Baby Challenge

Suggestions For Parenting Children with Aggression - The Nature of Discipline and Child Aggression

2011-02-03T02:31:00.000-08:00

Parenting children of aggression and learning how to bring a positive influence in order to change a persons' behavior are both huge challenges. Even when an aggressive child wants to change. If it is in the nature of the child to be more aggressive, (which is not automatically a bad thing) it poses a high level of difficulty. Think about how hard it is for you to change some of your bad habits.

In the beginning it is often recommended that you take baby steps. Creating small goals and then moving forward from there. Smaller goals are easier to achieve and will build confidence. Like anything in life that is worth it, it will take some hard work and you will need to invest a fair amount of time. Rome was not built in a day. The important thing to keep in mind is; Rome was built.

The Importance of Positive Encouragement

Praise is much more motivating than punishment. When people hear the word discipline the first thing that tends to come to mind is being punished. This is mainly because in the past that was how most people dealt with aggressive kids. Even when children misbehaved out of simple misunderstood learning experiences. The motto back when we were growing up was; punish them first then figure out what happened.

If your parenting children of aggression then the nature of discipline will need a more in-depth understanding as well as a more definitive look. Discipline comes from the word disciple. This word defines as the ability to guide or give guidance. This is a much better understanding than that of punishment, which was how we learned about discipline.

Today we are smarter and we understand that to get better results, as well as building a real relationship, we need to use constructive methods. This is an improvement. One that was not made overnight. Similarly, the way we are able to change our behavior will work with changing the aggressive behavior of our children. Though these goals will take some time, they are more than worth it.

Just like when you are learning something new, you begin by taking small steps and keeping small goals. By keeping goals small and easily attainable you increase your child's success and your opportunities to give praise. The power of praise is many cases truly amazing. Often even unbelievable. The same goes for the results it brings. Your child lives for your approval and attention. You should take any opportunity you can to offer your child positive feedback.

One suggestion is to focus some of your praise unevenly. Surprise your child by giving praise even when they fail. Their efforts should count for something and when you do this right your child will bend over backwards to impress you. If you show your children unconditional acceptance and demonstrate confidence in their abilities, their self esteem will skyrocket. They will ultimately channel their aggressive energies towards accomplishing positive goals.

All children can learn to change. Though some will take longer than others your positive encouragement will mean more to them than you could ever imagine. Once children see that they are able to change through your guidance in accomplishing smaller goals, they will have more confidence to carry on. Parenting children of aggression will eventually pay off big time in the long run.

Turning Off the Television

2011-01-31T20:11:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up, there was no such thing as television during dinner time. In fact, something such as eating dinner with my family while having a television on would have been an absurd suggestion. Instead, we would always eat dinner as a family while sitting at our dining room table between the hours of 5:30 p.m. And 6:30 p.m. While my family was one of many that did this back in the 1980s and 1990s, there are many families today who barely even know what a dining room table is!

It is a sad fact that now, as soon as the food is prepared, family members or even spouses take their plates and run as if they are magnetically drawn towards the televisions in their household. And with this comes the realization that perhaps there is a breakdown in the family structure that has occurred and is only getting worse as time goes on. You see, years ago, it was common to have only one member or parent of a household who would go to work full time while the other stayed home with the children. In many households, the parent that often stayed home happened to be the mother. However, as time went on, we began to see a radical shift in this way of living. I remember that by the time my younger brother and I were in high school, my mother had switched from staying at home with us to working full time in an effort to bring a little more income into the household. Still, all the way through high school, up until I went away to college, dinner was a family event.

Dinner was a time where my dad would get home from a long day at the office, my brother and I would get home from school and we could all sit down as a family and talk about how our days went. Often, the conversation would focus on my brother and I and how school was as well as what exciting things were going on with any extracurricular activities that we were involved in at the time. My mother and father would also chat about whatever it was that adults talked about back then. Then, afterward, either my brother or I would have dish washing duty or other miscellaneous chores to do before we could relax and do whatever it was we wanted. In essence, there was a certain kind of structure that was in place.

Now, with many households that have both parents working full time while the children are still young, there is no one to really be there for their son or daughter when they get home from school. Dinner has been elasticized to include any form of eating that takes place within your home sometime in the evening either with or without your parent(s) being present. I can remember that some of my friends would actually ask to come over to my house because they liked having a home-made meal at a dinner table versus eating fast food or going out to eat all the time. Today, it really makes me wonder what this lack of structure will do to children who are growing up in terms of the eating habits that they will develop. I guess that only time will tell.

What Can I Do to Teach Good Behaviors to My 4 Year Old?

2011-01-30T13:50:00.000-08:00

Four year old children are at an age where they are really starting to spread their wings. A typical four year is learning how to use their imagination and may get a little confused at times between reality and fiction. They are normally very active and willing to try anything that pops into their heads. Parents may feel strained after trying to keep their child safe, especially if the child will not listen to the parents' directions.

In most situations, rules are devised to help keep the child safe. A four year old child has a fairly short memory still and may forget the rules on a day to day basis. This leads to the parent becoming frustrated because they feel like they are constantly repeating themselves. Although you might be doing just that, step back and look at the situation. Remember, your child is not trying to get you angry or frustrated. They are still too young to practice the art of thinking before acting.

Instead of telling the child, they cannot do a certain activity, have you tried telling them what they can do? This kind of direction helps eliminate the grey area in your rules. When they do violate one of your rules, what is your response? Are you angry, frustrated, or exasperated?

The child will read these emotions on your face and may not fully hear what you are trying to say. Instead, try remaining calm, use gestures or physically show the child what you are saying. Once you have explained to them, in words they understand, have them repeat if back to you. It is important the rules are consistently enforced.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

My Teenager Does Not Listen to Me Unless I Yell

2011-01-28T07:30:00.000-08:00

For many parents, yelling feels like the only way they can communicate with their teenagers. While it is true that it can feel like this at times, yelling is generally not an effective means of communication. Think for a moment about when someone is yelling at you. Are you really respecting and listening to what they are saying? Typically when someone is being yelled at, they are thinking of their own argument back or are just getting increasingly angry themselves which makes for even a less productive process. It is usually true that when people are yelling that they are acting out of strong emotions and therefore do not make their points or arguments as clearly or effectively as they would if they were not yelling. In addition, if you are always yelling at your teenager, they will likely learn this behavior / communication style and bring it with them to future relationships.

The challenge for parents is in how to communicate calmly and be heard when it feels like your teenager will never listen. Below are some suggestions for how to remain calm when interacting with your teenager.

1. Take a deep breath. While this may sound ineffective, it is proven to calm people down. Taking in a deep breath allows people to pause and think in addition to physiologically calming the body down.

2. Think about what you want to say ahead of time. If you are preparing to talk with your teen about a difficult subject or you are preparing to address a problem with them, prepare for it as you would any other difficult meeting. Think about the points you really want to make so that it is as effective of a conversation as it can be.

3. Take a break if needed. If things become escalated or you notice you start to yell it is okay to take a break. It is perfectly acceptable to say to your teen, "this conversation is really important to me and I don't want to yell so let's take a 10 minute break and come back to it". Then go get a glass of water, take some deep breaths, get some fresh air and return to the conversation when you feel calmer.

4. Give yourself a break. There will be times when you lose your cool - it is inevitable because it is a human reaction to become emotional or to get upset at times. If this happens, notice it and then try to calm yourself so that you no longer feel the need to yell.

5. Get outside support. If you notice that you are yelling more often than not at your teen as well as at others in your life or you notice that you are often feeling very stressed out or angry, you may want to get some professional support to help you feel better. Often times, seeking professional counseling or coaching can help individuals feel calmer and have happier, more fulfilling relationships in their lives.

Great Advice is Always the Hardest to Follow - Parenting Children With Behavioral Emotional Disorder

2011-01-26T01:09:00.000-08:00

The single greatest piece of advice that was given to me was the old popular phrase "Things are never what they seem." However this next great piece of advice, the one that is "so hard to follow," is related to that in many ways and is covered by the very same principle. The advice I am concerned with here is: Do not take it all so personally. Especially when parenting children with behavioral emotional-disorders, or even just parenting in general. You benefit beyond belief if you follow through with this one.

Regardless of the benefits, it is simply one of the hardest things to do as a parent. It really does help us to become better parents though. As well as better people overall. It is also one of those things that never gets any easier. Well, it does get easier once you begin to reap the rewards but it still requires a constant effort on your part.

I struggle with those many instances in life where you are not supposed to take things personal. It took a while and was not easy but if I can change; Then you can definitely change too. The thing about parenting that makes it so hard is that it means so much to you. And it should its supposed to. It is a good thing but also it can be a bad thing too.

The principle that you should not take things personal when your children misbehave is also shared by doctors and many other professionals. The best surgeon in the world would not, Should Not operate on his own son or daughter. There is too much emotional involvement. The more it means the harder it is to not take things personal.

This is not easy. Try to see that things from an objective point of view. This is all about your child. Try to step outside of yourself. Seeing yourself as if you were someone else can help. You need to understand that the times you think that your child is misbehaving on purpose just to spite you, it is simply not the case.

Things are never what they seem. Especially when it comes to a determination about about whether or not your child has a behavioral-emotional disorder. This is becoming more and more common and has nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, A higher intellect tends to be related to certain psychological and emotional sensitivities.

If you could step outside of yourself things will be a lot more clear. Remember that almost every single parent goes through that moment when they hear those dreadful words "I hate you," from their very own loving child. No matter how you slice it, even though they do not mean it, it still hurts.

Parenting children with emotional-behavioral disorders is a very unique challenge. These diagnosis are still pretty new given the scope of the history of psychology and human nature. The fact is you may have been diagnosed with behavioral emotional disorder yourself when you were growing up had the academic pillars and psychological communities gotten that far back then.

The one thing that needs to be stressed is that when your child is making mistakes and behavioral issues are popping up, the problem is all about them. They are not deliberately trying to make trouble for you. No, not at all. Many parents make the classic mistake of thinking (and acting) as well as believing that their child's mistakes will reflect badly on them.

Children with emotional behavioral disorders have extra intense feelings that are very hard to control. As children who are just starting out in life they have not yet formulated an understanding of how to filter and control their emotions in a positive manner. They will end up going through a lot in life and are going to need some seriously strong parents.

If your parenting children with emotional behavioral disorders then you are going to need very thick skin. As well as a lot of patience and understanding. As the title suggests, it is not going to be easy. But the best quality in regards to parenting children of this nature is being able to look past the personal attacks and trying to see what is going on underneath.

Home Matters - A Teaching Method That Affects How Children Learn

2011-01-23T18:49:00.000-08:00

I was raised in a family of fourteen people in a home with only one bathroom. Needless to say, scheduling bath time in my home was more than a simple task. When I was seven years old I learned the only way to get sufficient bath time was to awaken before my siblings. My mother gave me an old wind-up clock so I could wake-up early.

The first morning I used the alarm I woke at five-thirty, traipsed downstairs as quietly as possible, and took my bath. While I bathed I heard Dad stirring in my parents bedroom which was adjacent to the bathroom. After I completed my bath I started back up stairs when I heard a buzzing in the basement.

I snuck to the basement landing and looked around the corner of the stairs. My mother was bent over our dryer pulling clothes out and setting them on a table. She was singing. Without turning around she said, "What are you doing?"

"I heard buzzing," I replied. "What are you doing?"

"Washing clothes," she replied.

"This early?"

"Four days a week," she replied.

Mom explained that she woke at four o'clock every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday to wash clothes. She explained it was necessary to keep us in clean clothes.

"Dad's up too," I said.

"I know. He does paperwork while I do laundry. It's the only time the house is quiet enough to concentrate."

"Why were you singing?" I asked.

"I might as well enjoy my work as not."

Mom still used an old wringer washer, but she was absolutely thrilled that she and Dad had scraped enough pennies together to get a clothes dryer. She wouldn't have to hang clothes outside during winter anymore.

That dryer wasn't vented to the outside like dryers today. It was vented to the front of the dryer, and the lint trap had to be cleaned every load.

"Can I help?" I asked.

"Sure."

Mom started another load in the dryer and placed a large towel on the basement floor in front of the dryer. "Why don't you lay down and catch a nap until we're ready for another load."

The air from the dryer was warm and comfortable. I slept until the dryer buzzed. I was thrilled when Mom taught me to clean the lint trap and to place the dry clothes on a folding table. She made me feel useful. I remember how she complemented me on a job well done. (Although I remember dropping most of the clothes before I got them on the table.)

When my older sisters woke at six o'clock they took their baths and then helped Mom carry the folded clothes upstairs. (That was a ritual that I hadn't noticed until that morning.)

The next morning I set the alarm at four o'clock. I hurried through my bath and rushed to the basement to help Mom. Mom placed a towel on the floor. I slept until the dryer buzzed, then cleaned the lint filter, and stacked clothes on the table. I slept between loads while Mom sang, folded clothes, and washed another load. That was a routine we kept every wash day for several years.

I look back on those days with fond memories. My parents taught my siblings and I that work wasn't a hardship. Sometimes when I'm working I'll catch myself singing a song I learned in that old basement and smile.

How did my parents teach their children? They taught by example.

How Should Parents Talk to Their Children?

2011-01-22T12:28:00.000-08:00

Some parents may be a little confused on how they should be talking with their children. Do you talk to them the same way you talk to other adults? Should you use baby talk? Children learn their vocabularies from their parents. It is your job to teach them how to communicate, verbally and non-verbally.

Young children under the age of five, typically have a limited vocabulary. When you are giving them directions, it is important to use words they know. Using big words will only lead to confusion and frustration. It is helpful if the parent uses hand gestures or physically demonstrates an action to the child. Speak slowly and use a tone that is conversational. Yelling will immediately cause the child to go on the defensive and your message will most likely not be heard.

When you are talking to your child, make eye contact. This actually helps you to read their expressions. Look at their facial expressions to see if they look confused, angry, happy or frustrated. The child may not know how to tell you that what you said to them frustrates them. Their reaction may be to throw a tantrum instead of trying to find the words needed to express their emotions.

It is also important to use your voice in a way that expresses what you really want to happen. Fluctuate your voice tone to emphasize key words in your sentences. This tells the listener that this particular word is important, and they should pay attention. Use pauses to allow the child to process what you just told them before you continue. Children will pick up on these techniques and be able to use them in future conversations.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

5 Red Flags to Look Out For in Teens

2011-01-20T06:08:00.000-08:00

Being the parent of a teenager can be a very difficult task. Teenagers are known for their lack of respect of authority, unruliness, mood swings and the list goes on. Parents never know how involved they should be in their children's life in this complex time. Teenagers think they know it all and want to start tackling life on their own, while parents want to protect their children from potential grief and dangers; it's a very complicated time in any parent's life. There are tell tale signs that something is definitely wrong with your teenager that you should look out for, and here are some of them:

- Changes in Performance at School: Any sudden or drastic change in your teen's school work should raise alarm bells. A drop in performance could be a sign of drug or alcohol abuse, or it could be an indication of depression.

- Avoiding School: If your teen seems to be frequently coming up with excuses to avoid going to school, something isn't right. Try to establish communication with your child's teachers and compare notes on any behavioral changes you may have noticed. Your child may be the victim of school bullying or worse, don't ignore the situation hoping it will fix itself.

- Dropping Out of Activities: Hobbies and extracurricular activities are a vital part of developing social skills in teens, and if your child suddenly stops participating in hobbies and activities they used to enjoy, this could be a sign something is drastically wrong.

- Changes in Sleep Patterns: Sleep is crucial for everyone, especially teens because sleep allows the body and mind to recuperate and rejuvenate. If your teenager's sleep patterns are erratic or seem abnormal, it's time to rule out potential drug abuse problems or psychological disorders such as depression.

- Sudden Changes in Peer Group: "Birds of a feather flock together" rings true. If your teenager has had high-achieving friends at school and then suddenly starts avoiding them and begins hanging out with less savory individuals, this could mean he's doing things his old friends didn't approve of and is usually a sign of trouble.

Coping with teenagers and doing the right thing can be very frustrating at times, but if you remain alert and watch out for signs of potential problems and always try to maintain open lines of communication with your child, you should be able to get through this trying time successfully.

Avoiding the Chaos Surrounding Your Child's First Day of School

2011-01-17T23:47:00.000-08:00

There is no doubt that a child dreads that first day of school, whether it's their first time going or just the next year for them. For some parents, it may seem like a blessing - you get some time back after all - but deep inside you feel the chaos that is about to occur.

Rushing around in the morning, trying to get your children off to school, barely awake yet - it's the same for nearly every household. Mistakes are bound to happen. To help you sort things out and make that first day of school easier, here are a few tips to consider.

First off, you should always pack your child's backpack the day before. Ensure you have all of your child's school supplies: pencils, crayons, markers, scissors, etc. If you think you might forget something, make a checklist first, then check it off as you pack.

Leave the backpack full of supplies right beside the door you'll go out of tomorrow morning. This will ensure you'll remember to grab them.

Another great idea is to pack your child's lunch the night before, just make sure you don't leave it out. Put it in the fridge to maintain its freshness, and prevent mice from invading your home.

If you're worried about forgetting your child's lunch, just put a simple note on his or her backpack. You're bound to remember this way.

Lastly, remember that kids are kids, and sometimes you're going to have trouble getting them up in the morning. To save time and frustration, allow your child to pick out the clothes he or she will wear the night before school. This will prevent fussing, and you will be able to get your children off to school quick and easy.

My Child Will Not Go to Bed When I Ask Him To

2011-01-15T17:27:00.000-08:00

Getting your child to bed at a time that you have designated can be a difficult task that parents often dread. The bedtime struggle is nothing new and nearly all parents deal with it at some point. It does not have to be so bad. Parents can implement a few strategies that are designed to get the child into bed when you tell them to.

Instead of asking the child to go to bed, the child needs to be told it is time for bed. Before the child is told to go to bed, they should be forewarned. Giving a ten minute warning will help transition the child into the bedtime mode. Let the child know that once their show is over, it is time for bed.

Once the bedtime hour rolls around, the child should be directed to go to bed. It is not always quite that simple in the beginning, but it gets better with a little practice. If the child wants to read a story before bed, that is great. However, limit it to one or two books that do not take more than fifteen minutes to read. It is also a good idea to have the child use the bathroom and get a small drink before crawling into bed. This will help eliminate the "I'm thirsty" excuses that are common bedtime avoidance techniques.

When the child does get out of bed, calmly walk them back to their bed. In some cases, they may need to be carried. You do not need to say anything during these trips, simply place them back in their bed. Do not give in to any of their begging or bargaining methods.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

Teaching Your Kids How to Write Legibly

2011-01-14T11:06:00.000-08:00

It is not nice when you see that your child's handwriting is not legible, especially if is because they have rushed to finish it. We tend to use handwriting more than we think during the course of our day, so it is imperative that it can be read. There is nothing worse than a teacher not being able to read your child's handwriting properly, and because of this he down grades their marks at school.

We get taught two different types of writing throughout our school lives. There is print writing, and then there is cursive writing as we get older.

It is irrelevant which type of writing your child is doing at the time if the writing is unreadable. We should really try to find out what is causing the handwriting to be so bad in the first place. We can only try to cure this problem if we really understand where the fault lies. Are they having trouble with certain letters or is there something else causing this?

If there is a problem with the writing of certain letters, why not put aside about 15 minutes per day after school to help your child to practice writing these letters out in a notebook? You could make this a little like homework for them; try to instil some pride in their writing.

Maybe the problem is in the way that they are holding their pen or pencil? It may be causing them to feel uncomfortable when they write; this in turn could make them rush their writing. Make sure that the pen is gripped with the forefinger and thumb, and with the middle finger supporting the pen.

Teach them to write the letters of the alphabet correctly. You can find some notebooks that have these letters on the cover to show them the correct way that they should be written.

It is never too early or too late to teach your kids to write properly. Their success not only at school, but also in later life, could depend on them being able to write clearly and neatly.

Is it Too Late to Change My Parenting Style?

2011-01-12T04:46:00.000-08:00

If you are hoping to change some habits and bad behaviors your child has developed over the first few years of their lives, you are in luck. There is a way to modify your parenting methods that can lead to good behaviors. These techniques may not produce overnight results, but it is possible to see some change in just a matter of weeks.

The first step in changing your child's behavior begins with you. Yes, the parent is directly responsible for leading their child. This is not to say you have done a poor job up to this point, but there is always room for improvement. If you are serious about changing your child's bad behavior patterns you must model the good behavior you are asking for.

Along with being the role model, your job is to teach your child the good behaviors you want. Using an approach that redirects the child away from undesirable behaviors is very effective. When you see your child acting in a way you do not approve, calmly let them know. Do not ask them to stop, tell them to stop. Give the directions in a manner the child will understand. If the same behavior presents again, follow the same steps, but never lose your cool.

Stay consistent with your rule enforcement as well as the consequences to breaking those rules. It is normal for the child to completely rebel in the beginning, but stick with it. Your child will see you are serious about this and will begin to follow the rules and behaviors you have discussed. If you are in a co-parenting home, make sure both of you are sticking to the same rules.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

The Hoax of the Three Bears

2011-01-09T22:25:00.000-08:00

If It Wasn't A Children's Classic... It Would Classify as an Urban Legend! You know the story, don't you? Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear... Too hot, too cold, just right... too big, too small, just right... too hard, too soft, just right. You know the one I'm talking about?

Well, it's a hoax. Look closely at the three illustrations in the story - the porridge, the chair and the bed. What is common to all three? The author wants us to believe that there's a 'Just Right'.

Ha, ha, ha! From my experience, I'm here to tell you that it just ain't so, especially when it comes to child discipline.

Spare the Rod. Come On, You Know the Rest.

I'm old school when it comes to disciplining my girls. However, being a step-dad in 2010 I realize that corporal punishment (eg. takin' 'em out to the woodshed) simply isn't an option any more, as tempting as that may be sometimes. Today, every kid knows their 'rights'. Children's Aid, and my impending incarceration, is only a phone call away.

Now that I think about it, it's hard for me to accept how a full grown adult could possibly have the heart to physically whale on a little kid, no matter how provoked, even though I survived the era where 'spare the rod...' was the rule of the day. Nowadays, I find that a firm grasp by the two shoulders along with a stern stare into the tiny terror's eyes, accompanied by a good shake or two usually gets my desired effect in very short order.

Barking, snapping and snarling also seems to get things moving when the little cherubs bog down, as they often do. My girls can easily go off into their own little fantasy world, especially when they have a schedule to follow or need to be someplace by a certain time. Keeping calm and composed while repeating the same instructions over and over, day after day is really out of my realm of possibility. I find it far more expedient to SHOUT IT OUT!

While the girls do move faster and seem to 'respect' me a bit more than they do their mom, these results come at a cost. The tense atmosphere created by all that shaking and barking takes its toll on the overall harmony of the home. The negative impact on everyone's well-being is HUGE! In the long run, bitterness and resentment can only build.

Yes, I'm the Papa Bear. You well may deem my methods to be TOO MUCH!

You Can Catch More Flies With Honey. True enough. But who wants more flies?

Maggie's approach to child discipline is quite different than mine. Oh, sure you'll hear her barking too from time to time. Our girls are no different than any other kids... they can really push your buttons hard. As much as I like to think that Maggie is my angel sent from above, the girls help to prove that she's only human.

Maggie's and my discipline styles differ like night and day:

Where she's the carrot, I'm the stick.

Where she rivets on rewards, I plan and provide punishment.

Where she goes after the good in each girl, I expect to catch them doing something wrong.

