Well, it's a hoax. Look closely at the three illustrations in the story - the porridge, the chair and the bed. What is common to all three? The author wants us to believe that there's a 'Just Right'.
Ha, ha, ha! From my experience, I'm here to tell you that it just ain't so, especially when it comes to child discipline.
Spare the Rod. Come On, You Know the Rest.
I'm old school when it comes to disciplining my girls. However, being a step-dad in 2010 I realize that corporal punishment (eg. takin' 'em out to the woodshed) simply isn't an option any more, as tempting as that may be sometimes. Today, every kid knows their 'rights'. Children's Aid, and my impending incarceration, is only a phone call away.
Now that I think about it, it's hard for me to accept how a full grown adult could possibly have the heart to physically whale on a little kid, no matter how provoked, even though I survived the era where 'spare the rod...' was the rule of the day. Nowadays, I find that a firm grasp by the two shoulders along with a stern stare into the tiny terror's eyes, accompanied by a good shake or two usually gets my desired effect in very short order.
Barking, snapping and snarling also seems to get things moving when the little cherubs bog down, as they often do. My girls can easily go off into their own little fantasy world, especially when they have a schedule to follow or need to be someplace by a certain time. Keeping calm and composed while repeating the same instructions over and over, day after day is really out of my realm of possibility. I find it far more expedient to SHOUT IT OUT!
While the girls do move faster and seem to 'respect' me a bit more than they do their mom, these results come at a cost. The tense atmosphere created by all that shaking and barking takes its toll on the overall harmony of the home. The negative impact on everyone's well-being is HUGE! In the long run, bitterness and resentment can only build.
Yes, I'm the Papa Bear. You well may deem my methods to be TOO MUCH!
You Can Catch More Flies With Honey. True enough. But who wants more flies?
Maggie's approach to child discipline is quite different than mine. Oh, sure you'll hear her barking too from time to time. Our girls are no different than any other kids... they can really push your buttons hard. As much as I like to think that Maggie is my angel sent from above, the girls help to prove that she's only human.
Maggie's and my discipline styles differ like night and day:
- Where she's the carrot, I'm the stick.
- Where she rivets on rewards, I plan and provide punishment.
- Where she goes after the good in each girl, I expect to catch them doing something wrong.
Maggie tends to see everything as a teaching opportunity. With her counseling courses behind her, she skillfully crafts questions to get the girls to think and act more responsibly.
Talk is cheap though. Our girls are still normal kids, which means that they can tune in and out anytime. In fact, they tend to get a little too lax under Maggie's regime. Happy, unafraid and carefree doesn't always translate into focused, self-disciplined and responsible.
As you already know, Mama Bear's methods could be construed as TOO LITTLE!
Don't Mess With Mr. In Between. I Can't Believe I'm Quoting this Ancient Song!
OK, now you know how old I am when I start referencing songs from 1944 (Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive). Nonetheless, that song is chock full of wisdom. It's absolutely true, you don't want to mess with Mr. In Between. Here's what I mean.
In our attempt to find that elusive, mythical 'Just Right', Maggie and I have tried just about everything in the book. First, because we saw merits in each other's approach, we endeavored to become more like each other. But you know what happens when you do that? You become less like yourself.
Another time we sampled being on the same page; I would bark, and Maggie would back me up with more barking of her own. Oh, the girls moved alright, but the stress and strain became unbearable.
Alternatively, I would join Maggie in discussion (OK, lecture) mode. We'd talk in what we considered to be calm and rational while the kids dreamily tuned us out. The house was not only relaxed and peaceful... it was comatose. Nothing got done!
There's No Such Thing As Just Right. Apologies to Kelloggs Cereals!
Ultimately, we concluded that there was no 'Just Right'. People and circumstances change constantly. What worked yesterday may be totally inappropriate or altogether ineffective today. The analogy of a missile being off course 95% percent of the time is very similar to guiding our own lives.
So sometimes - but not all the time - it's OK to shake and bark. Too much here and you'll embitter the child.
Other times - but not all the time - it's OK to discuss rationally. Too much here and you'll spoil the child.
Without one to balance the other, it's almost assured that you'll be hopelessly lost, reminiscent of Goldilocks, who upon seeing the three bears, screamed 'Help!' and ran into the forest, never to return again.
These days I'm still me - I bark and I shake, albeit more sparingly in carefully selected spots. It's often referred to in parenting articles as, 'Picking Your Battles'. Kids adapt very quickly and they can eventually desensitize themselves to even the most negative surroundings.
And Maggie is still Maggie. The difference now is that she is more vigilant to see that the girls are actually listening and hearing what she says.
It's the constant course correction that keeps our family together and on target. Being ourselves; staying on track; what can be better than that? You gotta Love That Feeling!
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