in this situation, or those heading for this situation, make some changes which will reduce their overall stress. Some examples of things parents can do are listed below.

Tips for Parents:

1. Simplify your schedule. Look at a "typical" weekly schedule and identify all the standing appointments, transports, games, meeting, etc that you have to do. Then look to see if any can be combined, eliminated, or shared with someone else. After you have done this, try to book other appointments that come up in a way that makes sense and minimizes the amount of time or days you are driving around from appointment to appointment.

2. Simplify your household tasks. Look at all the household responsibilities you take care of each week and identify if any can be reduced. For example: are there areas of the house that really don't need thorough cleaning on a regular basis, can your teens pick up one or two things to reduce the time you spend on cleaning or laundry, can you use a grocery delivery service, which often times are not more expensive, to eliminate trips to the store?

3. Simplify Dinners. Cook enough so you can have leftovers or by make easier meals that will save you time. Think about if there is a way to make the dinner process quicker and easier.

4. Remember that sometimes you should say "no". If your teenager is always asking you to do things at the last minute or is putting you on the spot in front of their friends to give them rides it is absolutely appropriate for you to tell them "no" and that they need to be more plan-ful about such things.

5. Make time for yourself a priority. Figure out one thing you can do each week that is just for you. Whether it is taking an exercise class, going golfing or to a lesson of some sort, taking a long bath, going for a walk, going to the library or any other activity that you find enjoying - the point is that you make it a priority. Schedule it in so that nothing else can be scheduled on top of it and so that the time you put aside is truly your time.

You should not feel guilty for setting limits on your time or for scheduling time for yourself. You need to be able to relax and enjoy things for yourself. Doing this will ultimately make you more available and helpful to the others who depend on you.

Part-Time Parenting With a Full Time Heart - Teaching Your Child the Art of Negotiating

As I was cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast this morning, my son came into the room to hand me another plate he found tidying up the living room. I thanked him and then as he was walking away I asked him if he had brushed his teeth yet. "No, not yet" was his answer, but he didn't stop there. He glanced over his shoulder at me and finished with "during the next advertisement, I will" then promptly went back in the living room to finish his Scooby Doo movie. I listened to the program to see when the advertisement would start and sure enough he went and brushed his teeth at the start of it. Now...he has figured out how to negotiate!

Long ago I was taught by my mother, that the only time you should say "no" to your child is if what they want or want to do is going to hurt/kill themselves, harm/kill someone else, is morally wrong or illegal then you should say no. Other than that before you say "no" you need to think why you are saying no, because they deserve to know the reason. In today's world, I have found that too many people just say "no" to their children, not really thinking about why they are saying no. It has just become a habit to say it. I feel this is one of the main reasons that children have such animosity towards their parent/s and are running a muck among us, too many "no's" without thought because it is easier than reasoning, teaching and negotiating with the children. I have chosen to raise my son using negotiations and reasoning to build towards a stronger more stable relationship.

He has never tried sticking forks in plug-ins because I explained what would happen, then we did an electric current experiment with a potato. He has only wanted to touch the top of a stove once and I said "If you do that, you will burn yourself" He asked "warum?" German for why, being about 2 yrs old at the time, he was curious. So I told him that I had just turned the burner off and it was still hot, I showed him the potatoes and steam coming from them, I then allowed him to put his hand over the steam and he said "Heiss" German for hot. I said "that is right and the stove is hotter than the steam. He left the kitchen and said "ok" never bothering to go near the stove again.

That is when it dawned on me, that children, no matter how young they are, understand more than what we have been led to believe. So with that idea in mind, I started to negotiate and rationalize things with my son, even at the age of 2. If he wants something, or to go somewhere, or do something, we talk about it and discuss the pros and cons. He comes up with the reasons why he should have, do or go and I talk to him about my concerns. More times then not, he decides not to have, go or do, but if he still does want, we then negotiate.