Maggie tends to see everything as a teaching opportunity. With her counseling courses behind her, she skillfully crafts questions to get the girls to think and act more responsibly.

Talk is cheap though. Our girls are still normal kids, which means that they can tune in and out anytime. In fact, they tend to get a little too lax under Maggie's regime. Happy, unafraid and carefree doesn't always translate into focused, self-disciplined and responsible.

As you already know, Mama Bear's methods could be construed as TOO LITTLE!

Don't Mess With Mr. In Between. I Can't Believe I'm Quoting this Ancient Song!

OK, now you know how old I am when I start referencing songs from 1944 (Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive). Nonetheless, that song is chock full of wisdom. It's absolutely true, you don't want to mess with Mr. In Between. Here's what I mean.

In our attempt to find that elusive, mythical 'Just Right', Maggie and I have tried just about everything in the book. First, because we saw merits in each other's approach, we endeavored to become more like each other. But you know what happens when you do that? You become less like yourself.

Another time we sampled being on the same page; I would bark, and Maggie would back me up with more barking of her own. Oh, the girls moved alright, but the stress and strain became unbearable.

Alternatively, I would join Maggie in discussion (OK, lecture) mode. We'd talk in what we considered to be calm and rational while the kids dreamily tuned us out. The house was not only relaxed and peaceful... it was comatose. Nothing got done!

There's No Such Thing As Just Right. Apologies to Kelloggs Cereals!

Ultimately, we concluded that there was no 'Just Right'. People and circumstances change constantly. What worked yesterday may be totally inappropriate or altogether ineffective today. The analogy of a missile being off course 95% percent of the time is very similar to guiding our own lives.

So sometimes - but not all the time - it's OK to shake and bark. Too much here and you'll embitter the child.

Other times - but not all the time - it's OK to discuss rationally. Too much here and you'll spoil the child.

Without one to balance the other, it's almost assured that you'll be hopelessly lost, reminiscent of Goldilocks, who upon seeing the three bears, screamed 'Help!' and ran into the forest, never to return again.

These days I'm still me - I bark and I shake, albeit more sparingly in carefully selected spots. It's often referred to in parenting articles as, 'Picking Your Battles'. Kids adapt very quickly and they can eventually desensitize themselves to even the most negative surroundings.

And Maggie is still Maggie. The difference now is that she is more vigilant to see that the girls are actually listening and hearing what she says.

It's the constant course correction that keeps our family together and on target. Being ourselves; staying on track; what can be better than that? You gotta Love That Feeling!

ADHD Parenting - 5 Great Ideas to Help Your ADHD Child in the Homework Battle

2011-01-07T16:05:00.000-08:00

What is the greatest challenge in ADHD parenting? Very probably, it is the homework battle and all sorts of problems can arise if there is not a strategy or homework plan in place in your home. Here are five ideas that parents and friends of mine have tried and they seem to help.

1. We need to set a timetable but we can make it easier by doing the following. We give plenty of warnings that homework is going to start so this prepares the child for the activity which is always at a set time during the day, in a quiet place away from distractions. This applies to other areas of ADHD parenting where routines and structures are all known well ahead of time.

2. Be there! We should sit with the child and see that he gets it done without nagging. That means giving the child full attention and support and it does not mean that we can check our emails while we are doing this.

3. I know parents who cannot be there so they get high school kids they know to help their child with homework and of course sit with them while they do that. If this works, you can gradually reduce the number of helper days. I know some parents who found that this was really beneficial and meant that they could all enjoy themselves as a family once they had got homework out of the way.

4. Another challenge in ADHD parenting is actually getting your kid to keep still while doing homework as fidgeting and restlessness are all part of ADHD. One way round this is to get a stability ball or exercise ball and let him sit on that while doing homework. Research actually shows that while kids are moving in some way they can focus and concentrate better.

5. Building breaks in and small rewards of healthy snacks is also a great way to keep things moving. This fits in nicely with rewards and consequences which can be a great help in ADHD parenting.

The other great challenge in ADHD parenting is trying out different medication options. You may have tried psychostimulants and might be worried about side effects such as loss of appetite and sleeplessness which is certainly going to have a knock on effect on homework. Maybe you should have a look at ADHD homeopathic remedies. They have no side effects and there are no health risks either. There is a lot of helpful information on my website below.

Counseling and Psychotherapy For Parents - Prevent Teen Depression and Aggressive Behavior

2011-01-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

The scientific method of dream interpretation proves to the world that there is a wiser brain, far superior than our under-developed human brain that produces our dreams and sends us wise messages in the symbolic form of dream images.

By following the guidance of the wise unconscious mind in your own dreams, you can solve all your problems, overcome all mental illnesses, find your physical health, and yet, help other people find their health and happiness like you.

You can mainly help your children prevent all mental illnesses before they become depressed teens or before they show aggressive behavior, resting assured that they will be able to keep their mental health for life. This means that they will become happy teens and adults, and you won't have to bear the conflicts common to most families.

Most people ignore how all mental illnesses are provoked, even though the scientific method of dream interpretation has already proved to the world that all mental illnesses are originated in the anti-conscience, the wild side of the human conscience that lives in a primitive condition, without any evolution. The anti-conscience is not a fossil, but a very active part of our personality, even though we cannot perceive its influence.

It is our primitive self, which keeps trying to destroy the human side of our conscience in order to control our behavior because it wants to be only a violent animal, disrespecting human rules.

Therefore, if we want to live free from all mental illnesses, we have to eliminate the poisonous influence of our wild, violent, and immoral primitive side.

This can be done through dream interpretation because the unconscious messages provide counseling and psychotherapy to our human conscience.

As a conscious parent, you must learn how to translate your dreams, and show to your partner how to do the same so that you both may become balanced parents.

By setting the example you'll be able to give your children the right education and help them understand the unconscious messages.

This is also how they will eliminate the dangerous influence of their anti-conscience without ever passing through mental illnesses, while they are still young.

They will build a strong and self-confident personality besides becoming very intelligent, since their wild side will be tamed and transformed into a positive component of their human conscience.

This means that they will use all their capacities and acquire complete consciousness, becoming sensitive human beings who will behave with serenity, compassion, and wisdom in all occasions.

Using a Closet Organizer to Make the Most of Your Kid's Closet

2011-01-04T03:24:00.000-08:00

Its hard to beat a great closet organizer. Why not use them in your kid's closet as well as your own to keep their clothes and other items neat and organized? Actually, kid's closets probably need them more than the adults. And, the best part, a new closet organizer kit is a great way to teach kids how to stay organized.

Finding the right organizer kit for my son's closet took plenty of online research. To begin with, I took everything out of the closet. When sorting through the clothes, look for items that they either outgrew or don't wear anymore. You can take these clothes and hand them down to siblings or anyone else you know that might fit into them. I used this opportunity to teach my son a little lesson on charity. He got to pick through the clothes that he didn't want anymore and we promptly took them to the nearest donation center. Its never too early to teach them to be charitable.

Once everything was cleared out and sorted through, I now had a better idea of the space that was available and took some measurements (this is a really important step). Since this is a child's closet, make sure you consider their height when installing a closet organizer. I dropped the kit down about eighteen inches when I installed it. Your height will depend on the height of your child.

By installing an additional rod down low at a comfortable height for your child will allow them to grab their own clothes. The upper rod will be reached soon enough as your child grows.

Don't worry if the shelves are too high for them to reach. You can put clothes that are out of season on them in plastic containers. For safety reasons, don't put anything too heavy up high as this could fall down on top of them if they do try and get something down by themselves. I place most items on the shelf in plastic containers that are labeled.

Don't be afraid to add a couple more shelves up top since you will probably have the extra room now. I really think that you can't overdo a closet with too many shelves.

Teaching your child how to keep the closet organized, neat and clean is the hard part. You'll need to demonstrate how to fold and hang their own clothes properly. Teach them sooner rather than later so they get used to using their new closet organizer.

Spring Cleaning For Parents

2011-01-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

Rake the yard. Clean out the garage. Go through closets. Donate unused items to charitable organizations. Wash windows. You know the drill. It's called SPRING CLEANING.

But what if spring cleaning took on a new twist this year, one that would benefit your children greatly? What if you cleaned the cobwebs out of your mind? What if you wiped away all the limiting beliefs that keep you from becoming the parent you always wanted to be? What if you cleaned up a broken relationship, mended a mental fence, or reminded yourself about the importance of your role in your child's life? This spring might just be the ideal time for cleaning up your responsibility as a parent. Consider the ideas below.

Reawaken your curiosity. Clean out your present expectations and your knowing of why your children do things. Return to wonder. Be fascinated by what they do. Let yourself be awed. Allow your curiosity to bloom this spring.

Eliminate judgment. Judgment keeps you from seeing your children clearly. If you judge a child as lazy, you are less likely to see ambitious behavior. If you judge her as uncaring, you will have difficulty noticing her benevolent acts. Clean the lens in your eyes by reducing the number of judgments through which you perceive your children.

Be out of your mind. Use silent times to wash old and useless thoughts from your mind. Resist the urge to overanalyze parenting issues. Stop thinking and cluttering your mind with incessant chatter. Listen to your heart. Follow your intuition. Pick parenting strategies that have your heart in them.

Appreciate the moment. The best present to give your children is to be fully present when you are with them. Throw out thoughts about the future and the past when you interact with your children. There is only one moment to see, feel, express, learn, grow, or heal with your children. This is it. Pitch the rest.

Clean up your schedule. Every child in the world spells love, T-I-M-E. Adjust your priorities. Pick through your list of social and business activities. Get rid of old obligations and habits that prevent you from investing time with your children.

Apologize and begin again. Spring is the time of new beginnings. Do you need to begin again with one of your children? Do you need to make amends? If so, tell him or her what you learned and what you intend to do differently from now on. Then follow through.

Cut down on talking. Reduce your need to explain, lecture, moralize, rationalize, and convince. The first step towards love is to listen. Give your children the gift of your presence by hearing rather that telling, by acknowledging instead of convincing, by understanding rather that jumping to conclusions.

Rework truth. Cleanse your mind of the notion that there is ONE truth. You know your truth. Allow your children to find theirs. Model for your children how you live your truth. Support them in their efforts to find their own truth and encourage them to trust it.

Fix it up. What parenting concerns need to be fixed in your home? Do you need to fix a relationship, the use of the TV and the internet, or a reoccurring stress? Fix your mind first so you are tuned into fixing problems rather than fixing blame. Maintain a solution-seeking mindset as you fix it up this spring.

Give yourself a perception check. Remember, you can choose to see any parenting situation differently from the way you are presently seeing it. Perception is always a choice. Clean up your mind by asking yourself, "Is this way of seeing this problem the one that brings the most light and love to the situation?" Use springtime to enlighten your parenting perceptions and actions.

A thorough spring cleaning of your parenting style could make your home sparkle. It could be like a fresh coat of paint that brightens the exterior and the interior of yourself and your children. It might work like the cleansing combination of adding energy and love to a bucket of soap and water. Brighter, cleaner, healthier family relationships could well be the result of your spring cleaning this year.

Happy cleaning.

Stay Home Dad Survival Tip #28 - Finding and Developing Your Child's Gift

2010-12-31T14:43:00.000-08:00

One of the more challenging aspects of parenting can be dealing with your child's interests. As your child gets older, he or she will start to exhibit traits that are an indicator of what their interests are. I believe everyone is created for a purpose and our jobs as parents is to channel our children in the direction that will best help them develop into who they are to be, to find their destiny.

Every child has a different interest and way of expressing it. In my house, there is a budding music producer, a natural-born journalist, an athlete and an artist. Talk to your child or children; ask them what kind of things interest them. I have found that usually by the age of 10 or 11, most kids have a general idea of what they would like to do. The easiest way to discover this is to ask a question like this: "If you could do anything in the world that you wanted to do that was not mean, or against the law, and get paid to do it and it would be fun....what would you do?" By the middle school years, your child has an idea of what he or she really likes. Find out what this activity or interest is and find activities in your area that you can utilize to develop this interest.

There are a lot of things that can be purchased from thrift stores or be obtained for free. My 13 year old wants to be an animator. I was able to find an older version of Adobe Flash for him off of Craigslist - for free. No need to spend $600 for the newest version of the software when a little searching around can get cheaper results. I also found a weight bench at the thrift store for under $30.00 for my 18 year old when he was weight training for football. For my budding music producer, I found an old keyboard that someone was getting ready to throw away and asked for it. All it needed was batteries. Now, the kids themselves have learned how to be resourceful and search for items that can be easily downloaded or viewed on the Internet for no cost.

I know it can get pretty hectic, running around from dance classes to art, to little league and pee-wee football practice, music lessons, etc, so some strategic planning is necessary, if you have several children, especially if you are a single parent. Find other parents in the area whose children are attending the same activities and share the load.

Most importantly, you have to be interested and supportive. You cannot decide for your child what his or her gift or talent is. You cannot push them towards what you want their gift to be, nor downplay what they want to do. There is nothing more frustrating that casting your frustrated desires and accomplishments onto your child. I know there are a lot of men out there (and women too) who really like sports, but just because you have a son or daughter who may have a great athletic build, you cannot force athletics upon your kid. He or she may not want to do that. Don't put your frustration on not accomplishing what you may have wanted to on the sports field onto your child. You may have the next business mogul or president of the United States. It's not about what you want them to do so you can look good and brag; it's about what they want to do...what they were created to do. In all reality, you should brag because they are your kids. If your son wants to be a dancer and you play for the NFL.... so what. Let him do it. He's not you. He's a product OF you but he's NOT you.

I've spoken with a lot of parents who struggle with this. Just because you have an Olympic gold medal or a Super Bowl ring does not mean that your child should be doing the same thing. For instance, President George Bush's daughter Laura loved to read books and she wanted to be a schoolteacher. She had no desire to be a lawyer. Her parents supported her.

Our children are not necessarily going to do what we do, because they are not us. But we can influence them in a positive manner and with our support, they will be successful in whatever they do. You need to do this because you never want your kids to feel that they are disappointing you by their career choices.

A child who grows to be an adult feeling unfulfilled because they sought your dreams instead of his or her own will be very frustrated as an adult. A child whose dreams are squashed and discouraged will find adult life to be more challenging than it should be. I wanted to be a fashion designer. I was invited and visited by the representatives of a prestigious design college, but was laughed at and discouraged. I was told "That kind of stuff is for sissies."

Let your child show and teach you what their interest is, support them 100%. Communicate with your children and devise a game plan early on to insure your kids' success.

Feel Confident With Your Kids With Home Drug Tests

2010-12-29T08:22:00.000-08:00

Having children can be a scary experience with so many things going on in the world. There is concern about whether you kids are having sex, smoking, drinking or doing drugs. While it simply isn't possible for you to find out everything that you need to know unless they confess or you follow them, there is an option for you if you want to know if they are drinking or doing drugs. Home drug tests make it possible for parents to get a bit of peace of mind when it comes to their kids and what they are doing when they aren't at home.

The first thing that you need to know about doing home drug tests is that they are perfectly legal. No matter how much your kids stomp their feet or talk about invasion of privacy, if they are under the age of 18 and they are your responsibility, then you can compel them to submit to the test. Fortunately, if your child is being unreasonable and refuses to pee in a cup to get the test done, you can simply use their saliva. Both ways will yield accurate results and let you know if your child is doing drugs.

The great thing about using home drug tests is that they are very inexpensive. You can purchase a test that checks for Amphetamines, Methamphetamines, Cocaine, Opiates, Marijuana and Phencyclidine for about 15 dollars. A kit that checks for alcohol via saliva is about eight dollars. If you want to check for nicotine, it will require a urine test, but it is only about three dollars. There are dozens of other home drug tests that you can purchase that test for single agents (if you have a suspicion about what drug might be being used) or a broad spectrum of agents if you aren't sure.

It never feels good to suspect your children of doing drugs and breaking the law, but the bottom line is, it is up to you to protect them. If you are worried about drug, alcohol or cigarette abuse, you have options. Check them for drugs, let them know that you are watching and that you are willing to do what it takes to ensure that they don't break the law or damage their bodies and/or minds because of substance abuse.

A Parent's Guide to Childhood Anxiety

2010-12-27T02:02:00.000-08:00

It is estimated that about 1 in 8 children experience some form of an anxiety disorder. Anxiety can be mild, and very temporary, as in simply being nervous about an upcoming event, to more severe and long lasting forms such as panic attacks, obsessiveness and traumatic stress responses. Symptoms of anxiety can range from low-level physiological responses such as headaches, upset stomach or irritability to intense nausea, sweating and an overwhelming incapacity to function. Anxiety may be generalized and manifest itself in a variety of surroundings and situations or it may be specific such as test anxiety. One of the more common types of anxiety for children is separation anxiety and parents can often see this exhibited when they leave a child such as going to work in the morning or taking the child to day-care.

Separation anxiety can be a phase. However, if it is not approached properly it can develop into other forms of anxiety such as social anxiety, phobias or trauma. Regardless of the type of anxiety a child experiences, treatment is available. In some cases, simple, supportive communication from a parent or significant adult can alleviate the anxiety. In other cases, professional intervention may be required. Because parents exert such a strong influence over their children, and because children mostly trust and rely upon their parents, and because going to a professional therapist introduces a stranger, parental intervention can be very effective when done properly.

One of the big mistakes parents often make in responding to a child exhibiting anxiety is to discount the child's experience. For example, if a child is exhibiting symptoms of anxiety and says they are afraid of going into their bedroom because a monster is there, to say "don't be silly there is no monster in your room" essentially tells the child they are lying. To the child's mind, there may be a "monster" in the room, in whatever form it may take. A much better approach is to accept the child's experience and lead the child to a more rational view. For example, the parent could say something like "oh, really, how do you know a monster is in your room?" If the child says "I saw it there" the parent can ask the child to elaborate on what it looked like, when it is there, what it does there and then lead the discussion to possible strategies to deal with this problem by emphasizing the various strengths and supports the child has at his or her disposal. It is far more important to help the child learn to deal with these kinds of situations than the actual removal of the monster. In that regard, anxiety becomes an opportunity to develop certain psychological skills that can be very useful throughout life.

The same kind of approach can be used for more intense forms of anxiety. In almost every case, anxiety is generated by internal dialogue, referred to as "self talk" and subconscious mental imagery. Because children are not well developed linguistically, many of their anxieties are produced from subconscious mental pictures. For example, the child above is likely not saying internally that there is a monster in the room; they are probably imagining a monster in the room. The same kind of imaginings can be at the root of social anxiety in which the child is imagining any number of unpleasant, negative and "bad" scenarios in social settings, all of which may not be realistic. Test or performance anxiety is often generated by subconscious mental imagery of failure and, perhaps, punishment resulting from that failure.

Because children have such a high need for safety and protection, most all anxiety can be relieved when the child's sense of safety and protection is bolstered. Exactly how that is accomplished will depend a lot on what the child says in response to questions about the situation. For example, a parent can ask a child who thinks a monster is in their room what they need to feel safe in their room. If the child says the monster has to go away, the parent can collaborate with the child in figuring out what needs to happen to get the monster to leave. It is important that the child participate in the strategies to remove the monster. It may not be enough that the parent goes into the room, comes out and says the monster is gone.

More intense forms of childhood anxiety, such as ongoing and intense phobias, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorders or posttraumatic stress responses would likely require professional intervention. However, even in those situations, parents can help reduce the symptoms of anxiety by respecting and acknowledging the child's experience, listening with an open mind, asking appropriate questions, in a supportive and inquisitive manner and letting the child know, in a way the child can easily understand, which may require not just words, but behaviors as well, that they are loved, cared for, and, above all else, safe.

A Parent's Guide to Childhood Nightmares

2010-12-24T19:41:00.000-08:00

Childhood nightmares, or very bad dreams, are not uncommon and often need nothing other than a parent's consoling embrace to remedy the immediate situation. Nightmares may occur for several reasons. Because children are very impressionable, watching a scary movie at night before bedtime can easily trigger a nightmare. If there is a high stress or frightening situation going on in the home, or at school, and the child has not been able to disclose this information to his or her parents, or a teacher or trusted adult, the nightmare may serve as a release valve. Certain life events such as the death of a pet, relative or parent, an auto accident, or a significant injury can be the source of nightmares. If the child is experiencing moderate generalized or social anxiety, or panic attacks, nightmares may serve as a way of processing those experiences.

The best way a parent can respond to their child's nightmares is to be comforting and supportive. If the child is able to talk about the nightmare, the parent can listen with an open mind. The parent can ask questions, in a very gentle way, probing into the details. It helps for the parent to remind the child where they are at the present moment, in the bedroom, and safe. A parent can also ask the child what they need to feel better. Children are often quite perceptive about what they need. The child may ask to sleep in the parent's bed. This may be acceptable but should not become a pattern. The child may ask that a light be turned on, and kept on, in their room, which is perfectly reasonable. The parent can also introduce ideas. There are some wonderful music CD's specifically geared toward lowering brain-wave patterns, calming the mind and relaxing the body. Such a CD could be played at low volume in the child's room. Because children engage in magical thinking, a parent can introduce the idea of special protective "fairy dust" that can be sprinkled throughout the room (fine sand or baking soda would work fine for this) or a magical protective crystal placed on the nightstand.

Recurring nightmares, in which the same general content is repeated night after night, is indicative of some psychological-emotional issue that needs to be addressed. Because the conscious mind is out of commission during sleep, the subconscious mind has its best opportunity to intrude. If there are issues that have occurred during the normal waking life which are troublesome, painful or frightening and have not been disclosed to parents or trusted adults, the material is repressed. And yet, such material seeks expression and release, which often occurs at night during the REM (dreaming) period of sleep in the form of a nightmare. For this kind of recurring nightmare, professional intervention is recommended. Most professionals would employ some form of play therapy to help understand the meaning of the nightmares and to help the child express hidden, and sometimes traumatic, information. Once the issue is made conscious, it can be dealt with and the nightmares vanish.

Some nightmares may be entirely symbolic and part of growing up. Children between the ages of 2 - 13 develop at an incredible pace. The biological, cognitive, emotional and social changes that occur during this period are remarkable. Growing pains, the adjustments to new ways of interacting with the world, can be unsettling and can trigger nightmares. In such cases, the content of the nightmare may not be relevant to any specific issue going on in daily life, but more symbolic about passages from one stage of life to another. In such cases, the parent can simply explore the content of the dream with the child and perhaps give meaning to the nightmare through talk, drawing pictures or, depending on the age of the child, writing a story about it. In many cases, its possible to then to alter the ending of the nightmare so it is not only less scary, but positive, emphasizing the strength, capacities and resources of the child.

Attachment Parenting - An Overview of What it Is

2010-12-23T13:21:00.000-08:00

Attachment parenting is becoming more and more popular as parents want to do the right thing for their children. Attachment parenting is a type of parenting that describes a highly responsive and highly attentive style of caring for a child. Pediatrician William Sears and his wife first coined the term "attachment parenting". Dr Sears has several parenting books that are popular in the parenting world. This highly responsive and attentive style is considered to promote physical and emotional closeness between parent and child. It promotes this closeness through bonding, breastfeeding, cosleeping, slings and various other things.

Attachment parenting encourages the parent to hold their baby often in the first weeks of life. The first 6 months are considered the "in arms" phase and parents are encouraged to hold baby as often as possible. Closeness is important so things like using a sling to help keep baby close while you get on is encouraged and also cosleeping. Breastfeeding is also encouraged and seen as an important part of a baby's development physically and emotionally.

