Teenage Bedwetting

A teenage topic that is rarely discussed openly is that of bedwetting or nocturnal enuresis. There are teens who still wet their beds and parents who worry about this with good reason, however, there is little discussion about this topic. Why is this? Likely because there is a degree of shame associated with this topic which makes people uncomfortable discussing it or asking questions about it. Teenagers often try to hide their soiled sheets or pretend that there is not an issue, making it difficult for parents to address. Despite this, it is important that this issue is addressed as it could be a serious matter. Below are some things to consider and steps you may want to take to address this issue.

1. Get medical attention. It is always the best first step to have your child seen by a doctor who can assess if there is a legitimate medical reason why your child is wetting the bed. If there is, then they can review the treatment options with you which will hopefully cease the bed wetting. You should ask that they do a urine analysis to rule out diabetes, infection or other such medical conditions. If there is not a medical condition causing the bedwetting then there are other things to consider.

2. Assess for any trauma. A common symptom of trauma (being physically or sexually abused or even just witnessing something bad such as domestic violence) is bed wetting. Often times when children have experienced a traumatic event or significant stress, particularly sexual abuse, bedwetting occurs. If you have any suspicion that your child has been the victim of trauma you should seek professional help as soon as possible from a licensed therapist. This therapist can offer support to both yourself and your child and help your child heal from their trauma.

3. Genetics. If a teen's parents had issues with bedwetting, it is much more likely that they will have problems with bedwetting. This could be due to a small bladder, not producing the hormones that tell your kidneys to slow down at night or due to being an extremely deep sleeper.

If your teen is wetting the bed, it is important to get them motivated to change their behavior. Some suggestions for this are:

1. The first thing is to make sure that they are 100% responsible for changing and washing their sheets and putting new ones on their bed each time they have an accident. As the parent, this should not be your role and because they will not want to have to do this, it may increase their motivation to make some changes.

2. The second thing you can do is restrict any beverages after a certain time in the evening so that they are less likely to have to go to the bathroom during their sleeping hours.

3. A third thing you can do is set an alarm in the middle of the night that wakes them up to let them know that they have to use the bathroom, even if they do not feel like they have to go at that time.

4. Finally, have them start using a bed wetting alarm. These alarms are a form of behavioral conditioning and are placed inside an individual's underwear where you would expect the first drop of urine to be if they start wetting themselves at night. When the alarm senses wetness, it makes a sound and usually also has a tactile sensation which wakes the individual up. Over time, individuals learn to recognize the sensation of when their bladder is full before the alarm goes off.

As is stated above, bedwetting is a situation which is typically not openly discussed but which can be very problematic for teens and parents. Seeking medical evaluation and advice should always be the first intervention if you have concerns that your teenager is wetting the bed.

I Feel Like My Teenagers Friend Instead of Their Parent

Over the years, I have heard from parents the phrase, "I want my teenager to feel comfortable coming to me with anything". This is great and important so that teens feel comfortable talking to their parents if they are ever in trouble or in need of advice. I do not see this as a problem at all and it certainly benefits teenagers to have the option to go to their parents with anything that may be on their mind.

Where I have seen problems is when parents do a role reversal and begin sharing too much information about themselves or their problems with their teenagers. Setting up this dynamic can be very confusing for teenagers who, even if they will never tell you, want to see their parents in an adult / protective role. When parents share too much about their own struggles, stress, love life, relationship difficulties or work problems, teens become confused about what their role is. I have seen teens try to fix their parents problems, try to "take care of business" for their parents and step into a caretaker role with their parents which is unhealthy for both teenagers and their parents. Teenagers are still growing emotionally and are not able to take on the problems of those who are supposed to be their caretakers. When parents are experiencing stress in their lives, it is important that they seek out support from other adults, a life coach or a therapist. This stress should not be placed on teenagers.

A dynamic where parents lean on their teenagers for support is more likely to occur in single parent households or in households where the marriage is not going well. In such situations, a parent does not have the other parent as a support system and therefore they will sometimes turn to their children for this purpose. It may appear as though teens can manage this and that they are not impacted by it, however, they likely are and the effects of this burden can play out immediately or in the future.

If you have already created this dynamic with your teenager, it is best to recognize it and take steps to change it. Below are some suggestions for recognizing, avoiding and changing such a situation.

1. Think about what you are talking to your teenager about. Are you talking a lot about yourself? Are you sharing information that could be upsetting to your teen or cause them to worry about you? Sometimes this happens when parents are in an emotional state. If you find yourself doing this, it may be helpful to separate yourself from your teenager, go to a place where you can relax and get your emotions in check or call an adult who you can lean on for support.

2. Use other adults in your life for support. Who are the adult family members or friends you can speak with about your problems? If you do not have any, it is important that you work to build your network of adult support. You may want to join a social organization in your community, get support from a religious organization, reach out to family or friends, confide in a coworker if appropriate or get the professional support of a life coach or therapist.

3. Think about why you are sharing information with your teen. Sometimes parents share things with their teenagers so that their teens can learn from their mistakes. While this can be effective, it is important to make sure that parents sharing information about their past mistakes is done thoughtfully. Before doing this ask yourself, "What is my purpose in sharing this information? How will this sharing of information benefit my teenager? Will sharing this information with my teenager place a burden on them or cause them to view me negatively?" Answering these questions honestly may help you determine if the information you are thinking of sharing is going to be helpful or hurtful to your teenager.

Remember that while your teenager needs to see you as a human being, they also need to see you as a support to them who is strong and who can help them with their problems. Teens need to view their parents as caretakers and not as best friends or people who need to be taken care of by their children.