Being a part-time parent, I figure this is one of the best things I can teach him while he lives with his father. His father is Swiss/German enough said, and I don't want my son growing up angry and hating his father or his Swiss/German heritage. His father loves to negotiate and make deals....so this is a great tool for my son to have and he is being taught to do this through love. Next time your child/ren come(s) to you wanting something and before you say "no" think about it and discuss it. I think you will be surprised that after that discussion your child might not want it, go or do what they thought they did in the first place.

Tips on Helping Your Child Develop His Self-Esteem

Being a parent is challenging. New babies don't come with a manual. It is our responsibility to do the best job of care giving that we are capable of. And it is a big responsibility! A child is born with a clean mind. He is programmed by the people who surround him. His level of self-esteem is dependent on how his parents and primary care givers behave to each other, to his siblings and to him. It's that important!

Here are a few tips to help your child to grow up healthy, happy and secure:

* Be aware that the most important thing you can do for your child is to treat them always with respect and understanding. They are learning all the time. We can give them boundaries (which they need) without taking away their self-respect.

* Listen to them when they have something to say.

* Encourage them when they are learning something new or have done a project.

* Include them in family decisions that effect them. They are equal to us in rights. They are just small people.

* Teach them how to tell the truth about what is going on for them. Teach the family how to communicate so that everyone gets a chance to express himself.

* When they have done something against the house rules, let them know it and try to find the natural or logical consequence of it. There is always a consequence of an action, and it usually works well as the punishment.

* Always let them know you love them no matter what. Their actions are separate from who they are. (a wrong action does not make a bad person )

* Allow them to express themselves and explore the things that they are interested in. A child genius must not go unnoticed.

* Try not to let the stress of life impact them. As an adult, you have a responsibility to make sure that your family is provided for. In all of that, let's not forget the children's emotional needs.

* Again, remember that the level of a child's self-esteem influences all of his thoughts, feelings, actions and results for the rest of his life. Be gentle and generous with your love.

For more information on children's self-esteem, go to my website at...

http://www.self-esteem-the-simple-truth.com

Kids = Chaos - What You Need to Do to Save Your Sanity

Your kids yell, fight, scream, taunt, play, make funny noises, talk, and complain all day long without any vacations. You try to remain calm and tuck your anger and frustrations under the rug along with the bits of dust from the day, but it happens anyway. You end up yelling at the top of your lungs and your kids chime in. Eventually, you all sound like a chorus line from a poorly rehearsed school play. While occasionally it's okay to vent to your children to let them know you're still alive, this isn't the most laid-back route to take. There are several things you can do to keep your cool by avoiding these types of situations altogether.

Teach Them to Be Independent

While this is easier said than done, it is by far the best way to allow yourself the free time you need to de-stress, chill out, and handle your kids in a more reassuring manner. It takes time to do this properly though. Some things kids just aren't able to do until they've reached a certain age, don't let that slow you down. Start early for the best results because once they've become overly dependent on you, you can kiss your free time goodbye.

Start Early with Etiquette Training

No one appreciates a kid who talks back, speaks while their talking, and have never heard of the word please or thank you. These kids somehow think they are entitled to everything everyone has and that they shouldn't have to be bothered with asking. This is not only a bad look for your kids, but it's a bad look for you too. It tells others that you don't care what your kids do or how they treat people (and I know you do). This is especially true of people who don't have kids. Get them prepared to deal with society and you can enjoy spending more time together outside of the house. Plus, you'll be able to trust them to behave when you're not around. Can somebody say "stay at Grandma's for the night"?

Get Your Kids Used to a Routine

Kids like structure. I'm sure you've heard this hundreds of times. Routines make them feel safe because they know what to expect. Routines also let you enjoy the freedom from stressed out kids who don't want to get ready for bed, do their homework, or take a bath. If you set up a basic schedule for them to follow, they will know exactly what to expect at exactly the time you want it to happen. This also allows you to do things at the spur of the moment and then easily put your child right back on track with the next scheduled event on their schedule.

These are the very simple basic components of having peace in your home, especially if you have more than one child. Start with these, and you'll be well on your way to enjoying the fun parts of growing up.

Have you tried any of these things with your own kids? How is it working out for you? Is there anything that you would add to the list that would make your kids easier to deal with?