Those who practise this style of parenting tend to learn from their baby by keeping them close to them and devoting lots of time and attention. Parents tend not to go by a clock or a schedule but look for signs from their child about their needs.

When a child cries they are responded to instantly. Attachment parenting does not advocate, "Cry it out" and believes that you can't spoil your child from constantly responding. Responding to their baby's cries every time allows a relationship of trust to be built and unnecessary suffering. A baby cries for a reason and it is an important survival tool.

Breastfeeding, of course, is another important aspect. Parents usually will practise extend breastfeeding too acknowledging the important of nurture and bonding as well as nutrition when it comes to nursing.

Along with breastfeeding, cosleeping and sling wearing, attachment parents tend to use gentle discipline that is age appropriate. For example parents may put breakables out of the way of a toddler, as it would be unrealistic to expect a baby to stop itself from reaching for objects they may find fascinating. Guidance, role modelling and gentle punishments as well as no discipline are things that attachment parents would use to deal with their children.

Of course not all advocates of attachment parenting will use all these different things but many do. This type of parenting is about knowing your baby and responding to them. It is about following your instincts as well and often many parenting styles can make a parent feel as though they are going against instinct because they are.

This type of parenting is a great way to relax and enjoy your child without feeling guilty or feeling like you are spoiling your child. It can be the best thing you do for you and your baby.

How to Encourage Your Shy Child in Team Sports

2010-12-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

Any parent with a shy child knows that being put in front of a large crowd and asking them to perform well is like a death sentence. Crying, panic attacks and failure are nearly a guaranteed result. There is a distinct difference between children who don't like sports and those who just break down at game time. So, how do you get your child to enjoy team sports and participate in all that a team requires? The answer will depend on your child, but here is a great place to start:

1. Have a Talk with the Coach. This is the most important step to helping your child move forward. It is important that the coach understand your child's issues and allow for them to be worked through. For instance, in the case of my child, she always did well in practice, but broke down at game time. She was actually one of the better players on the team, but just couldn't pull it together for the games. The coach was very frustrated and assumed I was coddler her too much by not pushing her to stay in the game. After my talk with the coach, however, he just encouraged her to come to the first two games and told her she didni't have to play. Then, he said she could just play one quarter (it was soccer). Having the coach understand why things are happening will change their attitude and allow the coach and child to communicate in a positive manner.

2. Encourage and Support Your Child. Don't push too hard, but don't let them quit either. Allowing them to quit will not help them in the long run. Even if it means only playing one quarter, or even one play of the season, they are on a team. Teaching them to work through hard times and knowing you are there to help them will build their confidence. The sense of accomplishment they experience will bleed over into other areas, like school.

3. Allow Them to Express Their Emotion. If they need to cry, let them. For a shy child to work through performing in from of large groups of people is a very bold and courageous thing. It takes a lot of energy and sometimes they need a release.

Whenever your child has issues, you must delicately balance encouraging them to be strong and finishing the task with allowing them to move at their own pace. Helping your child become more self-confident and overcome some extreme shyness is a process that must be taken step-by-step, but its one that every child can win.

Getting Kids Into a Routine

2010-12-19T00:40:00.000-08:00

The carefree days of summer are behind you and the school term is about to start. This is the ideal opportunity to start to get your kids into a regular routine.

Nobody wants to get their kids up on a school day and then have to rush around like idiots just to make sure that they are not late. It is imperative that a routine is started to make things easier for everybody concerned.

Once you get the kids into the habit of going to bed at the same time, they will find it easier to get up at the same time and have their breakfast at the same time; things will run smoother for everybody.

When the kids come home from school they inevitably just want to play with friends. Get them into the routine of firstly doing their homework and then getting things out ready for the morning. This will then give them the free time they are wanting before they have to retire for the night.

Regular bathing at night is beneficial to kids and gets them into good habits; they can also get their uniforms ready for the next school day, another routine for them to start.

The routine is the same every morning; make sure that the kids do not turn on the television or the computer when they get up. This could make them run late. It is important for them to learn to set off for school at the same time every day.

Once they have established a regular routine, the kids will be under less stress not having to rush around in the morning and this can only be good for their health.

Routine does not just mean preparing things for the morning. Routine also means eating proper nutritional meals and grooming them properly. If this is done at an early age then it will become automatic in later life.

How I Got My Toddler to Sleep Through the Night - And How You Can Too

2010-12-16T18:19:00.000-08:00

If you are a mom of young children, you have probably read all there is to read about getting your baby or toddler to sleep all the way through the night. You may even be surprised by the fact that the title says "toddler" instead of "baby. After all, there are countless books out there that tell you exactly what to do. I've heard it all "let them cry it out", "start after the first few weeks", "never let them sleep with you", etc. Well, guess what? It just doesn't always work. Suddenly you find yourself waking up several times a night for a 2-3 year old, wondering how it ever happened.

For me, it happened partly because I think the first several months are important for a child to be tended to, and it worked just fine for my other two children (plus my husband has insomnia, and this particular child was so pitchy when she cried that she disturbed not only my family my neighbors as well). Yet, it was time for her to stop waking up so many times a night, and I was determined to finally get her to sleep for long stretch. So, at 10 months old, I decided to tough it out and let her hang on to her stubborn will as long as she wished. She screamed for two hours straight before I went to bed to try and ignore it - but she wasn't done. I peeked in to check on her, as the crib was strategically positioned for me to be able to peek through the crack I had left without her seeing, and she was just plain mad. I went to bed and waited for the screaming to subside.

Now at 2 1/2 hours of screaming, it suddenly the got louder, and seemingly closer, and then further away. Naturally I had to get up and check. She had flipped herself out of her crib to come looking for me! There were no pillows to stand on, she just did a pull up and flipped herself out, then started through the house to find me and give me a piece of her mind. Keep in mind, this 10 month-old little girl had just started walking and was not a large child. She was only in the 10th percentile in for her height and weight, and she still managed to maneuver out of her crib like a skilled monkey. At this point I knew my nights of sleeping without a child were over. It was just plain dangerous and my baby's safety came before convenience.

Some of you may wonder why I didn't let her cry it out sooner. I tried. She made my other kids cry and gave my husband sleepless nights for days. Frankly, she probably would have flipped herself out even sooner than that and really hurt herself. So now being stuck with a stubborn toddler, the only method I found that worked was the "star system".

The star system was so simple, and yet I had to wait until she was old enough to understand it. If she slept through the night, she got a star. When she got 20 stars in a row, she got to pick out the toy of her choice at the toy store. The catch to it was, 20 stars in a row. So, if she only slept 3 nights, and missed the fourth, she had to start over. Every time she got distracted, frustrated, or lost sight of her goal, I took her to the store to see what she was missing. There were many fits and tantrums, but it finally worked. It took 3 whole months but it worked -- and she was proud of herself too.

For all you moms like me, we are all in a place (or have been in a place) where some other parents judge us or simply don't understand. Sometimes you just can't apply the rules, make it work, and still feel good about it. So all you moms should take comfort in knowing that you are not the only one. It is not always lack of discipline or structure, sometimes it's just what life hands you... and it only gets better.

Information About Road Safety Rules For Children

2010-12-15T11:59:00.000-08:00

Road safety is not only important for adult. Since children also need to walk and play in the fresh air, they also spend their time on the road with you. Therefore, you need to pay attention on road safety rules for your children. You can check out the following information and protect your children from any dangerous things on the road.

Basically, in a way to protect your children while on the road, you need to accomplish the most significant requirement that includes the combination of education, safety equipments for passenger and pedestrian like car seats, seat belts, helmet, and also the other proper compliance that comes with safety recommendation. Since today there are a lot of accidents happen on the road, fulfilling these requirements will be the wise things to do.

Talking about the car seat, it is suggested for parents to install this equipment with proper guidelines. Installing car seat properly will help your children to prevent getting neck injury. In some states, you will find that children under six years old should sit on the car seat, while children above six years old should use the seat belt at all times. Just check out the regulation in your state and follow it in order provide safety for your children while on the road.

Moreover, if your children need to use a seat belt, you have to make sure that it is tight enough for them. However, do not tighten the seat belt too much tight since it can make your children difficult to breathe. Just make sure that your children feel comfortable with their seat belt.

Spanking a Child Affects Brain Development

2010-12-13T05:38:00.000-08:00

Recent research on human brain development has shown that spanking and other corporal punishment will have a significant adverse affect on the development of a child's brain and brain function. Whenever a child experiences fear and stress, especially when combined with high emotional confusion or emotional separation from a parent or other caregiver, that child becomes biologically and neuro-chemically alarmed and on high alert.

The human brain consists of four distinct layers, the brain stem, mid-brain, limbic system, and the cortex. The brain stem is responsible for the most primitive functions of the body like breathing, body temperature regulation, and blood pressure. The midbrain, also called diencephalon, is a bit more complex, but still mostly reflexive, and is where a person operates when he or she is in a state of alarm. This is the instinctive "fight or flight" area of the brain and is a non-thinking and non-feeling place. The limbic system is the area responsible for experiencing and expressing emotions. The cortex, especially the pre-frontal cortex, is responsible for thinking, problem-solving, showing judgement and a conscience.

Two other key parts of the brain are the hippocampus, which stores memories, and the amygdala, which is part of the limbic system and determines which part of the brain is activated in a given situation. The hippocampus and amygdala work together to determine which parts of the brain are in charge. At any given moment, one of the three upper levels (midbrain, limbic system or cortex) is in charge based on the decisions of the amygdala and hippocampus.

The brain produces powerful chemicals called hormones. Normal development sees the brain release healthy doses of hormones to help a child learn resilience. During times of fear, however, stress hormones can flood the brain, causing anxiety and panic in the child, meaning he or she is less capable of thinking. During an unhealthy "hormone dump," a child will become hypersensitive and overly-reactive until the hormones dissipate, which may take an hour or as long as a day. Because a child's brain is constantly being wired, high states of alarm can "over-wire" a child's midbrain, making it denser and more dominant than it should be.

During these episodes of fear, the hippocampus stores memories for the purpose of protecting and preparing the child for future incidences. For the rest of the child's life, the memories stored in the hippocampus can trigger the same responses that activates the reflexive midbrain.

Whenever a child is highly fearful or alarmed because a parent or other caregiver is inflicting physical pain (like spanking) combined with unhealthy and out of control emotion, his or her brain development is being adversely impacted. A child with a brain that has been developed in healthy ways can function relatively smoothly, allowing the child calmness to think, emotionally connect, pay attention and grow intellectually.

Withholding discipline is not the answer. Finding healthy ways of effective discipline (limit setting, healthy consequences, making amends, etc.) will help develop a child's brain in healthy fashion.

Solving the Age Gap Between Your Kids

2010-12-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

It can be awkward to figure out what to do with children when there is an age gap between them, especially if you run a day-care centre, where there are many different age groups to look after.

There are activities that can be played between children irrespective of their ages, or you could have activities where the younger children are looked after by the older children.

There's no need to worry about what you can do to accommodate each individual age group. Here are a few tips on what activities are available to you if you are in this situation.

Craft classes are a good idea for kids of all ages. These can be done indoors or outdoors, and so it does not really matter where you are, or what the weather is like. If it is fine you can go outdoors, but if it is raining there are still plenty of craft ideas that can be done indoors.

Let the kids just run with their own ideas. You could just be there for them in case they have any questions or queries. You supply the materials and let them do the rest. You should quietly be impressed with the variety of work that each age group will turn out.

Other ideas to get everybody involved in could be playing Hide and seek, this can be played by all the age groups together, it does not really matter how old you are, you could even decide to join in yourself if you so wished.

If there are games that are really only suitable for the younger children, then why not let the older children organise and run the games themselves? Looking after the young children is a good way to teach the older children about responsibility. This can be handy for them in later life and make them more independent and confident.

Do not think that you have to always tell the children what they should and should not do. Let them organise their own games occasionally, you could always be on hand in case they need any help.

Quick Breakfasts For Busy Parents

2010-12-08T16:57:00.000-08:00

If you're a parent, you surely must know the importance of giving your kids a healthy, hearty, and nutritious breakfast each day. This fuels them for the day ahead, especially when it comes to school. Therefore it's important to plan properly around this meal.

Regardless of anything you may otherwise believe, all kids absolutely need breakfast. Without it, they stand the risk of drudging their way through a sluggish morning devoid of any nutrients and minerals that feed the body and mind with energy.

You don't need to be super creative when planning breakfast for your children, but you should know that there are plenty of options and possibilities and shouldn't lose sight of this fact. Let's take a look at some of the things you may want to consider.

Something quick may be more appropriate if you're pressed for time. Perhaps heating up a breakfast treat will appeal to you.

The most important part about breakfast is making sure that you're consuming foods that are good for the body. Don't neglect this small point, as the energy the right foods give will be a great contributor to a great day.

Maybe some toasted bread to start the day would appeal to them, especially if you sweeten it with some fruit or jelly. Cereal with things like sliced bananas are great as well.

Something as simple as a little milk will give your kids more energy and nutrients than almost anything else. A cereal bar is never a bad idea either.

The day is very long and children can get very hungry between their first few meals of the day. Therefore, giving them a big breakfast is integral.

Have Responsibility Through Self Liberation

2010-12-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

In order to raise responsible children parents give them freedom, hoping that "with freedom comes responsibility" (Eleanor Roosevelt). That is true with one important clarification. "Freedom that leads to responsibility is not given or granted; it is obtained by internal efforts. A child develops not by freedom itself, as some people think, but by the child's own actions to obtain freedom, by the child's self-liberation" (Simon Soloveychik).

The confusion in perception of freedom is hidden in its external and internal character. Parents widespread perception of freedom is usually an external freedom: freedom to move, to play, and to have a variety of choices. Those parents, who can afford, usually provide more space and toys to children with the hope that children naturally develop themselves. But children may not be able to handle freedom. Often they go wild and run out of control: they scream, they hit each other, they bother each other, or they hurt themselves. As a result parents limit children's freedom, for example by taking toys away, or by giving a time out. In other words, parents use the external freedom of children as a reward and punishment tool, by either giving freedom to children or taking it away.

Often, when freedom is taken away, children become rebellious. They strive to liberate themselves from their parents' petty prohibitions, and often the children's strength is exhausted in this fight. By the time they have a chance to be free from parents (become adolescents), they exchange their freedom for dependence on their peers. When grown up such people don't know responsibility, because their decisions were made for them by other people. Thus, external freedom given by parents has no direct relation to raising responsibility in children.

Internal freedom has a different character. It can not be given or taken away. Children don't necessarily need too many choices. They need one activity at a time, with a purpose, with meaning; it must be challenging, and simultaneously, it must be doable. Children learn from their own efforts while exploring something new. This internal discovery from "I didn't know" to "Now I know!" brings deep satisfaction to children, as it would bring to adults, is a self-liberating process. From being helpless - to being skillful: this is the process of self liberation which leads to internal freedom. Parents cannot take this freedom away from children. Nobody can. When children become teenagers and know internal freedom, they liberate themselves from limitations of life, from weaknesses of character, from cowardice, and from social injustice. They are not dependent on peer pressure. They make their own decisions and are responsible for those decisions.

Only with self-liberation comes responsibility. Only with internal freedom comes responsibility.

Keeping Kids Active - A Key For Success at School

2010-12-05T04:16:00.000-08:00

Do you want your kids do better in school? Keep them active physically. Never underestimate the value of physical fitness. Many preschool children do not meet average fitness standards, which in turn make them prime targets for cardiovascular disease.

It is up to parents to establish physical fitness as a priority for preschool children and continue this involvement once kids go to school. Studies prove that children who do get the proper amount of exercise perform better academically. They also need the mechanical stress of exercise for proper bone growth.

When you think about yourself, when you sit for a long period of time you become tired. If you get up and go for a walk you come back refreshed and ready to really get things accomplished. Children are the same.

What can parents do? Begin to plan an activity each day as soon as you have your baby. Take walks outside, keep active inside. Turn off the TV and move. Dance or crawl, roll and skip.

There is evidence that watching TV or playing computer games for long periods of time puts your body in the flight and flee mode, thus shooting chemicals into your blood which eventually clog your veins. Turn off the TV and get your kids moving.

If you want the best for your children, you must allow them the opportunity to get exercise each and every day. What ways does your family promote fitness?

Are You Fitting in Or Being Yourself?

2010-12-02T21:56:00.000-08:00

Every woman wants to be who she is. I'm sure you feel this desire deep within you. Yet have you felt another feeling that holds you back, one that stops you from taking risks and trying something new that calls you?

Every woman feels this hesitancy from time to time. Sometimes it's a daily feeling of being unable to do what you most long to do to express yourself.

Doug and I love reading books together at night. We're currently reading "The Princess of Landover," a fantasy book by Terry Brooks, one of our favorite authors. Last night in our story, Mistaya the teen daughter of our hero was brought into the principal's office due to a series a misbehaviors.

The first to speak is Miss Appleton the principal, " This isn't the first time you've broken the rules, and I am quite certain that if things continue on as they are, it won't be the last...In order for the learning process to function...the students must adhere to the rules...students must find a way to fit in. You don't seem to feel this is necessary."

Mistaya boldly agrees, "No, I don't. I think we are here to discover ourselves so that we can do something important with our lives. I don't think we're meant to fit it; I think we're meant to stand out. I don't think we are meant to be like everyone else."

If you're willing to tell the truth, you most likely grew up in a school and a family where fitting in was expected and sometimes forced upon you. Now, as adults, sometimes without knowing it, you may have internalized the pressure to fit in - to believe, say and do what everyone else believes, says and does.

The pattern of fitting in often perpetuates itself through multiple generations. You grow up in a family where fitting in and doing the 'right' thing is expected. Your parents, who grew up in a family where fitting it and doing the 'right' thing is expected, passed this on to you. Your parents' parents did the same. As you can see, this can go on and on.

So now we come to you as a parent, whether your child is 2, 12, or 22. You have choices to make - Will you continue the pattern to fit in or will you be fully yourself? Will you expect your child to fit-in and conform or do you want him to be himself?

Here are 3 potent questions to ask yourself to find more clarity:

#1 - Who did I learn from as a child and who do I look to now as my role model?

Unfortunately, when it comes to loving yourself and raising your child, there is a lot of misguided, limiting ideas floating around in our culture. If you look deeply at the lives of the people you are modeling, you may not really want to be like them or to live their lifestyle.

This does not mean you are criticizing them. It's simply a matter of your personal choice.

#2 - What am I trying to accomplish with this action?

Often, we do things automatically without really stopping to consider why we're doing what we're doing. We do it or say it, it feels right (and familiar), and we go on. The important thing to remember here is that everyone has been taught to believe, speak, and act in certain ways. It's usually your parents and your teachers, but it can be anyone, even the kid you met at the playground when you were six.

#3 - Is this really what I want?

Each person is unique. No one else has your unique combination of talents, insights, and gifts to share with the world. No other child has the gifts of greatness that your child does. Because of this, it is crucial that you that you live your life and parent your child based on who you are and who your child is, and NOT doing something because everyone else is doing it.

Wondrous things happen in lives and relationships the more you think for yourself and listen to your own inner guidance. Choose what's good for you, what's good for your child, and delightful miracles will happen. You have the power! I invite you to share your beauty and wondrous gifts even more with your family and the world!

Misplaced Loyalty Toward Hurtful Parents

2010-12-01T15:35:00.000-08:00

Our feelings about our parents can be very complicated. Some of what we feel depends on how they treated us when we were growing up as well as how they treat us today. Sometimes, we just go along with what our culture or society tells us we should feel.

If we have loving, supportive parents, the issue is quite simple: we love them back and appreciate everything they did for us. It gets more complicated when our parents were less-than-ideal. If they neglected, rejected or even abused us, we grow up to believe that it was due to our own inadequacies. Children typically blame themselves for what goes wrong in the parent-child relationship.

Rather than holding our parents accountable for how they treated us, we take responsibility for what happened and then try to change ourselves in order to finally win the love they've been withholding. What we don't realize is that when our parents hurt or reject us it has nothing to do with what's lacking in us and everything to do with their inability to love and accept their children.

Because it's about them, no matter how hard we try to ingratiate ourselves to our parents, their feelings toward us won't change. When we fail to win their approval we might feel hurt or even angry, but many of us also believe that we haven't tried hard enough to please them. The truth is, love is not a commodity to be bought and sold. Our parents will love us if they are able to, and for no other reason.

Still, it's easier for us to keep blaming ourselves because it's preferable to facing the unthinkable: the fact that our parents don't love us. This is an extremely painful realization to come to terms with. Most people would rather do anything than accept this as the truth. Not only is it painful; it's humiliating.

Even when we recognize that it's not about our own failings, we don't like the idea of admitting to our friends or loved ones that we grew up with parents who were hurtful or rejecting. There's always the fear that others will wonder what we might have done to deserve it. It's also hard to silence the voice of the "inner critic" which continually tells us that it really is our fault.

Paradoxically, those of us who were loved and accepted while growing up have a much easier time separating from our parents than those of us who were neglected, rejected or abused. A secure, loving attachment during childhood leads to a healthy ability to detach as an adult. Those of us from the former group are able to see our parents clearly as the decent but imperfect human beings that they are and can live rich, fulfilling independent lives.

Those of us in the latter group have a much harder time letting go of our parents. We tend to be quite enmeshed with them in adulthood as we continue trying to win their elusive approval. Despite the fact that we might be angry at them and even have on-going conflicts, we continue to spend a lot of time and energy on this frustrating, unsatisfying relationship.

Sadly, the worse we were treated, the more we end up doing for our parents when we're adults, and the more disrespect we tolerate. Loving parents create confident self-loving adults who won't accept mistreatment from anyone. Bad parents raise children who are riddled with self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. This group accepts being mistreated as a matter of course.

Loving parents never make their children feel guilty for the love and care they're receiving, and never make the children feel responsible for taking care of the parents' emotional or physical needs. Bad parents, on the other hand, go on and on about how burdened they are by their children and how many sacrifices they've had to make in order to raise them.

Children who were loved don't feel indebted to their parents and aren't driven by guilt to attend to their needs after they've left home. The unloved group has been brainwashed to believe, incorrectly, that it's a child's ongoing role to care for their parents. These people are driven by a powerful sense of obligation.

Beloved children grow into adults who love their parents and who are happy to be there for them when there's a valid need. On the other hand, loving parents are reluctant to impose upon their adult children; not wanting to be a burden on them. Unloved children grow into adults who may resent their selfish, hurtful parents but who aren't able to refuse their demands. Unloving parents see children as having been put on earth in order to fulfill parental needs, and therefore have no difficulty imposing on them.

Sadly, those of us who were unlucky enough to have been raised by bad parents also get to be burdened as adults by their demands. Despite the fact that they've done so little for us and have always put their needs ahead of our own, we maintain a sense of misplaced loyalty. It's partly because our society insists that we must respect our parents, and partly because we're still hoping for their love.

We need to let go of our feelings of obligation and recognize that if we'd been loved, we would be happy to return the sentiment. In loving families, guilt and obligation never enter into the equation. We want to believe that we belong to a close, happy family, and for those of us who have this, we should appreciate it. For those of us who don't however, it's time to face the truth.

We need to see that care-taking hurtful parents isn't going to make them love us and it isn't even going to make them happy. People who are so emotionally damaged that they're unable to love their children aren't really capable of happiness, either. They try to use us to meet some deep unfulfilled needs within them, but nothing we do could heal the emotional wounds that make them unable to love or care for us.

