Parenting is Not a Pane of Glass

No matter how hard we try, sometimes we mess up as parents. Sometimes the blame needs to be put on our own words or actions, or even on our lack of action, but no matter how hard we try to avoid it, the fault will be ours from time to time. Right now, every reader is saying to themselves, "I hope so-and-so is reading this." I know you are. We want others to accept responsibility when they are wrong, but we are slow to do it ourselves, particularly when it involves how we parent our children.

As parents, we painstakingly teach our children this lesson because their natural tendency is to blame someone else, retaliate, ignore the problem, lie about it, or pretend it never happened. We spend many, many hours of parental instruction on teaching children not to lie and to admit their responsibility in a problem situation, but often as parents we revert back to the retaliation-blame-game ourselves. No one likes to be at fault, so we fight back even if we have been in the wrong.

Doing this creates tension for everyone around and leads to a chasm in parent-child relationships. When a parent refuses to acknowledge their role in a problem situation, or their contributing part of the crisis, then the circumstances cannot be settled, leaving an elephant in the room at best, or an emotional end to the relationship at worst. Parents like to present an image of infallibility to their children, and certainly children want to know that their parents are wise and knowledgeable, but our kids will learn valuable lessons in life as well when parents are willing to say "I messed up here. Please forgive me."

It isn't easy, and it isn't always comfortable, but even as parents we need to remember the healing power of when a child admits their mistakes to us and we can then move on. The same is true for parents. We desire this kind of honesty from our children, so we should model it for them as parents. Depending upon the age of the child, this may take different forms or even degrees of sharing, but it is important for our children to see that even parents are willing to admit that on occasion, they have to seek forgiveness and restitution as well.

Perfection is a hard image to maintain. It takes incredible energy and illusion, and like a pane of glass, will eventually become chipped or cracked. Reality is not about perfection, and neither is parenting. Be honest with your children. Be teachers of the values that you want them to exhibit, by exhibiting these traits yourself and modeling them as parents.