Holocaust Days of Remembrance - Bullying, And the Role of the Bystander

While International Holocaust Remembrance Day was observed this year on January 27th to mark the liberation of Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp, these Holocaust Days of Remembrance, April 11th through the 18th, commemorate the anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising.

Despite such observances and these 65 intervening years, perpetrators everywhere continue to intimidate and inflict harm, while the majority of us stand by-looking on, doing nothing, saying nothing.

Even in our schools.

That is why we must be ever mindful of the many lessons of the Holocaust, teaching them to our children at home, just as is being done in schools across the country where our young people examine Hitler's rise to power and his Nazi regime.

They learn, too, about the perpetrators-the bullies-who inflicted grave harm on millions of innocent victims, the brave souls who risked their lives to rescue their Jewish neighbors, and the all-too-many bystanders who shut their eyes and carried on, enablers of evil.

Then, after reading such books as The Diary of Anne Frank, they are visited by such Holocaust survivors as Anne Fox and Lila Perl, whose unforgettable stories leave a lasting impression.

These experiences carry special significance given such headlines as USA Today's recent, "A 'watershed' case in school bullying?"

The teen in question was Massachusetts' South Hadley High School freshman Phoebe Prince who killed herself after months of being bullied-both in-her-face and electronically-by two boys and seven girls, now criminally charged.

As Rick Hampson points out in that article, today's bully is no longer the easy-to-identify "swaggering schoolyard lout, low on self-esteem, quick to lash out..." Instead he goes on to write, "Now the perpetrators are attractive, athletic, and academically accomplished-and comfortable enough around adults to know what they can and can't get away with, in school and online."

Meanwhile, in a Youth Voice Project survey of more than 2,000 fifth through twelfth graders, 22% admitted they'd been mistreated at least twice a month. Of those, 54% said they'd experienced moderate, severe, or very severe trauma.

Only 42% of these victimized kids confided in an adult at school, while 58% told someone at home.

So teach your children well to do right and speak up when witnessing injustice. Says Wired Safety executive director Parry Aftab, "Bystanders can play a significant role in bringing about change."

Start by asking your child if s/he has ever stood by as a classmate was mistreated. Here's how several middle schoolers responded to that question:

"There was a group of kids calling a boy names, and I just watched."

"I watched a kid punch a kid, and I just walked away."

"When I see kids being left out or picked on, sometimes I just watch."

"In the hall, someone got their books hit out of their hands, and I just walked by."

Bystanders all.

Therein lies the deep lesson of the Holocaust: if only good people had spoken out and acted against the perpetrators, it might never have taken place.

So keep the conversations going, teaching your child to be bold enough to stand up for what is right, instead of allowing others to be victimized. They don't have to go it alone; all they need do is confide in a trusted teacher or school administrator-and you.

To learn more, read such books as Michael Berenbaum's The World Must Know-and visit an area Holocaust museum, such as the Museum of Jewish Heritage in New York and the Holocaust Museum Houston.

Then add the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington D.C. to your to-do list. It is a life-changing experience that will keep you and your family from ever forgetting the lessons of the Holocaust and the bystanders who enabled this terrible crime against humanity.

As 18th century statesman, author, and philosopher Edumud Burke reminds us: "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

It is time for all of us to take action, hindering bullies wherever they may be lurking.

Tips on How to Get Your Child to Lower Their Voices

Parents often struggle to teach their child to lower their voices or to refrain from yelling. When a child is constantly yelling or screaming it can wreak havoc on a parent's nerves. A parent might shout at the child to stop yelling! Well, when you stop and reread that sentence it does sound kind of silly. What kind of example is that setting for the child?

When a person raises their voice, they usually do so because they do not feel like their audience understands them or is not giving them the attention they are asking for. This scenario can be compared to a child yelling at an adult when they want a specific toy. Is it possible the child does not know the name of the toy? This type of situation can be resolved by calmly educating the child about how to request a specific object. Ask them to repeat their request with their newly learned words and the proper voice tone.

If the child begins to shout because they are angry or frustrated, do not respond in the same fashion. Keep your tone calm. Do not give in to their yelling technique. This teaches them that the yelling works, and if they want something in the future they will resort to the same tactics.