We're better off facing the truth about our parents; giving up our futile attempts at winning their love and focusing our attention instead on pursuing more obtainable and fulfilling goals. We can start by working on developing the self-love and self-confidence that our childhoods deprived us of. Then we can enter into relationships with people who are capable of loving and accepting us, just as we are.

Be a Soul Model For Your Child

2010-11-29T09:15:00.000-08:00

Walk your talk.

Remember, your children are watching.

Attitudes are more easily caught than taught,

You can never, not model.

Your actions speak louder than your words.

The statements above are just a few of the ways to express the notion that it is important to be a good role model for your children. There are many more. For almost everyone agrees that children in this day and age need positive role models.

While it would be difficult to argue against the importance of being a positive role model for children, we contend that it is not enough. Children don't need role models today as much as they need soul models. Our children need people in their lives who recognize that they are in this world, but not of this world. They need adults who can move past the ego-driven control styles exhibited by so many parents today and connect with them on a soul level.

Do you feel compelled to move past the limiting notion of being a role model and purposefully expand your reach to touch souls with your children on a regular basis? Do you want to add spiritual to the physical, mental, and emotional connection you already feel with your children? If so, the strategies below will help you do that. Read through the ideas presented and see which ones resonate on a deep level for you. Pay close attention to those. Those are the ones your soul is urging you to implement.

1. Help your children turn concept into experience. Your soul knows about generosity, love, caring, etc. It understands those concepts thoroughly. The soul doesn't need any more information about these concepts. What the soul desires is to experience generosity, loving, and caring. You may have a heart filled with love, but if you do nothing loving, the soul lacks the experience of loving.

Help you children to know themselves as loving by showing them how to do loving things. Encourage their generous acts so their souls can experience generosity. Help them to be caring by demonstrating and encouraging caring acts.

2. Share your feelings. Your soul communicates through feelings. The messages it sends come from the inside, out. Trust your feelings and allow your child access to the process of naming, describing, and using feelings to help make decisions. Honor you child's feelings and help them to trust those valuable messages that are the language of the soul.

3. Protect your child from noise pollution. The soul requires quiet times. Televisions blare in living rooms with no one present. The radio goes on as soon as people enter their cars. Malls, stores, and outdoor events create a constant barrage of music. The woods are increasingly filled with four-wheelers and motor bikes. Once peaceful lakes, now contain noisy speed boats as more and more people equate fun with speed and noise.

Go for quiet walks with your children. Have quiet time in your home and automobile. Inner listening requires silence. Help your child quiet his outer world to give room for his inner world to come forth.

4. Get back to nature. Direct contact with nature is essential to healthy spiritual development, not to mention the positive effects it has on physical and mental development. In this electronic age, our children are plugged in to everything but nature. They are missing contact with the beauty and silence of the natural world. Their souls ache from the negative effects of nature-deficit disorder.

Walk in the woods, camp, or bike on a nature trail. Go to the roof of your city apartment building if necessary and watch the stars and wonder. Chase fire flies, let snow flakes melt on your face, roll down a grassy knoll. Sit on a dock and dangle your feet in the water. Ride or groom a horse. Touch nature and let it touch you back down deep in your soul. Let your children see how much you enjoy it.

5. Get out of you mind. Rational thought and analyzing are of the mind. They are components of the mind/body connection, not the soul. Go to your heart for messages from the soul. What are your heartfelt desires? All creation begins with desire. Desire is the soul urging you what to do next.

Do not limit your children's desires. Encourage them to pay attention to those urges. It is their soul moving them forward. Help them find ways to work for their desires in responsible, caring ways.

6. Help you children make BE choices as well as DO choices. Doing is the job of body. It is always engaged in doing something. We make DO choices all the time. Playing catch, reading a story, praying, and putting a puzzle together are all examples of doing.

The job of the soul is being. We can be open-minded, considerate, friendly, happy, silly, or many other sates of being. When we decide how we want to be in a given situation and then actively be that way, it affects how we do whatever it is that we are doing. Help children bring how they are being into harmony with their souls and they will experience greater satisfaction in whatever they choose to do.

7. Help children learn to focus. The soul wants to be present and to be here now. If you talk on the phone while you are doing your taxes and simultaneously watch TV, you may think you are modeling for your children the valuable skill of multi-tasking. In actuality, you are demonstrating how to give important activities partial attention by diluting your focus and not being fully present for any of them.

8. Separate the deed from the doer. Children are not their behavior. They are not their report card. They are not their table manners. They are not their anger. Those behaviors are only their behaviors in this present moment. It is not who and what they are as human beings----a child of God.

"I like you and I don't like that behavior," are the words to use and the attitude to take to separate the deed from the doer. It tells the child that it is the behavior that is inappropriate. Love remains for the child while the behavior is disliked.

9. See it all as perfect. If your child is disrespectful of her grandparent, see that as the perfect way for her to communicate to you that she needs to learn more about respect for the elderly. See it as the perfect time to teach her a lesson on showing respect.

When your child leaves his toys out, that is the perfect time for him to learn about what happens when he makes that choice. If your teen turns off the alarm and goes back to sleep, it is the perfect opportunity to allow her to experience the natural consequences of being late for school.

You can see the parenting moment that you face today as awful or you can see it as perfect. To bump souls with your child, choose to see it as perfect.

10. See you child as a teacher. Your children are in your life as much so you can learn from them as they are so they can learn from you. Be open to the lessons your children offer you and honor them for helping you learn and grow.

When you use the ideas above do not be surprised if you begin to see your child as you have not seen her before. You may begin talking to your son with language patterns you have not used previously. You may hear your children with new ears. Not to be alarmed. Those are simply the joyous sights and sounds of souls touching.

Fostering Children With ADHD

2010-11-27T02:54:00.000-08:00

Fostering children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has special challenges for foster carers. Although there are three types of ADHD, the condition is generally characterised by factors including a lack of concentration, hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour.

Genetics is thought to be a partial cause of ADHD and this means that ADHD is often passed down in families. Evidence suggests that the risk of a child being diagnosed with ADHD approximately seven times higher for children with a parent or sibling with ADHD.

The effect of environmental factors on children are linked to ADHD such as families who exposure children to alcohol, cigarette smoke or drugs during pregnancy, and exposure to family violence. ADHD is a medical condition which can be diagnosed and can explain why some children behave badly.

ADHD is more common in boys and is most often noticed when a child starts school. Children tend to have difficulty concentrating, remembering instructions, paying attention and finishing tasks. Children can be fidgety and always on the go and appear to act without thinking. Children might be inattentive, hyperactive and impulsive.

ADHD is not just bad behaviour. Foster carer looking after children with ADHD will be frustrated because discipline strategies they use with other children are not as effective. Foster children with ADHD need clear boundaries, consistency and stability of care. Foster carers can help by monitoring children's food as some colourings might make the symptoms worse.

Foster children might not have had a diagnosis therefore if a foster carer is concerned about a child's behaviours professional advice should be sought having informed the child's social worker.

In therapy, children suffering from the condition learn to identify and modify certain aspects of their conduct. Common forms of ADHD behaviour management include coping skills such as learning to organise tasks in list form, breaking large tasks into smaller ones, and completing short tasks.

The second most popular method of ADHD behaviour management is medication. The most commonly prescribed stimulant medications are Ritalin, Adderall, and Dexedrine.

These medications take the form of behaviour management as they correct the chemical imbalance found in the brains of diagnosed children. Of the two methods mentioned, research suggests that medication is the more successful form of ADHD behaviour management.

If you are thinking about fostering remember that children need to really feel part of your life and the things you and your family do. Never lie to them or keep bad secrets and never moan about their family or their social worker - be positive, be honest and always aware that you have the privilege to really make a massive difference for the better in children's lives!

6 Tricks to Make Homework With Your Child Less Painful

2010-11-24T20:34:00.000-08:00

Homework: the dreaded battle you have with your child every day after school. Does this sound about right?

Many children turn homework time into an all-night battle of the wills with their parents. Consequently, homework leaves a bad taste in parents' mouths and becomes the dreaded monster that invades their homes during the school year. As a teacher and a parent, I know some tricks that will get your kids on the right track to homework success. I've used these techniques in the classroom and at home. If you use these tricks consistently and firmly with your children, you will see impressive changes in their homework work ethic.

1. Find The Right Place to Work

Every child should have a designated place to do their homework, whether this is at the kitchen table or at a designated desk in their bedroom. Wherever you choose to have them work, make sure that you minimize distractions (no TV, rowdy siblings, etc) and give them all the tools they will need (pencil, paper, etc). Once you've chosen a spot that meets these criteria, make sure your child does their homework every day in this same spot. Making it a routine is important.

2. Set Aside Time for Homework

Children thrive on routine. In addition to having a designated spot to do homework, you should also have a certain time for them to do it as well. I like to make it about thirty minutes after we come home from school. This gives them time to go to the bathroom and eat a small snack before diving into their homework. I do not recommend waiting until close to bedtime or late in the evening unless you have no other option. Also, until you get the homework routine down so it's no longer a struggle for you and your children, try your best to be home during "homework time." I know a lot of parents who will run errands, visit family and friends, do fun things with the family, and other commitments smack in the middle of homework time. You will only break your momentum and put yourself back in square one if you do this.

After a while you will have more flexibility with "homework time." For example, I took my younger son to the pediatrician after picking up my older son from school. It was in the middle of "homework time." Life, as you know, doesn't always allow you to plan around your family routines. So, off we went to the doctor's office, but my older son was so accustomed to our homework routine that he did the work in the room as his brother got checked. If this happens to you, make sure you are equipped with a sharpened pencil

3. Re-Fuel Before Homework

This is a very simple thing to do that will boost your child's ability to successfully complete their homework without undue hassle. Simply provide your child with a drink and a small snack after school. Have your kids take a potty break after their snack and then make them get to work.

4. Consistency is Important

Your kids should do their homework in the same spot (as much as possible) every day. They should do their homework at the same time every day. Try to plan anything you need to do around homework time. Consistency is going to help you build the foundation for your child to make them successful in homework without stress on your part.

5. Positive Reinforcement to Encourage Your Children

Nothing turns a kid off faster than a nagging parent. Children will work harder when they receive praise for their efforts. For children who are resistant to homework to the point of not doing it, you may want to consider a rewards system (stickers on a chart, for example) to encourage their success. For other children, specific, positive verbal praise will help encourage your kids to keep up the good work.

6. Teach Them Homework Responsibility

To reduce stress off your shoulders, teach your children to be responsible for their homework. This means teaching them to keep track of their assignments. Teaching them to put their completed work in their backpacks. After you consistently enforce the routines for doing homework, at some point your children should be on autopilot and do it themselves with you simply overseeing everything.

Excellent Tips For Preparing Your Toddler For a New Baby's Arrival

2010-11-23T14:13:00.000-08:00

There's nothing more exciting than expecting a new baby. But for a toddler, a new sibling means a lot of unwelcome changes. To the toddler, who is probably used to being the center of attention most of the time, it seems like everyone has focused on this new baby and has forgotten about her. In most cases, she doesn't even fully grasp the idea that a new baby is coming, much less what it will mean to her. All she understands is that Mom, Dad, Grandma, and everyone else who used to give her lots of attention are now focused on the "baby". If you want to keep sanity in your home when the new baby arrives, it's critical that you begin preparing toddler for a new baby's arrival. And the sooner you begin, the better.

Start preparing your toddler for a new baby's arrival from the time you discover that you are going to have another child. Toddlers love stories, especially stories about themselves, and one of the best ways you can do this is by sharing stories of when you were expecting them, and when they were little babies. Whenever a new milestone in the pregnancy is reached, point it out to the toddler. Remember that this is all a new and fascinating experience for him. When Mommy's tummy begins to show, when the baby begins to move, even things like cravings can be an opportunity to share with your toddler about his new brother or sister. Have fun with it. Let your little one feel the baby kick, tell them any weird food cravings you may be having. Laugh about the new baby together. Remember that while Mom's body is experiencing changes and everyone is hustling around to get things ready for the baby, your toddler will need an extra helping of special attention.

Another way of preparing toddler for a baby's arrival is to invite friends over who have babies, the younger the better. Even if you don't have friends with babies, it's important to explain as best you can what to expect from the new baby. Tell your toddler that babies really mostly cry and sleep when they first come home. Tell him that you will often need his help by being very quiet so the baby can sleep. Say things like, "the baby will need lots of sleep so she can grow up to be as strong and smart as you are." Of course, if you invite friends with babies over, let your toddler observe the baby as much as possible. This will help her have an idea of what to expect from a baby.

And once the baby arrives, make sure that you use some of those times when the baby is asleep to give your toddler lots of special attention. Help him to focus on all the things that he can do that the baby can't yet. This will help him feel proud of himself, and may help lessen the feeling that the baby is getting all of his attention. And don't rush off every time the baby cries if you are doing something with your toddler. It won't hurt the baby if she cries for a minute or two, and it will affirm to your toddler that you love her, too.

Lastly, a word of encouragement...it can be exhausting raising young children. But it doesn't last forever. They do grow up. Enjoy them while they're little, even when they wear you out. All too soon, they will be grown up and you will be giving someone else advice on toddlers and babies as you look back over these precious days.

Parents Connecting With Children For Healthier Relationships

2010-11-21T07:53:00.000-08:00

Children, by nature, crave to connect with adults. From birth, a child's survival and well being depends on adults noticing him or her and taking action. If a child can't connect with parents with positive behavior, he or she may do it by misbehaving. For younger kids, it may manifest as fussing and whining, while older kids may become obstinate or defiant to get a parent's attention. When parents focus on a child's bid for connection in positive, healthy ways, that child is less likely to act out.

Emotionally connecting with a child in positive ways starts with active listening. Active listening is the ability to accept what a child is saying, while not necessarily agreeing. Giving proper time and attention to a child through active listening will allow the child to fully process information emotionally, before considering logical ways to react. When active listening, the listener must not ask a lot of questions, offer explanations or advice, prematurely problem-solve, or passively reassure. When listening, it's best to say little or nothing if at all possible, or perhaps offer slight acknowledgements or affirmations, without judgment or agreement.

When listening to a child, be prepared for emotional honesty. Studies show that most kids are pretty poor liars. In the healthiest of relationships, honesty is encouraged and respected. Having an "open mind" often helps, as sometimes parents can be quite surprised at what is uncovered during healthy connection. Some limits may need to be set if too much emotion begins to flow.

In other efforts to connect with a child, state your goals clearly. Subtle and confusing bids for connection may miss the mark with most kids.

Mom: "Want to go have lunch?"

Steven: "I'm playing a video game right now"

During this exchange, Steven interprets his mom's bid for connection as a simple request for information, not an effort at connection. Here's what happens when mom is more clear:

Mom: "I haven't seen you much this week and I have the day off today. I'd like to spend some time together. Want to go have lunch?"

Steven: "I'm playing a video game right now. Could we do something later?"

Mom: "Sure, let's set a time now that we both can count on."

Finally, when emotionally connecting with a child, understand that emotions can be intense for children. Children do not have the life experience to easily get past or move on from emotional entanglements with family and peers. A child may not understand that the sadness, fear or anger he or she is feeling is not going to last forever. When talking to kids about feelings, don't underestimate or dismiss the intensity of what is being experienced. Parents can have the patience and focus to help a child navigate the emotional journey, in an effort to build even stronger connection.

Your HS Student May Not Be Ready For College

2010-11-19T01:32:00.000-08:00

Before parents decide to send their High School graduates off to college, they should carefully consider their student's chances for college success. As they told me during my own freshman orientation, "Look to the right! Look to the left! One of those two students won't be here for graduation." Those odds are even worse at some colleges today. That's why it doesn't make sense for parents to send a child off to college when he/she is not prepared to succeed.

To help you determine if your High School student is ready for college, take a few minutes to think about four areas that directly influence college success.

College Basics

In college, students are expected to have the maturity to do what is needed. Successful students are reliable. They find out what has to be done and perform those requirements to the best of their abilities.

Wise parents determine whether their children have the maturity to perform the basic requirements for college success. They ask and answer these questions:

- Will your child attend all of his/her classes, even the 8 a.m. classes?

- Will your child complete all of his/her assignments?

- Will your child turn in those completed assignments on time?

- Will your child actively participate in classroom discussions?

- Will your child put in the hours needed to study for tests or to research and write papers?

Have you answered "yes" to each of these questions?

Required Communication Skills

To be successful in college, students should have above average communication skills. That means that your child can and will need to:

- Read ~ ~ Speed, Comprehension, Memory

- Write ~ ~ Spelling, Punctuation, Grammar, Logic, Content, Sentence Structure, Style

- Speak ~ ~ Thought Process, Vocabulary, Voice Quality, Presence, Body Language

- Present ~ ~ Preparation, Practice, Make & Defend Arguments, Answer Questions

- Listen ~ ~ Comprehension, Note Taking, Follow Instructions, Accept Criticism

Are your child's communication skills adequate for success in college?

Degree of Difficulty

Not every student is ready to perform at the higher level required in college. Students will quickly find that there is more work and that work is more difficult than they experienced in High School. If students are not ready to step up and perform without any hand holding, they will quickly fall by the wayside.

Is your child capable and ready to perform at a higher level?

Drive and Determination

This is probably the most important factor in college success. If your High School student has not expressed a strong desire to attend college and has seldom demonstrated the determination to succeed at something important, he/she may not be ready. Additionally, since most college students will encounter a few problems and disappointments along the way, only the most determined students will be able to pick themselves up, quickly dust themselves off and get back in the game.

Does your student have the drive and determination needed to succeed when things get tough?

When parents look at their children objectively by considering these four areas of concern, they will be in a better position to determine if their children are ready to perform in college.

Does Feeding Your Family Have You Feeling Like a Short-Order Cook? How to Make the Most of Mealtime

2010-11-16T19:12:00.000-08:00

Balancing nutrition for an entire family of mom, dad, kids, toddlers and babies isn't easy. You want your kids to eat healthy food, but kids are notoriously picky eaters. Add to that a husband with a voracious appetite and your own desire to maintain a healthy weight (or, let's face it, lose a few pounds) and you're in a pretty tough spot. Is there a way to keep everyone happy without making yourself crazy in the process?

It's not uncommon for many moms to find themselves faced with a situation just like this. Here are some suggestions to help you balance your family's nutrition.

Make the right choice

First and most importantly, remember that healthy food is healthy food. By choosing the right foods, you can achieve everyone's nutritional goals in one fell swoop.

Fresh fruits and vegetables are always smart choices, and the kind where you can't go wrong. Adults and children should eat anywhere from five to 10 servings of fruits and vegetables per day. That means your hungry hubby can max out on 10 servings, your picky 5-year old can eat five servings, and you can settle yourself somewhere comfortable in between.

As for the rest of your family's diet, choose whole-grain breads, pastas, rice, low-sugar cereals, low-fat dairy, lean meat, fish and tofu to end up with a balanced, healthy meal. By finding items from these food groups that your kids like, you'll keep everyone - including yourself - healthy and happy.

Planning makes perfect

While it's important to choose the right kinds of foods for your family, it's very easy for busy moms and dads to fall into the fast-food trap. When you're working all day and commuting from work to home, it's tough to come home and whip up a gourmet, well-balanced meal in minutes.

Start by writing yourself a weekly menu before grocery shopping. Make what you can ahead of time, and simply warm it up when you get home. Cook up meals in larger batches and stick them in the freezer. Even try buying salad in a bag and preparing vegetables the night before. The more time you spend planning your menu, the less chance there is you'll stop at the local fast-food outlet on the way home.

Variety is the spice of life

It's easy to get stuck in a nutritional rut when you've got kids. Maybe your toddler wants to eat nothing but macaroni and cheese, or you've got a 6-year-old who will eat nothing unless it's dipped in ketchup. Making a well-balanced meal that incorporates your child's quirky eating habits is often a lesson in frustration.

Don't despair if your kids rely on certain staple foods. Instead, try to offer your kids a variety of different foods and different spices. They might reject the new flavours at first, but persistence will pay off and your kids will eventually eat many different kinds of food. If your child still refuses to eat new foods, just ease off the pressure for a while.

Baby steps

Finally, remember that introducing your kids to new foods takes time. The optimal time to start teaching them healthy nutrition is when they're just starting solid foods as babies. Studies have shown that the more variety, the more flavours you introduce early on, the better your children will be later on.

Solving Sibling Rivalry

2010-11-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

Being raised in a family will inevitably bring about a touch of sibling rivalry. It is all just a part of the growing up process. It has always been the case since the beginning of time, and I guess it will never change.

To try to make it a little easier. You could always try what is known as passive parenting.

We all know that kids love to tell over their brothers or sisters, just to try and get them into trouble. It happens in every family in the world. The way to try to make things a little easier is to try to get a few ground rules set. It is okay to inform on your siblings if they are intentionally being destructive in the house or with your property, or if they are hurting you for no reason, but if they keep trying to tell over them for something insignificant, then tell them off instead.

Instead of always sorting out their problems all the time, occasionally why not just say something along the lines of "wow that must really annoy you" do not always fix the problem but offer a statement instead.

If they repeat the problem, you just repeat the statement, this may get them mad at first but it will eventually teach them to stand up for themselves and sort out the problem.

Your children should be encouraged to set their own rules for what is right and what is wrong.

Siblings must ask permission from one another before they can play with or borrow another sibling's toy or they must ask permission before entering another sibling's room.

Sibling rivalry is all part of growing up together. It always has been, and it probably always will be; but if we try to teach our kids how to handle situations with more authority, this will stand them in good stead for later life.

Tips to Encourage Your Teenage Son to Keep His Underpants On

2010-11-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

Boys in particular need to have an avenue to channel their emotions. What does your son do? Does he go to school come back home and get glued to the television, computer, Xbox or PSP and any other gadget of its kind? If you respond to this in the affirmative, he is one of the 'at risk' ones.

I have found that boys crave for affection from their parents just as much or even more than girls. But we tend to dismiss them so quickly. For instance when they cry or sulk you here parents say, 'don't cry you are a boy.' Boys tend to be denied love too early which makes them go after girls because they still want to cuddle up with someone who is willing to let them. They want a girlfriend not because they really know what love is themselves but because they need someone to hold them, hug them and make them feel 'soft' and 'gentle'. If however, they are at the stage of puberty, sexual desires creep in and as they have always learned to suppress their feelings, they feel the urge to dispense now and see no reason why not.

Discussing with a few girls recently they informed me that the boys pressure them so much and refusal means the friendship is over. To be honest that saddened my heart. The girls were between sixteen and seventeen. In schools sex is mentioned to a child at about the age of ten but many parents are guilty of never mentioning a word about sex to their sons even at sixteen. Who do we expect to tell our sons or much more guide them if not the parents? From all what they see and hear they are already yearning to know what the 'hush hush' topic is all about so raising the subject will offer appropriate guidance and you a peace of mind.

A major influence is peer pressure. Those who have had sex tend to boast about it making the others feel out of touch and awkward by still being virgins. So it is up to us to encourage our sons to maintain their integrity.

Boys persuade girls to give in to their desires, if she refuses he says she doesn't love him, but when she gives in he wants more and more. As parents, it is our duty to guide our sons. First, demonstrate true love and encourage him to burn his energy elsewhere by signing him up at a football club, basket ball pitch, in a pool swimming or on the tracks running. He could play the guitar or other instruments, if not, involve him in what you do especially if you have a business of your own.

Do not assume that your son wants to be love free because he behaves as if he could not care less. Such ones are those who really yearn for love. Make out time to talk with your son, so you know his thoughts and feelings. It might be easy if you have developed a rapport with him but if it is what you just have to initiate, this is a good starting point. Maybe he always locks himself in his room, try and get him to spend more time with the other members of the family. Maybe everyone in your household stay apart anyway, it is a good way of bringing them all together. You can save your son and yourself from bitter repercussions by starting today with no delay.

