Of course, parenting is full of questions, some you ask yourself, some others ask of you, and those that your son and/or daughter expect you to have the definitive answers to. I'm going to take you on a short trip to have a peek at how I bring up my three children. We've got to the age of seven and a half, and although I don't by any means have all the answers, those areas that my beautiful children have enlightened me in leave me feeling like a semi guru on parenting in the early days. Follow me.....
WHEN YOUR TWO YEAR OLD WONT EAT.
OK, firstly, nearly all children will at some point in their childhood be picky about what passes their lips. Some will go in phases as to what they will and will not eat. Most children have certain 'NO WAY' foods too. But what to do when your youngster just plain wont eat? As a mum, you naturally want to do the best for your children at all times, this encompasses their sleep patterns, their learning, their diet. It can be very stressful when one's daughter sits and shakes her head at every meal put in front of her. I first experienced this when my newly weaned first daughter suddenly WOULD NOT open her mouth to eat. Both she and I would end up in tears, I feeling like I was failing as a mum, and she upset and exhausted. We over came this after not too long at all (though it didn't feel like it at the time). Put simply, I needed to back off and stop pressuring her, with gentle persuasion and a lot of patience, slowly she began to try little bits of meals, at just 5 months old I needed to learn to read her moods and get to know her personality. I was a new mum and it was difficult to be relaxed about such things.
Second time round, with my now middle child, weaning went smoothly. Then, without warning she became awkward with her food. She was two years old (not uncommon for a two year old to be 'terrible', I know), suddenly, although she was progressing in every other way, the only food she would eat willingly was cake. Can't blame the girl can you? But to me this was worrying, often accompanied by an upset tummy and pale skin, I worried she may have some medical issues. Of course I got her checked out by a doctor, tests were carried out and all came back clear. In the meantime I tried cajoling, rewarding, being strict, removing toys, anything to get her to have some sort of balance to her diet. But no, cakes and biscuits were the only things she could consume without getting upset. So, in the end I let her, hard though it was I let her have the sweet stuff. All my instincts told me otherwise but, as it turned out it was a phase. In hindsight, her problem with food was probably triggered by my separation from her dad which resulted in me and my children moving house. I didn't make the connection at the time because in every other way she was fine. Again, once I had ruled out the possibility of illness, all it took was patience. Patience and understanding.
WHEN SIBLINGS ARGUE.
Not an uncommon occurrence, not something that one should be overly concerned about, in fact a perfectly normal part of growing up. And yet, when it's your two shouting, crying, generally making a racket it can seem like such a huge deal. In our house we have some unwritten rules about such events, probably without either my husband or I being aware that they exist. For example; you're in the kitchen and you hear a ruckus coming from the front room, where your two 'little darlings' were peacefully watching TV just moments ago
1. Sneak up. (Sounds awful, I know, but this way you may get to see for yourself who's hurting/ annoying/ being mean to who).
2. Get down to their level. Talk calmly but with authority, ask what's happened, allow each child to speak separately.
3. Be tactile. Putting a hand on both children's arms shows that you're not taking sides.
4. Listen to both sides. Then console, scold of necessary, but explain why you are doing so.
5. Apologies. Get both children to say sorry and maybe hug to make up.
6. Distraction. Suggest a new game, or task that they can both be involved in.
7. Stay close. For a few minutes after the altercation remain in the room if possible so that they both know you're 'on duty'.
Probably the key to minimising arguments and sibling rivalry is to lead by example; be thoughtful, empathetic and be available. If, as a parent, you're there to listen, guide and discipline your offspring then they will respect you, and the other members of their family. Respect breeds consideration.
WHEN YOUR 7 YEAR OLD ASKS ABOUT CHILDBIRTH.
Over breakfast one school morning my daughter pipes up " mummy, I know that babies don't come out of your belly button.... does that mean they come out of 'your bits'?" Bless her, the workings of a child's mind are fascinating. Why on earth would she be thinking about childbirth whilst eating cereal and getting ready for school? But there it was. Keenly, she waited for my reply whilst chewing her cornflakes. Although slightly flustered, I knew that I needed to be honest. So I kept it simple "Yes darling, when a baby is born it comes out of 'your bits'". Next question "How does a baby know when to come out?". Ermmm...my little girl had her thinking head on today!..."When a baby has grown as big as it needs to be the mummy's body knows it's time for it to come out". Was that it, could I return to the washing up and she go and brush her teeth? No, she had another one for me, "does it hurt?", I didn't want to scare her but as her mum it is my job to be honest, "yes, it does....but it's worth it". "Eeek, then I'm never having any!". Hehe, conversation over, on with shoes and coats and off to school. And, if I say so myself, I think I handled that quite well, phew! So there it is, in my opinion, simple and honest answers are always best, don't give more information than they've asked for and don't be worried about being truthful, that's how your child will learn about the world around them.
Next time;
-When your 5 year old is naughty at school.
-When your baby wont settle at night.
-When your daughter is being bullied.
And many more 'tricks of the trade'. Come back soon to get a peek at how I am mummy, and still (fairly) sane!
(C) Copyright Jema Preece-Kelly April 2010
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