Children brought up in a home where there is a lot of yelling back and forth between siblings or parents are more likely to develop the same behaviors. It may even be something as innocent as yelling for the child to come downstairs. Parents can help their children learn what an acceptable voice level is by role modeling the desired volume.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

Will My Parenting Technique Need to Change As My Child Gets Older?

Parenting is a job that constantly evolves. The basics remain the same but the children grow emotionally, physically and socially and parents often have a hard time changing gears along with their children. Parents constantly need to maintain their position in the leadership role but the style of leading may need some tweaking as the children age.

Your leadership role will still require you to set boundaries for your child. However, those boundaries may need expanding, especially when it comes to the social aspect. Children over the age of eight can help you set those boundaries. It may be a good idea to keep your evolving set of boundaries written down and stored in a place that can be easily referenced by you and the child.

Discipline will still be a major part of your parenting job, but it will probably take on a different tone. Disciplining a two year-old will require you to use short, simple words and directions. A ten year-old can handle bigger words, more direction and have the capability to remember those rules and consequences for a longer period of time. Two year-old children often need redirecting from the same dangerous or forbidden activity 20 times in a day, a ten year-old should only need occasional reminders.

Children of all ages need to feel they are accepted and loved. They need positive feedback and praise. It is imperative a child's good behaviors are acknowledged so they know what pleases you. Staying consistent in your leadership role will help set your child up for good behavior in the future. Providing an atmosphere that makes your child feel loved and safe is important during all stages of childhood development.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

What Are Some Ways to Communicate With My Child?

Learning how to talk to your child may sound silly, but often times parents are so used to conversing with other adults they may not realize they need to change their communication style. Obviously, a two-year old cannot keep up with an adult conversation let alone follow a list of instructions delivered to them in a verbal manner.

At least 90 percent of all communications are done non-verbally. How is this possible? Humans show a wide array of emotions through their facial expressions. When you are speaking with your child, you may already be able to read their faces to see what they are thinking or feeling. In most cases, the child can read your face as well. This means no matter the situation, you need to portray a calm face when you are speaking to your child. Displaying anger or frustration may hinder the child's ability to hear the words you are attempting to say.

Rate of speech, voice tone, and emphasis on key words is another method you can use to your advantage when speaking to your child. Maintaining a calm voice, even when the child has behaved badly is very helpful. Speaking slowly will ensure the child is hearing every word that you say. This also lets the child know you are not in a rush and have the time to talk with them.

Using hand gestures, body positioning and body distance are also useful tools when it comes to talking to your child. Hand gestures work great when a child may not understand the words you are speaking to them. Body positioning and distance can be used to express your seriousness about a situation or convey your support.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

5 Tips to Raising a Happy Child With Better Communication

Every resource that deals with the improvement of any relationship will all circle around one topic: Communication. Often times what they DON'T tell you is HOW to communicate effectively. In this article I will share with you 5 tips to better communication with your child. I will explain why each tip is important in improving your child's confidence that you are really interested in what they have to say. In fact, these tips, if used, are likely to impact other relationships as well.

Often times, we as parents fail in the communication department. Time constraints, life stress, and ignorance on how to communicate often create an atmosphere where our children are afraid to approach us, do not trust us to maintain our composure, or flat out do not feel that we are listening. These tips are designed to assist parents in changing these mind sets, and allowing the parents the opportunity to show their children that they really are their #1 priority.

TIP #1: It's just 3 easy words. Telling your children, "I love you" at LEAST once a day takes less than 10 seconds. Even in our busy lives, surely we can find 10 seconds for our children. It's so easy to brush off these words because in our life experience the words have been over used, distorted, and thrown around so much that we sometimes become callous to their effects. But to a child, who has not been exposed to the casual use, they are so important. Showing our children that we love them is not enough. Younger children are not as capable of picking up on the subtle cues of sacrifices made for love.