Are you a concerned parent or teenager who wants to maintain your integrity visit the family unit and teenskorner at http://www.hopefortheliving.com for more inspiration.

Have Responsibility - Seven Stages of Self-Liberation

2010-11-11T00:10:00.000-08:00

There are seven stages of self-liberation on the road from birth to death. Each stage represents a change in freedom available to people. Simultaneously, there is an invisible change in acquired responsibilities.

1st stage. At birth a new born liberates himself, with pain and a cry, from his mother's womb to the world. What freedom! Yet, no responsibility whatsoever. Mother and other caregivers around are fully responsible for baby. It is freedom with full supervision.

2nd stage. Baby starts walking. Struggling with gravity and learning to maneuver a little body he liberates himself for freedom to move. His mother is still responsible for his life and safety. But from now on if he falls to the ground he would know that he did it himself, not that the ground jumped up and hit him. With the first steps comes the first realisation that he needs to rely on himself.

3rd stage. A child goes outside. The yard and street have so much to offer! Yet, there are also dangers. The child is learning to recognise what is what, with supervision of mother. With age and experience supervision lessens, and responsibility of the child increases. It is a stage of half freedom and half supervision.

4th stage. A child goes to school! There is less and less supervision from mother, more and more responsibility is put on the child. Perhaps it takes a decade for the child to become fully prepared for independence.

5th stage. It is an invisible stage happening in the mind of the growing child. Nature offers the ability to give birth to another human being. It is a higher level of freedom, which one didn't have before. Yet it is a great responsibility. The efforts of the growing child in realising this responsibility is self-liberation from ignorance to knowledge. If this process doesn't happen internally (in the mind), the lesson of responsibility may be very painful.

6th stage. A child is grown up and starts his own life. No supervision, full external freedom. Everything now depends on how much the grown up has developed internal freedom. Ideally, the grown up child must be completely financially independent from parents; and hopefully continue fully attached to the parents by his soul.

7th stage. Death. Full freedom from responsibility.

There are different stages of human development. We described Simon Soloveychik's unique view on this process, which he calls self-liberation. In fact, people are doing this every day. They liberate themselves from problems by solving them. So do children in their lives. They are going about their day to day routines overcoming their helplessness, to become empowered, moving from dependence to independence. In this way they are learning to be responsible.

Create Magic With Your Daughter

2010-11-08T17:50:00.000-08:00

Magic is the ability to change consciousness at will. As a mother of a nine-years-old girl, I am striving to teach her magic wherever possible.

The turning of the season is an excellent opportunity for using magic as a consciousness-shifting tool, and this past Spring Equinox was an exciting juncture for practicing this with my daughter.

Winter was almost gone, but its cobwebs lingered. I felt a little weighed down after the long inwards months, as if some clouds were still lingering internally, if not out in the sky. I had to do something to shake them off!

A dear friend, who was born in Iran, mentioned that Iranians celebrate the New Year on Spring Equinox, with a series of ceremonial jumps over a fire. This sounded exciting:-)

I invited my daughter, Ellah, to let go of winter and welcome the coming spring with some magic. This word always ignites her imagination, as it still does mine. We gathered various pieces of paper that represented winter, such as schedules, and cards with information or events that took place during the winter months.

A fireproof bowl and a box of matches in one hand, a jar of flax seeds in the other, we headed toward our back yard. The grass was still dewy and a few rays of sun created tiny rainbows through them. Magic was afoot...

We placed the bowl on the ground, scrunched our pieces of paper in it, and set them on fire! I didn't explain anything; rather I stepped back and watched the flames for a moment. What I wanted to let go of became clear in my mind's eye within seconds. I proceeded to sprint and leaped over the fire, calling out: "I'm letting go of winter's procrastination!"

Before I had a chance to ask if she knew what the word meant, Ellah was behind me, jumping over the fire and announcing what she was letting go of! We started laughing together, and run back for more. I briefly asked her, and realized she didn't know what 'Procrastination' was. "Going around in circles, and not doing what I planned to do," I said to her, to which she answered by jumping over the flame again, calling: "I let go of laziness!"

I was thrilled. There was no need for laying out the concept or launching into explanations. An honest example was enough for her to follow suit. We went on and on, leaping over the flames, calling out to our hearts' content, laughing, giggling, excited, and yes, empowered, since we knew something was truly shifting in our lives, as we announced it was...

Having burned the last of winter and released its lingering weight, it was time for planting!

I opened the flax seed jar, took a handful of tiny, smooth seeds in my hand, and scattered them in the wind, calling out my gratitude. Ellah didn't need an invitation. She took the jar and went for it. Passing the flax seeds from one to the other, we went all around our front and back yards, scattering them wildly everywhere, naming out loud what we are grateful for, what we are planting, what we wish to harvest.

When we came almost full circle, we were amazed to see a single, blue, flax flower, on a thin stem, growing in our front yard. I was speechless for a moment, and then realized, in my adult's left-brain, that this must be one of the first flax seeds to grow from last year's scattering. Ellah, though, announced categorically: "They grew, Mom! It's magic!" And there was no way I was going to dispute this.

Our consciousness was certainly not the same by the end of this magical morning. I felt lighter, springier, and much more motivated to tackle the tasks on my plate. Ellah was impacted, I'm sure, in more ways then I could know.

We created magic by changing our inner winter-consciousness into spring. The mechanical change of clocks stands in stark contrast. Better known as 'Spring Forward' -- it does anything but... The changing of clocks is an external act, which typically leaves us disoriented and out of sync for days, if not weeks.

Changing consciousness at will, by creating an outer representation of what we wish to transform, is an internal act, which reverberates in our body, heart, and spirit. Creating it together with a child is doubly rewarding.

When you next want to explain something to your young one, think of how you could do it magically. How would you create an act that is meaningful to you? Forget explanations. Modeling will do the job better than any words you may come up with!

Teaching Your Children to Treat Others With Respect and Dignity

2010-11-07T11:29:00.000-08:00

The only way to teach your children to treat others with respect and dignity is to have them be treated that way. The early years of a child's life is when he learns about the world and how to get along with others.

Parents play a very important role when it comes to teaching children how to form healthy relationships with their peers. This social competence allows children to express their feelings better, empathize with others, and be cooperative and generous in general.

The best way to teach children this lesson is by modeling this behavior to them. For example, using the word "please" or lending a helping hand to those in need is essentially teaching them how you'd like them to act.

Have your children assist you with daily tasks. Whenever they willingly offer to help, accept it. Make it a point to praise your child's behavior, and help them realize how emotionally fulfilling it is to help other people out.

Socially competent children display a strong sense of self worth and importance. In essence, a child who feels good about himself finds it easy to treat others in a positive and helpful manner.

Encourage acts of generosity through simple things such as sharing and cooperation. Let your child know once it is someone else's turn to play with a toy or go on a swing. Then, praise your child for being able to recognize the need to give way to others. Don't forget to thank them for being polite and respectful as well as for sharing and being cooperative.

Based on their own experience, children know that words are very powerful. Name-calling and teasing can immensely affect other people's feelings. Children always want to be treated fairly. The only problem is that they don't always know how to treat others the same way.

The most effective way to teach your child the concept of fairness is to explain a rule to him, and point out the fact that it not only applies to him, but to others as well.

Child Bitten by a Pet Animal - How to Deal With It

2010-11-05T06:09:00.000-07:00

Most often than not children enjoy touching other people's pets and, before they do, they should ask the owner for their permission before going ahead and doing so.

Addition, teaching them how they can avoid a dog's bite and how to avoid getting hurt by any animal is also a good idea.

However, although an owner would have given his/her permission, the animals has a mind of their own and the animal may not be too happy at being touched, or for one reason or another, it might, scratch or bite them.

Therefore, if your child has been hurt in any way providing that it is not severe, you can treat it this way.

Vaccination

Find out from the owner if the pet is up to date with its vaccinations. If it is, then you do not have to worry about getting a rabies shot. If it is not up to date or if are not comfortable with the answer, you can take the child to the emergency room.

Bleeding

Allow the area to bleed a little so that it can take out with it whatever particles came with the injury and it works, as it's own cleaning agent.

Soap and Water

After allowing it to bleed for a little bit, wash the wound with only soap and water. Yes, only soap and water and not alcohol or iodine. You can run it under the pipe and afterwards you can pat-dry it before putting a Band Aid on it.

Sometimes infection could hide under the skin and as it heals, it will show up, therefore, keeping an eye on it for a bit, is advisable.

Reminder

Depending on the laws where you are, remind or inform the owner of the animal that the pet has to be observer for at least ten day by a veterinarian. This is to ensure that it does not have rabies.

If the bite has left your child with numbness in the area bitten area, additionally, if the bite or scratch looks as though it need stitches, then do not hesitate to get some medical help for your young one.

After the young one has been taken care of, he/she may be more than happy to play with another animal. However, if he/she is now scared of animals, it is not a good idea to nurture this fear. Do whatever you can to get him/her to over came this feeling and be once more, their usual self.

Protecting Your Children From Online Predators

2010-11-02T23:48:00.000-07:00

We've heard about online predators before, and we know that there are things we can do to protect our children from them. But have we really taken the time to look into those things?

Two of our children use the internet everyday. In this article, I'll be sharing some rules that we use with our children, to help you protect your own children while surfing the net.

First of all, make sure that an adult approves adding an email address. Make sure that your children do not send emails to strangers, or subscribe to emails on unfamiliar websites. You don't want junk mail flooding your children's inbox. There's a big possibility that junk mail can contain information you don't want your children seeing, as well as links to inappropriate websites.

It would also help to keep the computer in a place where you can keep an eye on your child while he or she is using it. It's harder to track what sites your kids visit when they use the computer in their rooms. These days, it's easy for children to gain access to all kinds of websites, even the ones that they're not supposed to see. Just to make sure, you can check the internet history of the computer after your child uses it.

If you still feel the need to double check, you can check your child's email account. There you will be able to screen the emails that have been sent or deleted.

Come up with a list of favorites for the websites that they're allowed to view. If they want to check out a new website, make an effort to screen it first.

Don't allow them to search through Google or other search engines. Making sure that they stick to the websites you've approved makes their internet experience safer.

Following these suggestions will help ensure your child's safety while surfing the net. The world our kids live in today is definitely different from ours. It's always helpful to go the extra mile to make sure that they're safe.

Tips on How to Get Our Children Out of Bed

2010-10-31T17:28:00.000-07:00

Sometime it can be a bit difficult to get our children out of bed in the morning and when they are finally up, they look as though they did not sleep throughout the night. This is not good because it will affect their concentration at school. Indeed, they may be so sleepy that this is all they can think about and at the end of the day, they cannot say to you what they had learned that day.

The following tips will be helpful in making sure that they have enough rest during the night and when they awake, they will be more than ready for the day's activities.

A Reasonable Time

Make sure that your young ones goes to bed at a time that you and they (if of age) considers to be reasonable and he/she should always goes to bed at this time. Yes, occasionally, due to other influences such as Parent Teacher Night, this may shift a bit.

However, this should be the regular bedtime.

On the other hand though, if the time that you have set is a bit too late, you will have to change it to an earlier time. You will be able to evaluate it in about a week or two. However, you must take into consideration everything that they do after school.

Babies

If there is a baby in the home, make sure as much as possible that the other children are not disturbed during the night. You can pull the bedroom door in and leave it ajar only slightly.

After School Activities

Always make sure that your children are not involved in too many after school activities. Sometimes children will not say to us, when they have had enough because they do not want to disappoint us. Therefore, they will keep going and going until one day it is too much for them.

This is why it is so important that we pay close attention to them, so that we will be able to see what they are saying to us and what they are not saying to us.

One child may be able to handle five after school activities without any problems. The next child may not, he/she may only be able to handle two after school activities and if this is the case we should not be forcing him/her to reach five. At least, not now and as time goes by, maybe he/she will be able to handle more.

How Open is Open Adoption?

2010-10-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

I think something's missing from the collective "openness in adoption" discussion, and I think it's something we can't afford to miss. It's this: before it's anything else, openness is a state of mind.

True openness is acknowledging and respecting the whole of the adoption experience. It's inviting in the entirety of adoption and really meaning it.

For adoptive parents it means so much more than pictures and letters and annual visits with birth family.

It means not just listening, but being genuinely interested in what your adopted child has to say about adoption.

It means believing that your child's experience is (and will always be) different than yours, and accepting that even though you love them, even though they love you, even though they wouldn't want any parents other than you, they have lost people, places and things that matter.

For some adoptive parents, it means accepting that even though you love them, they may not love you the same way, and they may want parents other than you, and as difficult as that is for you, they don't "owe" you anything anymore than biological children "owe" their parents anything. Really not.

It means embracing your child as who they are and celebrating everyone and everything that shapes them - your personal feelings aside.

It means showing (not just telling) your child from day 1 that family is a safe place. It means showing (not just telling) your child how how to explore deep, confusing feelings without falling apart. It means showing (not just telling) your child that you're not threatened by their feelings for anyone else.

It means encouraging your child to think and feel whatever, whenever, however they need to as long as it's not destructive.

It means being mature enough to understand that whatever thoughts, feelings, wishes, fantasies, and experiences there are between your child and their birth family is about them, not you.

It means wanting more than anything for your child to live fully and authentically and always with the certainty of being loved.

It means seeking out other voices - other adoptive parents, adoptees, birth mothers, birth fathers, birth family - and really listening to what they have to say, especially if it's uncomfortable or painful. It means being secure enough to thoughtfully consider their perspective without scurrying into the emotional safety zone of "Oh, that's not going to happen to my child." or "Well, they're just that group of bitter, victims-by-choice."

It means accepting that at some point your precious darling child may self-identify as a bastard.

It means never taking responsibility for your child's feelings and never expecting them to take responsibility for yours.

It means having the confidence that children need their parents to have. It means being very clear about your role as Mom or Dad and very clear about the permanence of your family, because sometimes your child won't be, and if you're not either, it's going to freak them out and do some serious damage.

It means recognizing that everyone experiences life differently. Everyone experiences adoption differently. Everyone experiences parenthood differently. It means getting very comfortable with the fact that you don't speak for anyone but yourself. No one does.

Which is why after thinking a lot about what an open state of mind means for adoptees or birth families, I conclude that I really haven't a clue. I only know what it means to me.

Child's Play - Throw Away the Toy and Keep the Box

2010-10-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

How many times have you seen the scenario where a baby or toddler receives an educational toy as a gift and the box is more exciting to them than the toy? Do you know why that happens?

Babies and toddlers love creative play. This is how they learn and develop the skills they need to survive and prosper. A toy that offers little use of the imagination will not hold your baby's attention for long. Once the challenge of learning the skill the toy offers is gone, the baby will want a new challenge. This is instinctive and normal.

A truly educational toy will encourage creative play and imaginative thinking. These toys are classic and will offer years of entertainment value to your child while at the same time allowing your baby to develop the motor and cognitive skills they need to reach their milestones of normal growth and development.

A simple box is a good example of such a toy. As a young baby, they may spend hours putting something in the box and taking it out again. This is helping them develop some of the spacial skills, manual dexterity and creativity they will need to go on to the next stage of development.

A toddler may use the same box to imagine a little house for their toys, a garage for their cars, etc. Their imaginations are allowed free reign to create all kinds of scenarios and situations through the use of pretending. While your child is pretending, they are actually working out problems, processing things they have learned and developing their creative mind.

There are educational toys that stand the test of time and will give your child years and years of creative play and entertainment. Things like playhouses, play kitchens, ride on toys, dress up costumes, etc. will never go out of style and will help your child develop physically and mentally into prosperous little individuals.

Instead of buying the next best electronic gadget for your child every year, invest in your child's future. You will get much more value for your money with an educational toy that never goes out of style, gives hours and hours of entertainment value for several years and encourages both physical and creative play.

Tips For Children - How to Stay Safe When Alone at Home

2010-10-25T22:26:00.000-07:00

In our society as with many other societies we have homes that are made up of only one parent and because of this, this parent is the one who supports the family financially. Additionally, we are living in a time where both parents have been working away from the home.

As a result of the two facts mentioned above and due to many other reasons, our children may find themselves at home, alone, for a little while after school. If this is the case with your family, there are a few things that you can encourage your child to observe so as to remain safe until you return home. Some of the things are

Knock On The Door

This is an age old one, but it is always worth mentioning and it is, when they are at home, they are not allowed to open the door and when you are there, they should ask you first, before opening it. Additionally, after they are inside the house, they should double check to be sure that they have locked it. Kidnapping is a very serious matter that no parent should have to face it.

Music

They should keep the music level to a certain level, that is, not too hard for others to conclude that a child is alone at home.

Telephone And Computer

When the telephone rings, although they are allowed to answer it, they should not give out any information about any member of the family. If a stranger call, they are to say, sorry, wrong number and then put down the receiver.

As for the computer, if they are not allowed to use it, except for their homework assignments, then at no time should they give out information about the family, which includes them, to anyone, while using it.

Blocked Programmed

Don't forget to block some of the television program.

Friends

Remind them that they are not allowed to bring over their friends because there will be no adult supervision within the home. Additionally, to take it a bit further, encourage them not to mention it to anyone outside the immediate family and friends. That is, they should not tell anyone that they are the only ones who will be at home for a little while.

You Choose

Since you know the behavior and the age of your own children, some of the suggestions may and may not apply to them. Nevertheless, it is all about keeping our loved one safe.

Keeping Your Child From Getting Sick

2010-10-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

As parents, we've all had days when we're obliged to stay home with our kids, who are too sick to go to school. We rearrange our schedules to fit theirs, but we can't help but wonder, where might have they caught this bug?

The first thing that comes to mind is our kids' school. But then again, there are times that we still send our kids to school if it's just a slight cold or cough? It's simply a double-edged sword.

In this article, I will help you decide whether it's a good idea to keep you child home or still send them to school in such a condition.

First things first, assess how your child is feeling. If a child is feeling feverish, you should definitely let them stay home. This condition is contagious; you don't want your child spreading the sickness to other kids in school.

Out of courtesy to the other kids in school, it's only right to have your child rest it out at home. The other moms will thank you for doing so.

But if your child isn't feeling that bad, and is just suffering from a slight runny nose, giving them cold medicine and orienting them on good hygiene practices will do. Simple things like properly discarding tissue they used to blow their nose, and washing their hands right after are always good practices. You may want to place a small bottle of hand sanitizer in their bag for such cases.

Whenever they sneeze, teach them to cover their mouths or use their upper arm to block the sneeze. This will definitely help keep the germs from spreading.

Good hygiene practices can help prevent your child from getting sick or catching a cold from someone else at school. Remind them to always wash their hands after using the bathroom and also before eating. We can't always protect our children but we can teach them to do their part.

Child's Play - Are You Creating a Baby Genius Or Are You Encouraging Normal Growth and Development?

2010-10-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

As a retired nurse who worked for years with children, I am very concerned about how babies are being "taught" to be academic geniuses these days. You see, babies are born inquisitive and it is human nature for them to want to explore their environment. This is a built in mechanism that ensures our little ones will grow and develop the skills necessary to survive and prosper.

Today I am seeing the trend for parents who want to create baby geniuses because they feel it is necessary to give their child an academic edge over other children. Every toy they purchase for their "Baby Einstein" revolves around academic learning and developing cognitive skills beyond their physical years. The result can be seen all around us. We have these little academic whiz kids who are overweight, and socially inadequate.

By the time our little genius heads off to school at the tender age of three, he can count to 10, print his name and recite the alphabet. Good for you Mom and Dad! BUT he can't get along with other children and he can't climb on the playground equipment without getting hurt. He doesn't understand his environment and is fearful of social situations. He acts out and is put on Ritalin.

Did you do him any favors by developing his brain beyond his years? No. In order to have a well rounded child, you must allow him to explore, make mistakes, climb, jump, play ball and pretend. Your child must develop all of the skills necessary to not only survive but excel in today's world. Giving him skills in only one area will not give him an edge over anyone.

How many times have you met a truly remarkable child that left a lasting impression on you? Chances are this child had great interpersonal skills, was not afraid of social situations and understood the world around him. You only gain those skills through creative play, physical activity and exploring the world you live in.

So the next time you are considering purchasing an educational toy for your baby, think about his growth and development as a whole and not just developing his brain. You want the whole package for your child. A Baby Einstein will be the child sitting in the corner all by himself, and quite unremarkable.

Single Parenting - Parenting Teens and Living to Tell

2010-10-20T03:25:00.000-07:00

Parenting teens is never a picnic, but if ever a person can be tested to their limits, it's the single parent dealing with a difficult teenager. (Or, heaven help you, more than one.) Teenagers are by nature, a challenge. They are moody, inconsistent, and even devious. They test the limits in their own lives and make bad decisions. They can seem selfish, narcissistic, and even cruel. The challenge for single parents is to walk the fine line between setting firm limits and guidelines, and letting them find their way to the adults they are trying so hard to be. And, to walk it alone. Here are some great guidelines to help you stay sane through all the craziness.

What is too much, and what are you gonna do about it?

Make sure you know exactly what you consider too obnoxious to ignore...and make sure they know it too. Maybe it isn't worth making a big deal about the fact that your 15 year old, who could probably program the computers of a small country, can't get his dirty clothes from his bedroom floor into the hamper. But perhaps when it spreads to the family bathroom, its gone too far. Make it clear what your expectations are, but also make it clear the things you are willing to let them have control over. Its good for teens to realize we aren't ALWAYS the bad guy. (Don't expect them to thank you for it though!)

Also make sure its clear what the consequences are for not following your rules. I used to think contracts were a bit over the top, but I now think writing down exactly what will happen if a teen chooses not to follow the rules takes away their ability to manipulate and make you feel guilty... a teens best weapon against a single parent. For instance, if a teen comes home an hour late, the rule is that the next week they will come home two hours early. If the dirty clothes are on the bathroom floor after the teen has left for school, they clean the entire bathroom when they get home, before they can do anything else.

So figure out what battles are worth standing up for, and what you are gonna do when they step over the line. That will make it a lot easier to stand your ground and feel good about it when the inevitable occurs. Single parents don't have a partner to back them up, so they need to be more prepared with a strong response.

Seek help. Every one of you!

If you are a single parent parenting teens, you may be one of the few having no trouble. Your teen may always be respectful, always clean, honor roll, never chooses a friend you don't like, and never ever makes a bad choice. Lucky you! For the other 99% of us, we single parents need help. If you have a good relationship with the childs other parent, then that's a good place to start. If that isn't possible or wouldn't be helpful, it doesn't mean you have to go this alone. Tap into the resources around you for advice. The internet has a large number of legitimate sources offering quality parenting advice, including forums where you can talk with other parents. Friends and family are ALWAYS ready to offer their two cents! Instead of being defensive, listen with an open mind. Just because you listen to their advice does not mean you are required to take it. Read teen parenting books. Speak to a minister or a school counselor if you are having serious concerns or are just feeling lost. Just remember, in the end, you know your child. Your parenting instinct is your best guide, and while you may take bits and pieces of all the advice you seek, it will all come together in your own personal brand of parenting if you trust yourself. As a single parent, that's the hardest part.

Emphasize the positive

Remember, as hard as single parenting teens can be, its not all bad. Your teen still has a lot of great qualities that in time will help shape them into good people who will always love you. But for those days when you want to pack your bags and head for a far away beach with no forwarding address, remember these things.