TIP #2: Eye Contact. Wow! How many times have we seen THIS pop up in effective communication articles about business? Eye contact communicates sincerity, honesty, and interest in the person and conversation. Children know this too. Be careful that your eye contact, however, is at their level. If you are talking to a younger child, sit down to see eye to eye with them. Do not try to tower over them in a posture of dominance. You will find that your children will be more forthcoming with their conversations.

TIP #3: Posture. Be sure that your posture reflects that you are open to hear what your children have to say, and are relaxed and able to handle anything they might have to tell you. Sometimes when I'm speaking to my daughter about something that she shouldn't have done, she will sit with her arms crossed, indicating shame, I will lean forward, and hold each of her hands. I want her to know that I am still open to her. That, although I might be disappointed with what she has done, I still love her. I say this with my body, as well as my vocal words. It's okay that children make mistakes, and they need to know that you will not stop loving them if they do.

TIP #4: Distractions be gone! Whenever having a conversation with your child, do your best to eliminate distractions around you. Turn off the television. Turn off the monitor to your computer. Let your child know that what they have to say is more important than anything else. You might even say, "Let me turn off the TV so I can hear you better." or "Let's go into the other room where it's more quiet, so I can give you my undivided attention."

Tip #5: Talk WITH your child. You know, it's so easy to speak at our children, instead of with them. We're so accustomed to telling children how to act, how to speak, and sometimes we're guilty of trying to tell them how to think. We need to remember that an important tool for learning these things is allowing the child to ask questions, to repeat what they've learned to you so that you can be sure they got the right message.

Using these tips can greatly enhance your ability to communicate with your child. They help to create a mind set within your child that you are their safe place. That you, who loves them, have genuine interest in who they are, what they want, and how they are feeling. By developing a strong, comfortable level of communication with your child, you will be well on your way to raising a happy child!

Where Do We Look For a Role Model?

We have become a very interesting and indulgent society. We pay huge sums of money to be entertained by individuals who are often outlandish, bizarre and sometimes rude and surly. We sometimes accept behavior in celebrities that we would never condone from those we associate with. Why is this, do you suppose? Very few of us actually know the people that fill the headlines in the newspapers or the screens at the movie theaters. We can become familiar with their work, their talents and because of the media overload we are subject to, their failings. We can become disappointed when they do not live up to the standards we have unwittingly set for them, when we feel they have let us down. For the most part, it is not us they have failed, it is themselves. We can appreciate people for their great and unique abilities without holding them up as a role model for appropriate behavior. So often, those very qualities do not seem to reside in the same bodies.

The recent scandal over Tiger Woods might be an example of this phenomenon. Yes, Tiger Woods is an amazingly gifted golfer. He also appeared to be a dedicated and devoted family man and his recent failures seemed to shake a lot of people who looked up to him. Tiger Woods might be a great model to try to emulate on the golf course but obviously not such a good one to look to for good behavior. When the Augusta National Golf Association Club chairman, Billy Payne, slammed Tiger just prior to his first outing back to the sport, for failing to be the role model for our children, he was off base. Sports heroes are typically not the best place to look at for role models. Certainly, there most be a good many people who excel at sports (or any thing for that matter) that happen to be wonderful human beings. It is that last part of the their description that bears emulation, the "wonderful" part, not so much the "excellent" part.

When you look for a role model, perhaps a better place to look would be toward those who spend their lives working for the good of others rather than themselves, to those who sacrifice on a daily basis to provide for those who count on them, to those who you know will not let you down and disappoint you. There are role models all around if we just take the time to look. With very few exceptions, you will not see their faces on the television screen or in the newspapers. Chances are pretty good they are in much closer proximity to you than you might think. Look around.

Getting Your Kids Out of Their Shell

As human beings, we sometimes form judgments based on appearance without getting to know someone. On job interviews, for example, it is very important to dress appropriately and make a good first impression.

This can happen in schools as well. Teachers try hard not to play favorites, and probably try even harder not to show it when they do have favorites, but they are human beings too. If your child is not the favorite and the teacher clearly has a favorite, this can be hard for your child.

My three daughters could not be more different. The oldest one is very shy and quiet and has always worked very hard in school. My middle child is very social and friendly and often is in the principal's office for talking. My littlest one never seems to stop talking.