*Just because they say it, doesn't mean they mean it.

*Deep down inside, that sweet kindergarten smile still exists. Wait. It will be back.

*There are gonna screw up. Repeatedly. Love em anyway.

*Don't try to "keep up with the Joneses" when it comes to your kids. There will always be someone there to make a single parent feel like they aren't doing the job they should. You know the ones... their kid has the best grades, the perfect friends, follows all the rules. The same people who would be horrified to learn your kid just got caught shoplifting a candy bar, or failed American Lit, or was busted trying a beer at a party. Realistically, these things are likely to happen to most parents, not just single parents. Don't buy into the hype. Teenagers are tough for everyone. Be your own back up, and believe in your kids, but do it in the real world.

*You will make mistakes. Some big, some small. Learn from them, admit them, make changes, and realize making mistakes does not a bad parent make. It makes you human. And that's a good thing for teens to learn as well. All you can do every day is the best you can do. Your teens can expect nothing more and deserve nothing less.

*Remember, this too shall pass. Your teen will grow up, and will eventually be thankful for all you sacrificed and all you went through to get them to adulthood in relatively one piece. Eventually. Live for that day.

If you have a teen who is truly out of control, seek professional help, and do it now. Violence, drug or alcohol addiction, eating disorders and depression/ suicide need to be dealt with today, don't wait. Sometimes the most important thing we can do as parents is the hardest. Its not a judgment on your parenting if your child needs help, it happens in all walks of life. If you need immediate help, call your primary care physician for recommendations.

10 Fast Tips For Handling Child Aggression - Ways to Stay Calm When Dealing With Aggressive Children

2010-10-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

Parenting is tough and in the end we are all human. You are under a lot of stress whenever your child expresses themselves in rebellious ways. This will be helpful for any parent faced with openly defiant kids or dealing with aggressive children.

This is no easy task and in many cases it is just plain easier said than done. Yet these little strategies can help you to keep your cool when your child is pushing those buttons. Okay, here are 10 quick tips to help you remain calm in those trying times.

1. This will sound funny but it does work wonders. Count to ten. Let the child see this while your doing it. While you are counting take slow deep breaths. Also visualize yourself as calm and overcoming this scenario with positive results.

2. Recognize that no one has any real power over you unless you let them and that it is your decision to get angry or upset. Remind yourself that the more power you give away, the less power your misbehaving child can take from you. You hold the key to your own actions and no one else.

3. Always keep a record of your progress. Make a list of times you were successful when dealing with aggressive children or behavior. Then when you believe you will falter, simply remind yourself of these good times that you have prevailed in and made the best out of a situation.

4. Remind yourself to feel good about yourself for taking responsibility for your own emotional reactions. Allow yourself the freedom of positive feelings and thoughts. This is a lot like positive affirmations only 'In the moment,' and often when you need it the most.

5. Keep telling yourself that this will not last more than a few moments. A drop in the ocean of time when you think about it. This will pass and nothing lasts forever. Also your child whether aggressive or defiant will grow up. More than likely faster than you really want them to.

6. Think about the fact that someone always has it harder than you and even you have more than likely been through worse. Keep in mind that the greater your trial the greater and more fulfilling the triumph will feel. Use this as motivation until you get there. And You Will Get There.

7. Remember never respond to aggressive behavior with aggression. This will only enforce and validate the child's behavior. Your child wants desperately to be just like you and will mirror any behavior you demonstrate. So it stands to reason that the next tip will be equally important.

8. Lead by example. You will have to practice what you preach in order to effectively guide your misbehaving child in the right direction. Always demonstrate and teach your ability to control your emotions. Always remember that the spotlight is on you. So whenever you feel tempted to yell or curse, stop and rethink that line of thought.

9. Show your child alternative methods to controlling his or her emotions. Providing methods that are more positive and more constructive. Teach them to channel their emotions through creative expression. Ask them to tell you when they are feeling angry or upset whenever possible.

10. Praise their efforts continually. Giving them a reason to want to change is often as easy as sharing positive recognition. Your child wants attention no matter what. Bad attention is better than no attention at all. Always offer your support and use positive encouragement whenever possible. All these methods combined with Positive Encouragement will help to shape your aggressive child into a more developed and controlled person.

There are ten good tips to staying calm when dealing with aggressive children. Remember that there are a number of ways that these can be adapted to your specific needs. There are as many more methods and tips as there are situations that call for them. Being creative and patient will help aid you in your progress.

You can remain calm when dealing with aggressive children and all it takes is knowing what ways to react ahead of time. You will love the positive outcome of utilizing the best information available when it comes to parenting children who are continuously misbehaving. It does not have to be so difficult and all you really need is a fresh perspective.

Empowering Your Child - A Parenting Crossroad

2010-10-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

The word "empowering" is floating around the parenting community quite a lot these days. When asked, most parents are in favor of it. When you speak to parents about educating their children about the principles of the law of attraction, most are in favor of it. Parents love the part about their children thinking positive thoughts, choosing positive actions, and being grateful for what they have in their life. However, as you go further into the meaning and purpose of children having an understanding of the law of attraction in their lives, parents tend to hesitate.

Actually letting go of control and allowing their children to make their own choices is uncomfortable to say the least. Concerns and the desire to protect them are the most common reasons. Of course the fact that the role of a parent to protect their children from physical and emotional harm in any parenting method goes without saying. On the other hand, allowing children to make choices that do not always produce successful results is necessary for them to grow and learn. Control over these kinds of situations is the area of contention.

While many of these concerns can be easily addressed, the more important point to look at is what is behind this hesitation and concern.

And that is that many parents are uneasy with relinquishing their power in their children's lives and supporting the real premise of the law of attraction which is that we all are responsible for and in control of our own lives, what happens in it, and what we experience. And yes, that includes children.

For the most part, the fear of relinquishing power that many parents feel reflects the way they were raised by their parents.

This new approach to parenting that inspires and encourages a child to follow his own path in life and create his own journey is appealing but at the same time is completely foreign to how they grew up. And so parents feel an inner tug of war taking place.

Instinctively they know to move forward in their thinking is what makes sense and what is in the best interest of their children. However, their beliefs from their own upbringing act as an anchor that holds them to "old school" ways of raising children.

"Empowering" children means teaching your children about their power in their own lives, encouraging them to be aware of it and to use it.

While it might mean they will make choices that are not necessarily in line with your preferences, it also means that they will have the skills to be confident, courageous in their convictions, enjoy a healthy self-esteem, and assume responsibility for their choices and actions.

"Empowering" children does not mean that they will no longer need parents or respect parents. Parents are still the parents. The criteria of your role is simply adjusted from being a dictator in your child's life, making all the choices and decisions for him, to being your child"s biggest supporter, best role model, and most of all their number one source of unconditional love.

As today's parents come to this crossroad in parenting, the most important thing to remember is that an empowered child will become an adult who can and will create a life he truly wants. It will be a life carved out of his own preferences and choices.

After all, isn't that what all parents from all generations have always wanted for their children?

Planning Your Parenting Road Map

2010-10-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

Parenting is a job that many of us have no real training for. The demands may be a bit overwhelming, and it is normal to feel a little lost along the way. We all want to teach our children good behaviors and social skills as well as a positive relationship with our children.

This can be achieved by sitting down with your partner and coming up with a parenting road map. Older children can also be involved in this process. You literally need to grab a pen and piece of paper and outline your behavior wants. What is your definition of a good behavior? Do you want your five year-old to pick up their toys every night? What kind of bedtime routine do you envision? How will you enforce the rules?

When you are jotting down your ideas, make sure you are writing down the behaviors you do want. It is much easier to do what we are told, rather than guess what the right action is. Making a list of the hundred or so things you do not want your child to do is counterproductive. A list of desired behaviors will give the child a goal to work towards.

Wow! Once you have it down on paper and broken up into clear directions it is so much easier to visualize for you and your child. Post the list in an area that is visible to all members of the family. The next time the child veers off your parenting road map, refer to the list as a gentle reminder about your expectations. Having a clear set of directions will make your job as a parent much easier.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

Should I Give My Child Choices?

2010-10-12T02:03:00.000-07:00

As parents, we have a set of expectations and goals in mind for our children. The problem many parents face is determining how to communicate those expectations to their children. It is easier for us and our children if we explain those behavior expectations in clear words that cannot be misconstrued to mean something else. Remember, when you are explaining your expectations to your child, it should be on a level they understand.

Sometimes, we attempt a diplomatic approach, and we will tell our kids "okay, you have this many choices." Whoa! How confusing is that? Instead of giving them a list of choices, when we already know what we would like them to do, why not give them the top two? This method can save you time and frustration as your child ponders all of their options. Your child may need a little incentive to make a quick decision. Counting down from ten is a great way to get them to decide between the two options.

Parents often resort to asking a child to do something they already know they want done. For example, you want your child to pick up their toys. If you ask them to pick up their toys, their response may be a flat out no, or they may say they will do it later. When you phrase your directions into questions, you are leaving the option open for the child to say no. Save yourself the time and frustration, and tell the child, they need to pick up their toys. It is important you use please and thank-you while you are directing the child. This teaches them to do the same when they want things.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

How Can I Help My Child Prepare For Mealtimes and Bedtimes?

2010-10-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

One of the most common struggles any parent faces is getting their child to stop doing one activity and moving on to the next. It may be getting a child to go to bed when they are told, or getting an older child to get out of bed and on their way to school. Each of these requirements needs to have some kind of transition period.

Transition periods allow the child to prepare for the next item on the day's agenda. Although things like sitting down to dinner, taking a bath or cleaning up their toys may not seem like major events, a child still needs time to change gears. An effective method that is useful for nearly all transitional phases is a ten minute warning system. Most kids under the age of eight may not actually have any real concept of time, but it is still important to let them know the schedule ahead of time.

The warning system can be you verbally telling them they have ten minutes before it is time to eat or maybe setting a timer that beeps when they have five minutes left. Just giving a ten minute warning is not enough especially for younger kids who do not realize how quickly ten minutes goes by. After you have issued the ten minute warning, remind them again at five minutes, and again at one minute if necessary.

Timing mealtimes, nap times, or bedtimes around the conclusion of their favorite television program can also be very useful. This lets the child know that once the show is over it is time to move on to the next activity on the schedule.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

What to Do When Your Child Hits Another Child

2010-10-08T13:22:00.000-07:00

Anytime a parent is faced with a child that resorts to physical violence it can be very stressful. Although it may seem like a serious, deliberate action, that is not always the case. Before you jump to any conclusions or harsh punishments, step back and look at the entire situation. The most important thing you can do is to remain calm. Do not add to the chaos of the moment by shouting or becoming physical yourself.

It may sound kind of silly, but you need to ask yourself a series of questions to help you find the root cause of the outburst. In a case that involves hitting or another violent act, it should be stopped immediately before you begin to research the bigger issue. A number of different factors may have been at work that would cause a child to react in such a way. What happened the moments before the child lashed out? Did the child possess the vocabulary needed to express their anger or frustration? How do you as a parent react in explosive situations?

Your job as the parent will be to teach your child how to handle similar situations in the future. Children still need plenty of supervision and that may help to eliminate these types of situations. A parent or other supervisor will be able to stop a situation from escalating to the physical point. Those interventions can be used to educate the child about what kind of things he or she can do in the future when they are beginning to feel hostile. If a child continues to respond with violence, it may be necessary to seek out the help of a professional.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

Authoritative Parenting - An Overview

2010-10-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

There are many different parenting styles out there and many parents strive to find the best style for them, while others go with the flow and naturally fall into different types. This article is about Authoritative parenting, an approach to parenting that seeks to set rules and guidelines that are in the best interests of their baby. Authoritative parenting is a style that provides rules and structure to a child's life. The rules give structure without being overly strict thus allowing your child to explore, test and begin to learn acceptable behavior. This type of style also allows parents to express love as it isn't a style that believes showing love and affection will undermine their control in the household.

Authoritative parenting makes it clear that the parent is in charge of the household but it does so without creating a rigid environment, as it believes in flexibility. This is because this style believes in creating structure but not so much that a child is scared of trying new things or scared of doing anything on their own. Instead of seeing bad behavior as a challenge to authority, parents see bad behavior as an opportunity to teach, encouraging children to see why their behavior is bad and what behaviors are more appropriate in different situations.

Those who use this approach believe that children benefit from this approach in several ways. These include having the confidence to try new things, having a desire to learn new things, having mental and emotional balance, having freedom to express and develop their character and also developing a loving respect for family and people in general. This parenting style is considered to take all the attractive qualities of other approaches and tends to eliminate approaches that are based on fear or negative factors.

Authoritative parenting has some pros and cons to it. This style can be difficult to maintain if a child is particularly difficult or willful. It requires a great deal of patience to be ale to maintain and adds an additional responsibility on to parents. This approach also requires periodic reviews, as one needs to factor in the growth, development and change in needs of a child. Despite these, authoritative parenting can give children the power and freedom to ask questions and voice opinions. Children also know exactly what is expected of them and responsibilities are catered to their age and development. This is a style that tries to put your child's development first.

Things to Do When Bonding With Your Kids

2010-10-04T00:41:00.000-07:00

No parent would want to have their child cooped up in their home, staring at the TV all day long. However, there may be a few exceptions. On wet and cold days, a movie marathon at home may just be the best way to keep your kids safe, warm, and happy.

Make the movie marathon day for the kids a truly planned event. Go to your local video store and let each child rent a video of their choice. Make sure to set clear ground rules.

Let them know that they can pick out the movies that they want so long as they agree to watch the movies that the others pick out as well. If you don't have any yet, pick up some snacks for them.

Don't forget to set the mood. Let the kids create their own movie theater in your very own living room. Let them use whatever furniture they may please to make themselves comfortable.

As a parent, your duties include manning the concession stand. It's okay to have some snacks but don't forget to serve some filling food as well such as sandwiches or veggie sticks. These types of food are not only healthy; they won't be that hard to clean up either once the movie marathon is over.

When children watch TV for long periods of time, their energy tends to get pent up. To release some of this energy, take breaks in between movies and do some fun activities like playing games.

You can actually play any game you want; follow the leader around the house, Simon says, or even doing jumping jacks will work. Just make sure to keep things fun.

Once the rain stops, this is when you can send the kids outside to play. If you do this every so often, you'll notice that they won't ask for TV time as much anymore.

John Deere Riding Toys Can Help Your Child Develop the Balance and Coordination He Needs to Grow

2010-10-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

When parents are looking for fun and educational toys to help their children develop and grow, riding toys are some of the best investments they can make. With all of the makes and models on the market today, some parents may wonder which ones could provide the best tools to help their children learn. The following article will provide you with some suggestions for choosing the right fit for your child.

John Deere riding toys are a very popular brand that has been trusted in many homes for years. Made to be durable and enduring just like their grown up counterparts, these toys bring joy to children ages 2 and up.

For your tiny tots, the ability to learn hand to eye coordination, balance and the need to try things out on their own are a few of the main developmental stages they will go through. Investing in a John Deere Tractor Rocker will allow them to have fun and prepare for the next stage of movement. You can watch as they learn to rock themselves back and forth when they understand just how it all works.

When your child reaches the age of 2 to 4, they are going to want to start hauling things around the backyard, building things with the tools and items they find lying around, and using their imagination in so many ways. The Peg Perego John Deere Farm Tractor and Trailer will help your child learn to maneuver with a chain driven pedal mechanism. This will prepare them for the harder task of pedaling a bike. Imagine the fun your child will have as he can ride over any terrain, help load up his trailer with leaves or mulch to help you garden, and see his smile beam as he helps out around the house, just like a big boy.

As he grows older and his balance improves, you can upgrade to the big boy bike. And not only are John Deere riding toys available for little boys but they also come in a variety of colors and sizes for the little girl in your life. These sturdy bikes come complete with training wheels that can be removed once your little one has mastered the art of balance and speed all on his own.

John Deere riding toys are not only great for development and imagination, they are a ton of fun that will help your little one build lasting memories for years to come. When looking for a toy you can trust with the safety of your little one, go with a name that has been reliable for many years. Both affordable and enduring, these are just the type of riding toy your child will love.

Child's Play - Building a Confident Child Through Physical Play

2010-09-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

"Moving is as natural to learning as breathing is to living," says early childhood expert Mimi Chenfeld. From newborn to fully grown, your child must learn many things. The majority of those skills are learned through practice, cooperative play and physical activity.

By nature, a child must move, fidget and wiggle. They are not intended to lead a sedentary lifestyle. A child's body needs to run, jump, roll and play to grow and develop normally. They need to build strength, strong bones, and coordination. It is not possible for this to happen without a great deal of physical activity and practice.

As early as 3-4 months of age, your baby will start becoming active. Learning to hold their head up, reach out to grasp toys and roll over unassisted. Without physical activity and practice, your baby would not learn these skills. The same holds true for every stage of development throughout your child's growing years.

The best way to help your child reach milestones in their physical development is to encourage activity and movement. Your child will naturally continue to try new motor skills challenges. A one year old will automatically begin learning to walk, climb and balance if given the choice. Providing the necessary tools, opportunities to practice and most importantly, your time, will speed your child through the physical challenges of life.

Backyard play equipment, bicycles and regular activities are all tools your child needs. Giving your one year old a safe environment to learn basic climbing skills, under adult supervision, is necessary for strengthening muscles, developing balance and coordination. Toddler sized playground equipment will go a long way to seeing your child, aged 12 months through 4-5 years old, develop all of the physical and motor skills they need.

Outdoor play is important. Not only will they get the necessary Vitamin D from the sunshine, they will also begin to see physical activity as an important part of being healthy. Especially if you set an example by being physically active outdoors too. Simple things like going for a family walk or bike ride after dinner, playing ball in the back yard or pushing your child on a swing set will help ingrain the need to stay active in your child's life.

As your child begins to master certain skills you will begin to hear the words "Watch me!" as he performs one physical feet or another for you. This means he is gaining confidence in his abilities. Children who are more active and more comfortable with their physical abilities are more self confident about themselves in general. They tend to attempt new challenges in life with less hesitation.

Self esteem, healthy body image and self confidence are all by-products of physical activity. Be sure you include toys and opportunities to encourage your child to stay active. Limit the types of activities that require your child to stay "still". Watching TV and playing video games should be allowed on a very time-limited basis.

The average child should be physically active at least 4-5 hours per day to maintain their health. Obviously as a parent, it is not possible for you play with them all of that time, so it is important that you give them toys or play equipment that will encourage them to be active on their own.

How to Get Your Child's Attention When They Are Watching TV

2010-09-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Do you feel like you are competing with the television for your child's attention? You are not alone. When kids are watching TV, they typically become completely engrossed in the program and tune everything else out. There are some things you can do to win the battle for your child's attention.

Many times the child is not purposely ignoring you, they just do not have the brain function to devote their attention to two separate things. It is not necessary to shout at them in an attempt to get their attention. This may startle them or cause them to go into a defensive mode, and they will not hear you anyways.

Before you attempt to talk to your child, say their name. If they do not look at you, try stepping closer and saying their name again. If they see you, that may help break the tether to the television. Once that happens, you should be able to get their attention. It may also be helpful to tap them on the shoulder. Get down to their level as well. This is a sign of respect, and they will remember this gesture in the future when they want your attention.

If none of the above help you to gain your child's attention, you may need to put the TV on mute or turn it off all together. Give your child a few seconds to switch their attention to you before you begin speaking to them. Remember to stay calm, even though the whole incident may have frustrated you a bit. It was most likely unintentional and just a typical behavior in the developing mind of a child.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

Outdoor Toys For Kids That Will Improve Their Development and Still Be Fun

2010-09-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

In this day and age, it is so easy for children to stay indoors and play with video games or watch TV, or even play on the computer. But due to this sedentary life, many children are falling behind in emotional, physical and developmental growth. Children have an innate desire to learn new things if they are both encouraged and stimulated. As a parent, finding play things such as outdoor toys for kids will allow them to have fun and improve both their fine and gross motor skills.

Children learn the best when they are able to explore and have fun. Outdoor toys for kids such as a basketball or football set is great for teaching older kids hand to eye coordination and how to play with other children as a team player or in a competitive spirit.

Outdoor toys for kids come in all forms and purposes. Children love to mimic their elders. If they see mommy or daddy outdoors playing in the garden, they will be sure to get down in the dirt with you. By buying items such as "Melissa and Doug Sunny Patch Toys" which are a wide selection of plastic gardening tools like a rake, gloves, tool caddies, and watering cans, you can help encourage your child to learn new skills. You child will learn how nature grows and benefits life. He will learn dexterity, and discipline. You could use this time for role playing, or telling stories while you teach your child about nature.

Razor Sole Skates are becoming one of the popular outdoor toys for kids of an older age. This product is not only fun, but one of the best tools for teaching balance, and coordination. These types of toys are great for teaching your child persistence and determination as well while they consistently practice to improve their performance.

The Pacific One Touch Play Tents are great for spurring your child's imagination and learning to role play with others. Set one up in the backyard and watch how your child learns to interact with his friends as they play out creative scenarios running in and around these outdoor fun houses.

While there are many outdoor toys for kids products on the market today, some popular favorites for parents of little ones who are still just learning so much, are the children's ride on toys such as the Radio Flyer Big Wheel, and the John Deere Heavy Hauler. Children will spend hours on these fun toys perfecting their coordination and balance. There is no limit to the imagination with these types of toys while children can learn to express themselves both alone or with a group of friends.

Should You Listen What Others Tell You When Raising Your Child is in Question?

2010-09-24T16:58:00.000-07:00

First thing that I would like to point to is that raising the child is the most difficult thing in the world. If you are the committed and devoted parents, you will find this out very soon after birth of your child. Everything that you do has the opposite effect from what you imagined it should be like and from what you wanted to achieve. Parents often do not know what to do any more, what is the right way to handle situations with their child so they search for some general rules. But can those rules be applied to every single child in order to achieve positive results?

When I watch movies, or listen to different stories from different people any place, any time, I always attend to try to use something from other people's experiences. However, sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. I struggle with finding the best solution for all sorts of situations and I cannot be sure that they are completely correct. But what gives us some sort of comfort is that we as parents are present in our children's lives all the time and we will stay as long as they depend on us.

It is always good to be sensible about accepting advices from other people. They do not know your child as you do. They do not know and feel what you do for your child so everything that someone tells you about your child's behavior, take with certain reserve. You are the one who decides what you will accept and what you will not because parents are the only ones who have their children's best interest in mind.

What is very important is that parents search for best solutions all the time. It is actually good to read a lot about how to raise children, how to handle different situations. As I already mentioned, others people experiences can help you big deal but only if you evaluate what can work for your child. Not one child is the same as another child so what works for one, does not apply for another.

We cannot know what life will bring tomorrow for any of us, but loving your children unconditionally and being present in their lives from birth to the day that they became independent is something that you can and should do regardless to what anyone thinks and says. Only under these circumstances, you can expect some positive outcomes.

Nursing Your Sick Child

2010-09-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

As a parent, having to deal with days when our kids have to stay home from school, sick, is inevitable. Of course, we gladly rearrange our schedules for our kids' needs, but we can't help but wonder where our kids could have caught that bug.

Initially, we're most likely to blame our kids' school. But if you think about it, how many times do we send our kids to school, even if it's just a slight cold or cough? It's really a double-edged sword.

To help you decide whether it would be a good idea to keep your kids home or send them to school in such a situation, here are a few tips:

First of all, assess how they're feeling. If they feel tired and feverish, definitely have them stay home. Fevers are a sign that your child can be contagious to others.