If your child is not the teacher's favorite and often talks about those who are, this is alright. It's a natural phenomenon for kids to feel this way so don't be surprised to see this happen.

Talk to your child about why they feel the other child is the teacher's favorite. Maybe they noticed something in class that made them feel overlooked. Maybe they're simply assuming the worst, as it's in our nature as humans to do this sometimes. Whatever it is, talking the matter through is the best way to arrive at a formidable resolution to it all.

On the other hand, it is possible that they heard rumors from other children, which may or may not have merit. Just explain to your child that all people have different personalities, and some will mesh well with each other. Others may not, but they can still get along. There may be other years where your child is loved by the teacher, and some years where they simply don't get each other. Experience will show this over time, but in the earlier years of schooling it may not be as apparent.

Explain to your child that just because a child is telling the teacher a joke, that doesn't mean they are the favorite. It is possible that the other child is just very outgoing and the teacher would listen to any child's joke. Maybe the teacher calls on the same student frequently. This doesn't guarantee a favorite - sometimes teachers call on the child most likely to help the discussion.

If your child feels left out, encourage him or her to join in - chances are they'll be more than welcome!

How Should I Handle a Child With a Bad Temper?

An issue that concerns many parents is dealing with a child that displays a bad temper. A bad tempered child may yell, cry, throw tantrums and occasionally become violent. It is difficult for parents to cope with these behaviors, and they are often at a loss as to what to try next. A bad temper is usually the result when the child becomes frustrated over a problem they are attempting to deal with.

The most important thing a parent can remember during these bad temper moments is to remain calm. Do not give in to the gut instinct to respond to the child's antics by mimicking their behaviors. Your job as the parent is to be the role model. Demonstrate the behavior you want them to exhibit. If you give in to the yelling, you are making that behavior an acceptable form of communication in your household. Keep your cool and do not let them see how angry they are making you. Remember, your emotions can be read by your facial expressions.

In a calm demeanor, talk to the child about the situation. The bad temper flare up may have been caused by the child being told no, or simply because the child became frustrated about an activity. If you are aware of what the problem is, help give your child the direction they need to solve it. Young children may not know the words needed to communicate their wants or needs. Teach them the right words to use and have them practice their new words in front of you. Make sure they are using proper tone and body language before they are allowed to continue with their playtime.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

Finding a Preschool That Fits Your Child

When selecting a preschool for your child, you'll have several things to consider. Some of these will be based on your individual circumstances, but we all want our children to experience the best. Preschool is the first exposure to school. How they experience preschool can shape how they will anticipate school later on. The things you learn while here and the friends you make establish traits that you'll be sure to carry with you for the rest of your life. Therefore, it's important to take all best measures possible when selecting the best course of action for your children.

First you must look at your family's needs. Are you looking for a preschool to teach your child actual social skills? Do they need to teach letters and shapes? How about colors? Or do you want to do some of this at home without the supervision of your child's teachers? There's no right or wrong answer here, and it should simply come down to your individual preferences. Act based on what you think is right.

Some parents only need a preschool for certain hours in the day. Other parents both work full time and require full time day care. This will certainly impact your preschool needs.

When looking for the right preschool, make sure you have already identified what is most important to you. The chaos of visiting preschools that have lots of active children can be distracting so you may not get the most accurate picture as to what you should expect when you take the time to visit these schools during the course of a normal day.

Call ahead before visiting a preschool and request a meeting with the director. He or she can explain everything about their preschool. It is a good idea to bring a list of your most important questions to ask. You'll also want to visit with the teachers and tour the facility.

During the tour, keep your eyes open. You can learn a lot from the moods of the children who are already there. Look at what is on the bulletin boards. Write down your impressions and follow up later with any additional questions.

After you have visited all of your possible preschools, compare your notes on each and select the one that you most prefer. But the selection process isn't over yet. Now take your child back for a visit. Bring him into the classroom and introduce him to the teacher and the other children.

If your child seems comfortable, this is probably a match.

Getting Kids Active in Summer

Do you have children of different ages in your home? If so, you may wonder if there are any activities that the family can enjoy together, as different age groups tend to have different interests. But rest assured, there are activities different age groups can enjoy together.