It always helps to be courteous to the other children at school. Your kid will thank you, and so will the other mom's of the children at school.

However, if your child is not feeling that bad, and is just suffering from a simple cold or cough, giving them some cold medicine will suffice. It would also help to teach them basic hygiene tips such as properly discarding used tissues and washing their hands regularly. It would also help to put in a small bottle of hand sanitizer in their back pack for such instances.

Train them to cover their mouths or use their upper arm to block their sneeze. This will help them avoid spreading germs.

A lot of people may not realize this, but proper hygiene can help prevent your child from getting sick or contracting diseases. Always have them wash their hands after using the restroom and before meals. We can't always protect our kids from every germ in existence, but we can teach them to do what they can for simple preventative measures.

Ride on Toy Motorcycles Offer Key Elements For Enhancing Your Child's Fine Motor Skills

2010-09-20T04:17:00.000-07:00

As children grow they want to learn and explore new things. When they can walk, they want to run. When they get mobile, they want to climb, or move fast with whatever fun thing they can find to entertain themselves with. As some toys are not as safe as others, it is a parent's job to choose a suitable riding toy for their child. The following article will discuss some available choices that have been popular with other parents.

If your child has grown out of his little 3 wheeler and is looking for a more challenging ride on toy, there are several options available. The Trademark Power Wheels Harley Davidson Battery Operated Motorcycle can be purchased for around $100 and even comes in pink for the girls.

These bikes are very realistic looking and include a start up button, a horn button, a working headlight and taillight, and can even drive up to 3 miles per hour. This cool ride on toy motorcycle even goes in reverse for those little daredevils who would like to challenge their coordination skills. These are suitable for ages 2-4 and are safer than a bicycle due to thicker wheels to support balance, and a wider base for seating which will allow your child to feel more secure while riding around.

For those little ones who are just starting out and still learning balance and coordination, there are other ride on toy motorcycles like the Step 2 Plastic Manual motorcycle. This sleek motorcycle design resembles racing models and are the perfect thing to stimulate your child's imagination while they go zipping around the yard, or down the street. At a more affordable price of $29.95, almost every child can enjoy one.

Let us not forget our little girls who would love a Little Princess motorcycle. This 3 wheeled battery operated toy features real rumbling motor sounds, forward and reverse motion driving capability, and working rear and front headlights. This delight will speed up to 2 miles per hour and can hold up to 55 pounds. This item is still affordable at $60. Let your little girl ride with the big boys on her pink shiny ride on toy motorcycle and you can rest assured that she is safe sitting on a wide base bottom with thick plastic wheels that grip the road to prevent easy skidding or sliding.

For those parents who have a little more money and are looking to build a play set in their backyard, another fun idea for ride on toy motorcycles, is the SportsPlay Motorcycle Spring Rider. This toy is made from rotomolded plastic and looks just like the real thing. It is sturdy and weatherproof, being able to withstand the elements of nature when placed in an outdoor playground area. At $550 not all parents will find it a worthwhile investment unless they are running a home day care or have many children within the 2-5 age range who would love to pretend to be race car drivers.

Potty Training in 3 Days - Can it Be Done?

2010-09-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

Parents, particularly working parents, are often looking for the quickest potty training program they can design because usually time is vitally important for parents who live a busy lifestyle. However, when I say potty training program or a program parents can design, often that is just exactly what parents do not have when starting potty training their child. If you want your child potty trained in 3 days or close as possible to 3 days, planning and following a structured program is essential.

Important components of a well structured training program should include such things as:

· Preparation

· Clear instructions and directions, knowing exactly what you are doing and why

· Getting the timing right

· Keeping your child in the lowest stress state as possible during the ups and downs of potty training

· Alternative programs running at the same time for twins or multiples

· Strategies around sleep time

· Dealing with bedwetting and resistance

· Phobias and power struggles

· How to best deliver rewards and praise

· Dealing with medical issues

Now all of this also depends on your child. All children are different and will react differently to different ideas and programs. Often it is what suits your child not what suits the parent. So when you are looking for information to assist you, make sure you have a program that is flexible and broad, offering an array of different techniques and tips for you and your child to try.

Even more important is if you are purchasing a program looking for one that offers a guarantee of results is definitely recommended. If the purchase is refundable when results are not achieved, then this can be your safety net if the program does not suit your child.

Parenting the Early Years

2010-09-16T15:36:00.000-07:00

Where to start with being a parent? Some would say that your journey as a parent begins with your first nappy/sleepless night/feed, whichever came first in yours and your child's shared adventure. Personally, I felt my journey was initiated the moment I saw those two blue lines. Suddenly, everything I did had an impact on two people. A mind blowing prospect but one I relished the thought of. From that day on I was a parent, the most challenging role I was ever going to take on, but the one that has made me the person I am. Being a mum is choc-full of mini adventures that all merge together to become one long steeplechase.

Of course, parenting is full of questions, some you ask yourself, some others ask of you, and those that your son and/or daughter expect you to have the definitive answers to. I'm going to take you on a short trip to have a peek at how I bring up my three children. We've got to the age of seven and a half, and although I don't by any means have all the answers, those areas that my beautiful children have enlightened me in leave me feeling like a semi guru on parenting in the early days. Follow me.....

WHEN YOUR TWO YEAR OLD WONT EAT.

OK, firstly, nearly all children will at some point in their childhood be picky about what passes their lips. Some will go in phases as to what they will and will not eat. Most children have certain 'NO WAY' foods too. But what to do when your youngster just plain wont eat? As a mum, you naturally want to do the best for your children at all times, this encompasses their sleep patterns, their learning, their diet. It can be very stressful when one's daughter sits and shakes her head at every meal put in front of her. I first experienced this when my newly weaned first daughter suddenly WOULD NOT open her mouth to eat. Both she and I would end up in tears, I feeling like I was failing as a mum, and she upset and exhausted. We over came this after not too long at all (though it didn't feel like it at the time). Put simply, I needed to back off and stop pressuring her, with gentle persuasion and a lot of patience, slowly she began to try little bits of meals, at just 5 months old I needed to learn to read her moods and get to know her personality. I was a new mum and it was difficult to be relaxed about such things.

Second time round, with my now middle child, weaning went smoothly. Then, without warning she became awkward with her food. She was two years old (not uncommon for a two year old to be 'terrible', I know), suddenly, although she was progressing in every other way, the only food she would eat willingly was cake. Can't blame the girl can you? But to me this was worrying, often accompanied by an upset tummy and pale skin, I worried she may have some medical issues. Of course I got her checked out by a doctor, tests were carried out and all came back clear. In the meantime I tried cajoling, rewarding, being strict, removing toys, anything to get her to have some sort of balance to her diet. But no, cakes and biscuits were the only things she could consume without getting upset. So, in the end I let her, hard though it was I let her have the sweet stuff. All my instincts told me otherwise but, as it turned out it was a phase. In hindsight, her problem with food was probably triggered by my separation from her dad which resulted in me and my children moving house. I didn't make the connection at the time because in every other way she was fine. Again, once I had ruled out the possibility of illness, all it took was patience. Patience and understanding.

WHEN SIBLINGS ARGUE.

Not an uncommon occurrence, not something that one should be overly concerned about, in fact a perfectly normal part of growing up. And yet, when it's your two shouting, crying, generally making a racket it can seem like such a huge deal. In our house we have some unwritten rules about such events, probably without either my husband or I being aware that they exist. For example; you're in the kitchen and you hear a ruckus coming from the front room, where your two 'little darlings' were peacefully watching TV just moments ago

1. Sneak up. (Sounds awful, I know, but this way you may get to see for yourself who's hurting/ annoying/ being mean to who).

2. Get down to their level. Talk calmly but with authority, ask what's happened, allow each child to speak separately.

3. Be tactile. Putting a hand on both children's arms shows that you're not taking sides.

4. Listen to both sides. Then console, scold of necessary, but explain why you are doing so.

5. Apologies. Get both children to say sorry and maybe hug to make up.

6. Distraction. Suggest a new game, or task that they can both be involved in.

7. Stay close. For a few minutes after the altercation remain in the room if possible so that they both know you're 'on duty'.

Probably the key to minimising arguments and sibling rivalry is to lead by example; be thoughtful, empathetic and be available. If, as a parent, you're there to listen, guide and discipline your offspring then they will respect you, and the other members of their family. Respect breeds consideration.

WHEN YOUR 7 YEAR OLD ASKS ABOUT CHILDBIRTH.

Over breakfast one school morning my daughter pipes up " mummy, I know that babies don't come out of your belly button.... does that mean they come out of 'your bits'?" Bless her, the workings of a child's mind are fascinating. Why on earth would she be thinking about childbirth whilst eating cereal and getting ready for school? But there it was. Keenly, she waited for my reply whilst chewing her cornflakes. Although slightly flustered, I knew that I needed to be honest. So I kept it simple "Yes darling, when a baby is born it comes out of 'your bits'". Next question "How does a baby know when to come out?". Ermmm...my little girl had her thinking head on today!..."When a baby has grown as big as it needs to be the mummy's body knows it's time for it to come out". Was that it, could I return to the washing up and she go and brush her teeth? No, she had another one for me, "does it hurt?", I didn't want to scare her but as her mum it is my job to be honest, "yes, it does....but it's worth it". "Eeek, then I'm never having any!". Hehe, conversation over, on with shoes and coats and off to school. And, if I say so myself, I think I handled that quite well, phew! So there it is, in my opinion, simple and honest answers are always best, don't give more information than they've asked for and don't be worried about being truthful, that's how your child will learn about the world around them.

Next time;

-When your 5 year old is naughty at school.

-When your baby wont settle at night.

-When your daughter is being bullied.

And many more 'tricks of the trade'. Come back soon to get a peek at how I am mummy, and still (fairly) sane!

Character Education is Everywhere

2010-09-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

Character education isn't anything new. It's recently received a formal label. However, adults have been teaching character for years. Maybe it wasn't in a formal class setting, but that doesn't matter. Parents and grandparents, teachers, coaches and anyone who interacts with kids is a teacher of character.

Anyone who helps shape a child's personality and view of life is a character educator. Do you disagree with that statement? Well, consider this. You influence the children you interact with in a number of ways, including:

1. The way you talk. Do you use a lot of foul language? If so, the children around you may pick up the same habit. You're basically showing them that it's fine to use bad language. Unless someone else shows them otherwise, they will probably start speaking the same way.

You can also influence their manner of speech. Do you use slang all the time? Do you speak proper English, Spanish or whatever language you speak? Using slang and improper forms of speech can influence children as well. Have you ever heard an older child speak who sounds like they don't understand the language? It's probably because they've picked up negative speech patterns from an adult.

2. Your behavior. Do you allow children to see you blatantly lying? Do you treat people unfairly? Any such behaviors can influence what children do. Children are heavily influenced by how adults behave. They pay more attention to what you do as opposed to what you tell them to do. If your actions contradict your words, children will pay closer attention to your actions.

3. The behavior you allow. How do you allow children to behave? Do you let them litter without telling them to clean it up? Do you allow them to run in the house? Children will think anything is fine unless you tell them otherwise.

Character education occurs all the time. Not only does it occur at home, but in schools, churches and other settings. Pay close attention to how you speak and act around children. You could possibly change a life.

5 Key Steps to Build Your Child's Self Esteem

2010-09-12T02:55:00.000-07:00

We all know, as adults, that self-esteem is important as it's a fragile thing. Indeed, in our life, we experience ups and downs in our own self-esteem because it depends on several factors. I'm here to talk to you about building your child's self-esteem. It's a very important thing, probably one of the most important things you have to bring to your child. How he feels about himself as a child will determine his behavior now and in the future.

To put some clear words on the self-esteem notion, we can say that it's about feeling capable of doing things, feeling loved, knowing we belong to a group of people, a family, that people need us, that we have a unique value and that the things we accomplish are worthwhile. Your child's self-esteem is the root of his personality and I'm glad to share with you 5 key steps to build it.

1- Pay attention and listen to what your child says. Make eye contact while he talks. React, answer, ask questions, show interest to make him feel that what he experiences has value. He'll feel important through your eyes, and that means a lot to him. Take that precious time.

2- Encourage your child. Tell him you believe in him but be careful not to put too much pressure on him. Don't seek perfection. Acknowledge the good things he does and when he fails at doing something, acknowledge the fact that he tried and the progress he made.

3- Don't compare your child to his friends or brothers and sisters. Never. Even positively. Just celebrate his uniqueness. Don't tell him he's good comparing to others, or better or nicer. He's just himself and you like him for his uniqueness. It'll help him value himself rather than trying to compete with others.

4- Show it's ok to make mistakes. Tell him we all do some, talk about your own mistakes. Make him understand his mistakes are here to help him understand things and do better next time.

5- Show him and tell him that you love him in an unconditional way. Yes, you love him no matter what. This is extremely important. Your love for your child isn't always obvious for him. Indeed, children often mistake punishments for a lack of love, especially when parents don't explain everything. To build your child's self-esteem, you have to explain that when you punish, it's because his behavior is unacceptable, not him. Never say he's a bad kid. Kiss him a lot, hug him a lot and say you love him no matter who he is, no matter what he does. It's the best thing you can do to help him build his self-esteem, make him know he has your unconditional love.

I do hope you'll apply these key steps and will seize the importance of building your child's self-esteem in every reaction you have, in every thing he does. Be coherent, constant in your love and rules. Giving tools for your child to become a responsible, loving and sensitive adult is the best thing you can do for him.

Getting Your Kids to Listen

2010-09-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

As parents we often ask ourselves, "Why isn't my child listening to me?" We seem to have the assumption that just because we say something, our child should automatically obey. Wouldn't that be nice? Well it seldom works that way. In fact, it is frequently the total opposite. We sometimes find that when we tell our child to do something, they don't do it. Or, when we ask our child not to do a particular thing, they do it anyway. Why is this? Well this happens for a number of reasons including rebellion, misunderstandings, and sometimes our children are just testing us. Whatever the cause may be, there are ways to increase the chances of our child listening to us.

Talk to your child instead of talking at them. Lectures can sometimes be discouraging. Try talking to your children about what you want them to do. Encourage your child to engage in the conversation by asking questions.

It also helps to be non-judgmental when talking with your child. Judging actually does more harm than good because it causes a feeling of shame, which sometimes leads to rebellion. There is a way to tell your child what is acceptable behavior without judging them.

Try discussing issues with your child before they come up. Talk to your child about listening at a time when everything is calm and there is no issue. Children are more likely to listen and actually remember when issues are discussed while they are in a calm mood. While you and your child are just sitting around or having fun, it would be a nice time to tell them how good it feels when they listen to you. You should also ask them how it feels when people listen to them.

Be a good example. It is important for you to listen to your child when he or she is trying to relay a message to you. This can be a verbal message or one shown through behavior. Tell them what you are getting out of the message. So they will know for sure that you understand and that you were really listening. If you pay attention to your child, they are more likely to listen to you.

Follow through. If you have established consequences and they are clear to your child, it is important to follow through. Children are very smart and they know when they can get away with things. If there is no follow through, it sends the message that they don't have to listen because there won't be a consequence.

In conclusion, we need to remember that each individual child is different. It is important that we know our child so we know what type of technique works for him or her. This is why we have to try to strengthen the bonds with our children. Having a close relationship with your child is very important. Children with distant relationships with their parents are less likely to listen to them. Children need to know that we care and that they are being heard. Once we start listening to our children, they will start listening to us.

If you are having trouble getting kids to listen to your requests there is help available.

Kids Teeth Brushing Tips

2010-09-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

It is important to educate your little ones the importance of brushing teeth from tender age. Babies can start brushing as soon as the first tooth appear.

This have to be done by a caregiver until they capable of brushing thorough brushing on their own especially for the bedtime brush. This would also include other dental products. The bedtime brush is the most important brush of the day as we have to clean the teeth completely and avoid plague build up during sleep.

However, you may still want your child to 'practice' brushing in the morning. This can help the child to apply the same strength you do for her as for bedtime brush.

Educating Your Child About Oral Health - Essential Practice

1. Reduce / avoid sweetened food like chocolates, sweets, sweet drinks and food.

2. Brush at least twice a day with a soft bristles brush. Usually children (or even adult) tend to miss out hard to reach edges. However, those will be more critical areas to pay attention to.

3. Use dental products like floss or inter dental brush from the age of 4 onwards.

4. Start on with diluted amount or mouth gargle when the child is ready. The child must also be capable of gargling and spitting because you do not want him/her to accidentally swallow any mouth gargle - even in small amount.

5. Make a dental appointment for your child every 6 months for a professional cleaning.

By the way tips:

If your child happen to drop a tooth during an accident, here is what to do:

1. Quickly recover the tooth but DO NOT rinse it with water.

2. Store it in MILK and bring child to nearest dentist for reattachment.

3. Place cotton at gums to stop bleeding.

Toddler Discipline - A Big Challenge Awaits

2010-09-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

One of life's biggest challenges is to become a parent. Parenting is a skill that you learn along the way. It's often a rocky road of ups and downs. Some people will find parenting easier than others but to be a good parent not only means to show your toddler love, it also means to teach them the differences between right and wrong. This is usually done in the form of toddler discipline. If your toddler does wrong then disciplining them tells them they have done wrong. The same if they do good, we show them that what they have done is good by rewarding them in some form.

With any challenge, especially parenting, you will have your good moments and your bad moments. Things may be going smoothly at one point, then be completely turned on its head the next.

One point that parents can struggle with is toddler discipline. This is any parent, not just new parents. One form of toddler discipline may work on one toddler but will be completely ineffective on another.

This is the challenge you face, learning what forms of discipline will work for your toddler and what will not work. It's all about trial and error.

All toddlers need discipline. Without discipline how are they to understand what is right and what is wrong? It also teaches them that they are responsible for their actions. It teaches them about what is good behavior and what is bad behavior.

One thing you need to remember when using your chosen form of discipline is that however your toddler responds to it, you should stay calm. This helps you to stay in control, and shows that you are the boss, and any temper tantrums or hissy fits your toddler may throw, you are the one that is in control.

However much you find yourself having to discipline your toddler, you should still show them love and affection, no matter how mad inside they may make you feel. Your toddler needs to know they are loved by you, and if you have a good bond then the chances are that the better behaved your toddler will be, and that makes everyone happy.

Goal Setting and the Law of Attraction For Children

2010-09-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

Do you remember when you were a kid and all things seemed possible? Being an astronaut, a ballerina, a doctor or the owner of a gas station, seemed exciting and attainable.

For most of us as we grew, reality set in. Even if our parents encouraged and supported us, there were times when most of us felt as if we were caught up in the wheel of life and were being pushed along by the masses. In the meantime dreams were taken over by worrying about bills, jobs, and the concerns about providing for a significant other or children of our own.

We learned through societal teachings, that it was selfish to pursue things that were not mainstream or that did not fit into our immediate lifestyle. Staying in a job that made you unhappy was something you did in order to be "responsible". Eventually we all hoped to make it to retirement where the grim statistics of realizing our dreams seemed significantly diminished.

The easiest time to educate someone about knowing how to attain goals, no matter what they are, is in childhood. Though the Law of Attraction and goal setting can attain "gold" for anyone at any age, children are open to this concept and learn to direct their energy toward what they wish to accomplish, very easily.

Teaching a young child to set a goal and to take steps to attain that goal may sound premature, but it is a skill when learned at an early age, that carries a child into adulthood with the tools to attain much larger and loftier goals. This could include a dream job, a dream mate, abundance in every facet of their lives, including good friends, money, good health, all things that are well within our grasp when we learn to harness our own power.

Who doesn't want these things for their child? Most of the teachings for these subjects are targeted to adults and may be a little mature for the young child or adolescent, but it is never too early to sit down with your child and talk with them about what they want. Of course there will be goals that change from week to week. But starting with short term goals, like wanting an A in English or a remote control car they saw in a hobby shop, can all be broken down into steps.

Start by listening to your child. Pick up clues from your conversations with them or hearing them speak to others. It is important that you are genuinely interested, because they will look to you for direction and support along the way, and especially if things go off track.

Find a comfortable place to sit and ask questions about what your child wants to have in their life in the next month, six months, or longer. Examine one wish at a time. Break it down into steps to make it look more attainable. If appropriate, keep a calendar where your child can see their progress or find some other way to keep track of the journey, like keeping a diary or journaling. Don't forget to record other good things that happen along the way - these are oftentimes the result of the Law of Attraction and the childs' power to manifest.

Once your child sees how much control they really have over their own desires and happiness, they will become motivated and focused on larger and more important targets. This practice will build self confidence, something we know to be priceless and something that will serve them all throughout life.

Helping a child realize their own Law of Attraction, can be the best gift you can give them, both for today and for the future. It will become habit and they will automatically and effortlessly formulate a plan when a new goal comes on the horizon.

Lessons on Effective Single Parenting - How to Raise Well Rounded Kids

2010-09-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

Whether you are a single parent by choice or by circumstance, the rules on effective single parenting basically remain the same. Any single parent should use these rules as their guide so that they can successfully raise well-rounded kids.

The first thing to know about effective single parenting is that being one doesn't mean you have to be alone. Having people to help you and a solid support group you can rely on cannot instantly diminish the feeling of loneliness but it can keep you balanced emotionally and in dire cases, financially. Your family members and closest friends can help you build an atmosphere where your children would never feel that they lack something in their lives - especially love and warmth.

Effective single parenting means separating your feelings of anger and bitterness from your children. If you are dealing with a divorce, remember that whatever happened to you are because of your life choices so do not ever put the blame on the kids. Also, be sure to give them an assurance that it's not their fault. Kids are very sensitive when facing issues such as death or divorce and your assurance will give them a sense of security.

The challenge of being a single parent means you have to deal with the financial burden of raising kids alone. Effective single parenting encourages finding financial stability while giving your kids their needs. The key here is in making your kids understand that the needs of the family come first and their wants are secondary to this priority. This doesn't mean you deprive them. Teach your kids to be frugal and learn the value of every cent that comes in. If they can't have the luxuries they want, teach them to be creative.

Every child loves their parents' dependability. Effective single parenting would tell you to be a solid rock your children can lean on. Create an atmosphere that would make them feel that they can trust you and that you will always be there to love them. Children grow better when they feel that they don't have to change themselves just to reach your possibly unrealistic expectations of them.

Many men and women have managed to raise great kids despite being single parents. If you use these tips on effective single parenting, you will find that despite being alone and despite the trials, raising your kids is still a pretty rewarding experience.

Active Listening For Parents

2010-08-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

Communicating with children is an art requiring love, understanding and imagination. Successful parents will persevere, and ensure that their children comprehend their significance in the world. Your child's feelings, views and opinions have worth, and parents must make sure they take the time, and make the effort to listen openly, patiently and respond appropriately. It takes effort to respond constructively rather than just react. We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences, but, responding constructively means being receptive to our child's feelings and emotions.

Parents must allow them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of indifference or disdain from parents. By reacting indifferently, parents send children the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid and worthless. By responding positively and enthusiastically, asking questions about why children feel the way they communicate, opens a channel of inter action that allows children to discuss their feelings further. That allows parents a better understanding of where they're coming from.

Responding imaginatively gives parents an opportunity to work out solutions or plans of action, with children, that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own. Children will also appreciate the fact that maybe you understand and appreciate how they feel. It is vital in these situations to give children full and enthusiastic attention. Put down the newspaper, stop doing dishes, turn off the television and address the situation. Make eye contact with children. Keep calm, be inquisitive, and then offer possible solutions to any problem.