It is not always necessary to plan different activities for different age groups. Below you will find some tips that can serve as a guide in planning activities that will include all of your children.

Crafts are fun at all ages, and can be done indoors or outdoors. Crafts are an opportunity for creativity, and while you'll need to provide general instructions, these should serve as a starting point only.

By placing very few parameters on the crafts, you'll be allowing each child to use their imagination. Not only will they be please with their own results, but they'll also take pride in having done it themselves.

Worried about your children having a sedentary summer? Engage in some physically active games, such as hide and seek. If you've been wondering how to find the time to stay physically active yourself, be sure to join them! This not only benefits you, but the kids will love the interaction!

Want to teach the older kids leadership? Let them help facilitate some of the activities for the younger kids. Not only will they feel important, they'll be developing skills in communication and planning as well.

Teaching leadership to children will help them for the rest of their life, and does not require a great deal of actual training. Just let them take a role in leading an activity - you may be surprised at how strong their leadership skills are.

You'll also want to allow time for children of different ages to do things alone or with peers. This is both appropriate and useful in developing independence. Just remember that family activities are important too!

Oppositional Defiant Treatment

Oppositional Defiant Disorder Treatment is most often a combination of behavior therapy for the child, family therapy with the parents, siblings and the problem child, and additional parental training for the adults. Another available treatment sometimes included is the often controversial prescribing of Ritalin. Ritalin is most commonly prescribed for children with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) which is sometimes intertwined with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

The idea of the behavior therapy is to reduce the frequency and severity of the problem behaviors. The worst behavior patterns would be stressed and tackled first. Often being a behavior that can hurt the child or others, or cause damage around him, it's a good idea to start with the most disruptive, destructive behavior. Good acceptable behavior is rewarded, thus a positive outcome results from appropriate behavior. The general train of thought is that this will encourage the good behavior and eventually eliminate the bad behavior entirely.

Often times, the therapist wants to work alone with the child in the beginning. The therapist may want to work with the parents and other family members alone without the problem child in the beginning. Family group sessions which include the child with the behavior problem will be added to the therapy program. It is imperative that the family and parents have time alone with the therapist so they may learn how the therapy will work and play a part in the training at home away from the professional setting.

Parents often need to correct some of their own behavior. This does not mean they are bad parents; often their behavior or reaction to the child's behavior is not the correct reaction, regardless of the best of intentions. I may actually be encouraging the difficult defiant disorder. Sometimes small changes in the parent's actions and reactions to the child or even making time for one on one time with the child can make a huge difference. Older siblings can also learn b behavior that will help to train their difficult and disruptive sibling.

Being as a difficult child is a problem for the entire family, having the entire family involved in the treatment program is rewarding for all. The common goal is to have a happier family life where everyone works together for the well being of all.

Ritalin, a mild central nervous system stimulant, is sometimes administered for Oppositional Defiant Disorder in addition to Attention Deficit Disorder. It affects chemicals in the brain and nerves that contribute to hyperactivity and impulse control.


The question of whether or not to use this drug (or other similar ones) is between the parents and their physician. The jury is still out on the long term effects of such a drugs and it should not be administered without much discussion and thought. Many parents are concerned that this artificial calming of the child may take away some of the personality and creativity of the child. Some parents are strictly against anything unnatural. Educating oneself on the subject and discussing it intensely with the physician can help one make this decision, should it be decided that it could positively help your child. A behaved child can learn more easily, and the well adjusted child in the classroom is definitely a happier child.

For the treatment of the child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the parent should ask many questions and find out as much as they can about the behavior problem. Often times, it is a phase which will be outgrown. The more information one has on the subject will enable the parents to determine if this is a behavioral disorder that requires treatment or if it is a natural phase in your child's development.

We're never too old to learn, and learning to be a better parent is not something to shy from. Experts have lots of experience with various personality types and behavior disorders and it is wise to take their advice. Just imagine, your youngster's behavior problems may be a blessing in disguise. The entire family may learn simple ways to work together better and have a happier home life.