Don't discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. Initial instincts may be to say something to encourage children away the crux of an issue, but this could be counter productive. Listen to children; ask questions to find out why they are feeling the way they do, and then offer possible solutions to alleviate frustration or unhappiness. Children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By listening with interest and participating with children as they talk, demonstrates to them that we care. We really want to help and contribute and that we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from.

Always be responsive, encouraging and helpful.

Factor in Your Child's Needs While Buying a Home

2010-08-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

Let us consider the psychology of a typical Indian family. Fundamentally, children are an extension of the family. In a very real sense, everything that happens within a family revolves around the requirements of its children. It therefore stands to reason that the purchase of a home should take into consideration one's child's needs, too.

"We base our sense of personal worth on what we can offer our kids," says Geetanjali Bansali, clinical psychologist and family therapist. "They are our most important ambassadors to the world at large, which is why we strive to provide them with every possible good thing - good clothes, the latest and largest toys, a good school, and so on. Providing them with the best possible home is therefore based on both selfish and selfless motives - selfish because we want them to be known as the kids of balanced, providing people, selfless because we love them and we want them to know it."

Whether a married couple has children or not while purchasing a home, or the children are still in the 'planning' stage, they should be a major point of reference. Here are some points we could take into account while choosing a residence:

Are there good schools in the vicinity?

There is no doubt about the fact that access to the best possible school is of primary importance. A housing project may offer every desirable facility - but it is seriously lacking if it does not have at least two reputable schools within easy reach.

The more progressive townships and projects have schools within the campus. The best offer the unique 'walk-to-school' facility, with all schools and related establishments within walking distance.

Is suitable and timely transport available?

This directly pertains to the problem of getting children to and from school conveniently. Many upper-grade schools now offer special transport facilities of their own, but this is not always the case. In other words, the project must be conveniently located at major public transport points. Inquire about schedules and regularity, and look for emergency backup measures such as autorickshaw stands.

Does the project feature children-oriented facilities?

Open the property brochure of any reputed builder's project - you will find points such as 'Fully Equipped Children's Park/Playground' mentioned prominently. Obviously, the Children Factor in property purchase is not a secret. Other things to look for and inquire about are nursery/crèche, babysitting and daycare facilities, a garden for family-oriented activities and the availability of facilities for a child's cultural development.

Is the clubhouse child-friendly?

If you thought that the project's clubhouse is only for adult entertainment and relaxation, think again. A clubhouse is and should be a boon to children - therefore, look for facilities like table tennis and badminton courts, a library, indoor games, regularly scheduled fun activities, etc.

Is the swimming pool safe for children?

The subject of children's safety in and around swimming pools is a vital one. Most townships and upper-crust housing projects feature swimming pools these days. This is definitely a family facility, and keeps in mind that children are fascinated with the idea of having access to a swimming pool.

Keep in mind, however, that it can also be a source of danger to your kids if the project does not offer the services of a lifeguard or pool attendant. You cannot expect to be there to supervise your children every time they want to use the pool. The poolside should also be equipped with non-slip tiles.

Does the project feature child-friendly technology?

One need not emphasize the importance of electricity backup in a home with kids. Children scare easily, and are inherently accident-prone. Sudden and prolonged power-cuts without generator backup can be a source of real trauma and even tragedy. However, this is not the only technical consideration while selecting a home these days.

Internet Connectivity - The Internet has become a universal education and entertainment tool. It was once only a requirement for 'cyber' families - however, these days children are Internet-savvy from pretty young ages. This is why inbuilt Internet connectivity has become such a rage amongst home seekers today. Aware of this, a number of projects now offer such a feature as part of the overall package.

Surveillance/Alert/Alarm Features - In a progressive residential project, home automation takes children and elderly people into special consideration. Intricate, high-tech security networks allow homeowners to watch over them at the touch of a switch or the pressing of a button, from any part of the house or even outside. Special alert features increase the safety/damage control factor. Advanced security and surveillance devices, both in-house and for the project as a whole, reduce the risk of harm to the family's kids. Where such features are available and affordable, they should be exploited.

How safe are the home's interior specifications?

Judging whether a home's internal specifications are conducive to a child's safety is important. The evaluation should be left to a mother or another concerned female representative of the family. Here is a checklist of features to watch for:

Aluminum sliding windows with grills

Kid-proof electrical outlets

Anti-skid bathroom tiles

Drinking water purification unit (such as Aqua Guard)

Is there a hospital with emergency room/pediatric unit nearby?

Accidents do happen - poisoning, choking, drowning, fractures and bruises, electrocution... children can get into a lot of trouble while exploring the world around them. There are many medical emergencies than can only be handled at a well-equipped hospital. Most property brochures make a point of mentioning the project's distance from the nearest hospital.

How safe and supportive is the neighborhood?

One should definitely keep one's child's social needs in mind while selecting a residence. If nothing else, a reputable location and project will offer a social environment suitable to our children (good neighbors) as well as a crime-free zone.

It is unlikely that you will find every above-mentioned feature in a single residence. Awareness of your child's special requirements in housing projects is still an emerging area. Many projects do, however, offer a lot of them. The point is that our homes can be highly supportive to our children if their needs are taken into consideration.

Controlling Your Children From Being Couch Potatoes

2010-08-27T00:11:00.000-07:00

One of the things most parents hate the most is having their children be couch potatoes, sitting in front of the TV all day. Many parents prefer to have their kids play outdoors, but what do you do on a rainy day? Having occasional movie marathons may not seem like a bad idea after all.

Make sure you plan well for such an event. Go to the video store and let the kids pick out the videos that they want, but don't forget to set some ground rules. Each kid can pick out any movie that he or she wants for as long as they agree to watch what others pick as well. On your way home, pick up some snacks for them to munch on while watching. Set the mood in your living room. Let the kids assemble their own movie theater by using furniture around your home that will make them comfortable.

Your role, as a parent, is to man the concession stand. Feel free to serve popcorn but don't forget to serve more filling food such as sandwiches and maybe veggie sticks. They're not only healthy, you can be sure that the kids won't make a mess with such food too.

Note that when children spend time watching TV for hours, their energy gets pent up. Take breaks in between movies and do fun activities to help them release this energy. Think of games that most kids will enjoy. You can play follow the leader around the house or you can do group exercises such as jumping jacks! Just remember to keep things fun.

As soon as the rain stops, you can let them out to play again. The good thing about having activities like this a couple of times a month is that you'll notice that they won't crave watching TV as much - a total win-win situation for both parents and children

An Ordinary Parent

2010-08-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

The longer I am a parent and the more I watch what is happening to our world in terms of violence, crime and desperation, the more I believe, as parents, we have lost the art of relying on our own instincts when it comes to bringing up our children. By this I mean, remembering how we were brought up, relying on our own values and having an understanding of what it is we really want for our children - not what the world "expects" us to want for our children. I'm not saying that a change in parenting can fix all the problems in the world, and I also know there are many socio-economic factors that come into play that can't be fixed easily. However as a fairly mainstream parent, I feel that we have lost the ability to be ordinary, which is resulting in our children growing up with over inflated expectations of what the world should be offering them.

I believe most kids are too pampered and are not being taught to tough things out and I put my hand up as being totally guilty of doing this. I am a divorced parent and have two teenage boys. I have see-sawed between disciplining and pampering my children for the last 10 years. Why do I do this? Because I feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty? Because I receive so much information about being a perfect parent and when I fail I feel guilty and pamper my children in an attempt to alleviate this guilt. I also do it because my children aren't with both parents all the time. I do it because I work long hours and can't spend as much time with them as I think I should. I suffer from "mother guilt" which I believe should be extended to be called "parent guilt" because I'm sure many dad's feel the same.

As parents, we are constantly looking for advice - affirmation we are doing the right thing. We are also looking for simple, effective ways to help us have kind, loving and obedient kids. We look for this in newspapers, magazines, parenting books and anywhere we can get a snippet of information that can guide us. I should know, I have a shelf in my bookcase dedicated to parenting books. I'm not knocking these as in times of desperation I have found solace in their pages.

I don't live in an ideal situation, I have shared care with my ex husband for the past 10 years and we don't have the same parenting values. Many experts will say this is less than ideal situation and as parents we should get our act together and put the kids first, but, hey listen to this newsflash, no one lives in an ideal situation. There are so many variants on what constitutes a family these days it is very difficult to rely on all these "experts" telling us just how we should be raising our children in their ideal world.

Here's another newsflash!! I've smacked my boys, I've yelled at them, I've said nasty things to them in the heat of the moment, I've made them feel guilty, I've ranted and raved and carried on like a fish wife. I've read books on parenting in a desperate attempt to work out why my children are so bad, and then felt incredibly guilty about the emotional scars I've now thrust upon them as a result of my bad parenting skills. What happens next is I've tried to make myself feel better and lavished them with love and material things in a pathetic attempt to alleviate the guilt. I bet any parent, particularly a mum, reading this would be nodding their heads in agreement. So often we all get caught up in this vicious circle.

Don't get me wrong, the people who write these books are well educated and their methods have been tried and proven. In an ideal world these methods probably work a treat. However in the real world, the average mum and dad work long hours, come home tired, the kids are tired from a long day at school and after school care, homework needs to be done, dinner needs to be cooked, washing, ironing, cleaning up and maybe, if they are lucky, mum and dad get to spend 5 minutes alone together at the end of the night. During this period everyone's patience is tested and arguments and defiance reign. Kids get yelled at, sometimes smacked, mums and dads can get testy with each other and at times things are said that noone means. This is real life.

I am an ordinary mum who is trying to do her best to bring up happy healthy children in a world that is becoming more complicated by the decade. Most of us were brought up with yelling and some smacking because most of our parents didn't have access to all the current material on parenting. My parents were far from perfect (oh you have no idea - that's another blog), as were many of my friends parents, but we have all turned into decent people who are trying to live our lives respecting others and trying to do the best we can.

We've all done the wrong thing at times, we've all hurt other people and we've all made bad decisions. We all have our own problems, some of us suffer depression, some of us need anger management, some of us are calm and unflappable and so on. I think we are losing sight of the fact that this is what being a human being is about. It's about living our lives - it isn't about being perfect. We are setting our kids up for a lifetime of disappointments by trying to make their childhood perfect.

I believe that if we weren't made to feel so guilty about this need to be perfect, we could get on with the job of giving these precious kids of ours an extraordinary life by being plain old ordinary parents. My ordinary wants for my children are that they stay healthy, be kind and respectful to others, find many moments of happiness, learn to deal with sadness, disappointment and pain and, most of all, know how to love and be loved. I don't care if they don't make the A Grade soccer team, or the debating team or become the dux of the school. I do care that they try their hardest, enjoy playing sport and choose a profession that suits them, be it a doctor or a taxi driver.

Let's focus more on being ordinary. I believe if more parents were made to feel good about being ordinary parents, rather than being pressured to be perfect, our kids would grow up with a more balanced perspective on life.

Angry Children - Understanding Anger

2010-08-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

Anger is a learned response - children watch very closely at the way parents handle anger. In addition, anger usually masks other emotions, which can further complicate how a child may interpret witnessing anger.

It's okay to become angry. Anger is an inevitable emotion, and must be expressed (hopefully in healthy ways), otherwise the emotion will build-up and eventually be expressed in aggressive or passive-aggressive ways. New scientific information on brain development provides parents with a special opportunity to understand how anger is processed in the brain and how to teach children to understand and manage anger in healthy ways.

Scientists have recently found using brain scans of live brains during highly emotional times, like when expressing anger, that there are amazing new insights into what's happening in a child's head during an angry exchange. Children can be taught at a very early age what's happening inside them when they get angry, how to understand it and manage it more effectively.

Repeated exposure to anger as a child has long-term impact. Most chronically angry adults were exposed to excessive amounts of destructive anger in their childhoods. Role-modeling how to express anger in healthy ways is very important for parents. A child's memory bank and the interpretations of those memories will be full of information about how the adults closest to them handle anger.

It's important for parents to learn to remain calm and find additional healthy ways to express anger.

Many parents wish to better understand and manage/control anger, but don't know where to begin. Powerful self discovery can be done in the comfort of your own home. There are online anger classes available, to allow you to work on the process in the privacy of your home.

Helping Your Children With Their Homework

2010-08-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, homework can be the last thing on our child's mind. However, you must let them know the importance of such school work as this can directly affect their grades as well as their overall performance in school.

Your child may express feelings of frustration and confusion when it comes to dealing with homework, project deadlines, and exams. But by teaching them the right organizational skills, there's no doubt that your child can become a successful student.

It is imperative that you work with your child when it comes to getting into the habit of using to do lists. Train them to use this to keep track of assignments, household chores, and reminders about what materials they need for class.

Have your child keep a small pad or notebook for listing these things. Once each task is accomplished, have them cross it off the list. Looking at a completed list will instill a strong sense of accomplishment in your child. This will also help them realize the value of prioritizing tasks.

A stable routine is also important to your child's success at school. Have your child study in the same place every night. Make sure that this location is a quiet place in your house, one where there will be very little distractions for your child. You must also make sure that all school supplies and study materials are nearby.

Have your child follow a strict routine at home when it comes to bedtime and watching television. Children with a regular bedtime come to school well-rested and well-prepared for various types of academic work.

Before your child goes to bed, have him pack his own school bag to make sure that all his assignments and materials are where they need to be. Have him prepare the clothes he'll be wearing the next day. This will cut down the time your child needs to get ready in the morning. This way you won't have to rush, and your child can avoid instances of leaving behind important things for school.

And last but not the least, encourage your child to sort through his things on a weekly basis. This helps them avoid accumulating unnecessary clutter.

ADHD Parenting - Should Parents Discipline Kids With Attention Deficit Disorder Differently?

2010-08-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

ADHD parenting presents different challenges than raising kids who do not have this disorder. While you do not want to hold your child responsible for tasks beyond his means, you don't want to enable him either or make him a victim of his disorder. In this article, you'll learn five tips for disciplining kids with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

ADHD Parenting: 5 Top Discipline Tips

First, lets talk about the word "discipline." The word comes from the Latin word "discipulus" which means "learner" or "to become a disciple of." What this means is that you should always strive to teach values, rather than punish your child.

1. Understand what your child is capable of and what is beyond his current abilities. A basic understanding of child development can help, but also take the time to learn the areas in which your child seems to struggle most. Rather than punishing him for behaving in a way that he is currently unable to, avoid situations that you know will be a set up for inappropriate behavior. Teach him what you want him to do, rather than yelling at him for what he did wrong. This distinction is subtle, but important.

2. Parenting kids with ADHD requires firm and consistent discipline. When you take away a privilege, don't give it back without having your child do something to earn it. Don't let your child negotiate his way out punishments because then he will believe that everything is negotiable. If your child is chronically disrespectful or unusually defiant, then you will need to learn some new ADHD parenting skills that are also very effective with kids who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. These are skills that your parents did not teach you. Don't wait. Do it now. Defiant behavior does not get better on its own.

3. Focus on who your child is, rather than his performance. Children who start to feel like they are only valued for doing well on homework, tests, chores and in sports are much more likely to give up or feel bad about themselves when they fail to perform to expectations. Your child's sense of self-worth should be tied to the fact that he is a whole human being, rather than how he does on a particular task. Although you may not always be able to give him an "attaboy," you can give him encouragement and ask him what he learned from the experience.

4. Don't try to be a friend, instead, take the high road and be the parent. Being a parent is tough. Sometimes you have to make hard decisions, set the limits, take away privileges or insist that your child do something that you know is in his best interests. Parents who shirk these responsibilities because they want their kids to like them, usually end up with teens who neither like nor respect them because they failed to do the tough work of being a parent.

5. Know when to say when. Some things just aren't worth fighting over. Sometimes, it is better to let it go, especially if your child has had an unusually tough day and could just be acting out due to frustration or overwhelm. That said, there are no excuses for abusive behavior. Do not let the label of "ADHD child" be an excuse for mean-spirited behavior.

ADHD parenting is a challenge, but you are up to it. In addition to following the tips in this article, make sure to take some time out for yourself to unwind and rejuvenate every day, so you'll be able to face the challenges that will inevitably come tomorrow.

Child's Play - The Magical Education in Make Believe

2010-08-17T16:29:00.000-07:00

In order to learn, your child needs to play. It has been scientifically proven that advancements in academic skills is directly related to the amount of creative play a child is allowed to do. Your child's memory, language skills, social skills, mechanical skills and problem solving skills are all dependent on how much time your child spends playing "pretend".

The sad thing is that today's parents put more focus on academic skills which has directly the opposite effect in creating intelligent children. By allowing your child to play make-believe, you are encouraging your child to develop the skills necessary to grow your child's brain power. You may not think that having your little one create a superman costume from a towel for a cape and a superman t-shirt is a learning experience, but the thought process that happens as he plans his play is the same process he will later need to plan a school science project.

Giving your toddler a ride on toy can spark their imagination to include all different scenarios and situations as well as develop motor skills. She can now drive to work, go on vacations and explore the world all within her imagination. Do not underestimate the knowledge she is gaining through creative play.

When you add in a sibling or play partner, the knowledge increases. Playing "pretend" with more than one player helps your child learn effective communication skills. He will have to explain why this playhouse is now a fire station and the ride on toy is a fire engine and how they will work together to put out a fire; and then why the playhouse is now a school and he is the teacher and his friend and toys are the students.

Playing pretend helps your children become effective negotiators, communicators and creative thinkers. Their memory develops through all of the planning and sequencing they do in their minds that directly relate to how they plan their activities.

A playhouse and a box of "dress-up" clothes can be the best educational toy you can ever give your child. Forget the electronic gadgets and "genius" toys. If you want to invest in your child's academic future, give them a playhouse and play kitchen. Your child will be head and shoulders ahead of the rest of the children who's parents are focusing on creating a genius.

3 Things Good Sports Parents Do

2010-08-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

As a Director of a 300 player program, I have had many opportunities to observe sports parents.

Good sports parents do these three things: Win, Lose or Draw.

My father would always tell me, before a contest, that he loved me "...win, lose or draw". If I had a bad performance, he would say to me, " You are my son and I love you win, lose or draw." I was not completely sure why my father said those words to me, until I began to observe how good sports parents and athletes interacted after good and bad performances. He said those words to me because that is what good sports parents do.

One way or another, good sports parents make certain their athletes know they care about them more than the result. Win, lose, or draw. Honesty is the best policy,but...you have to be positive too!

One of the most delicate reoccurring moments in youth sports is when a player and parents are re-uniting after a tough performance. You know your child. You know how they are feeling about what just happened. Your heart is in your throat. What to say? What to do? You can not fool them. They know what happened.

Be honest. Acknowledge it. Tell your child, "hey, tough time out there" or "Too bad about that last drive". Then quickly remind them of the things they did during the course of the game and/or how much they have improved. Any stranger off the street can watch your athlete and tell them what they did wrong - nothing special about pointing out the obvious. But only a good sports parent will know how much better they have become and how well they did overall.

TIP: Make a list of improvements your athlete has made in a quiet moment. The excitement of a contest can make it hard to recall them when needed.

Set the Example.

Good sports parents are awesome at showing restraint, poise and perspective when contests get exciting or if there is an emotional outcome. They are great models for their own athletes and any one who is watching. It not surprising that their athletes exhibit poise and perform well when things get tough.

In youth sports there are a lot of things to observe and make remarks about. It is sport after all, and sports are huge piece of our cultural fabric. But when it comes to youth sports, good sports parents do a great job of behaving and talking like they want their athletes to behave and talk.

TIP: If you find yourself "too" into a game, watch from further away. Distance has a way of cooling passions and sharpening perspective.

Athletes First, Winning Second.

Encouraging Your Kids to Be Cooperative to Others

2010-08-13T03:48:00.000-07:00

The most effective way to teach your child to treat others with dignity and respect is to treat them with the same attributes. Take note that the early years of a child's life is when he starts to truly learn about the world, as well as how to get along with others.

Parents play a crucial role when it comes to teaching children how to build healthy relationships. Sociable children tend to be more cooperative, generous, understanding, and more expressive with their feelings.

The most effective way to teach children this behavior is by acting as a role model to your child. With a mere gesture of saying "please" or by lending a helping hand to those in need, you are showing your child how you would like him to act.

It would also help to seek your child's help when it comes to going about daily tasks. However, if it so happens that they offer to help before you ask, accept their offer and thank them for it. Praising your child's good behavior helps him realize how good it feels inside to be able to help others.

Sociable children are ones who have a strong sense of self worth and importance. There is a direct correlation in a sense that children who feel good about themselves are more inclined to treat their peers in a positive manner.

Encourage acts of generosity through simple things like sharing and cooperation. Let your child know when it is someone else's turn with a toy or on the swing. In like manner, praise them for recognizing this need to give way to others. Essentially, thank them for being polite, respectful, and for sharing and cooperating.

Of all people, children know that words can be very powerful since name-calling and teasing are common among children. The thing is, children want to be treated fairly, but they don't always understand how to treat others the same way.

When it comes to teaching the concept of fairness to your child, explain a rule and point out that it doesn't just apply to him, but to everyone else.

Educational Traveling Games to Play With Kids

2010-08-10T21:27:00.000-07:00

These games are free, make no mess, and need no equipment. Whether you're planning an RV vacation, a long car trip, or just likely to get stuck in traffic, remember these games and they can save you having to think of something on the spot.

They're also educational: don't tell the kids, but they'll be exercising their language skills, speaking skills, memory, creativity, imagination and observation.

1) Twenty Questions

To play Twenty Questions, first choose a category, such as famous people, animals, superheroes, or whatever your children are interested in. One player chooses something that would belong in this category (e.g. Batman, if you are doing superheroes) without telling anyone else who or what has been chosen. The other players take turns to ask questions that can be answered with Yes or No, to try and guess who or what it is. Good questions might be 'Are they male / female?', or 'Can they fly?'. The winner is the person who guesses the correct answer. If nobody guesses, the player who chose the secret answer wins. This is a good game for encouraging children to develop logical thinking, as well as exercising their memory and imagination.

2) Just a Minute

In this scaled down version of the game played on radio shows, players are asked to talk about a topic for one minute, without hesitating or going off topic. If children are old enough, try adding in the rule that they can't repeat any nouns or adjectives. If the player breaks one of the rules, the other players can challenge and take over talking about the same topic, until the person who is talking at the end of the minute wins. This is a great game for developing language skills, speaking skills, creativity and memory.

3) I-Spy

To play I-Spy, the first player looks around for something that everyone would be able to see for a reasonable length of time. They say 'I Spy, with my little eye, something beginning with...' and then the first letter or sound of the name for the thing they have chosen, e.g. 'T' for tree, or maybe 'ch' for church. The other players try to guess what it is, and when someone guesses the right answer, it is their turn to choose the next thing to 'spy'. This game develops observational skills, as well as phonics for younger players.

4) Making up Stories

Start off by telling the very beginning of a story. Players take turns to tell each sentence, or even each word, using their imagination, creativity and language skills to develop the rest of the story. If they enjoy this, you could try recording the stories, or making them into books with pictures later.

5) Rhyme Time

This is a very simple word game that everyone joins in with together. Say the beginning of a sentence, and the other players have to finish it with a rhyming word, for example, 'There was a bee, who sat in a...tree.' They can then begin the next line to make a longer poem.

6) Travel Bingo

This game requires some preparation ahead of time. Look at your route and make each player a list of placenames, landmarks, or other unusual sights you expect to see along the way (unusual animals, trees, rock formations etc). Players call out when they see one of them, and cross it off their list, until the winner is the first one to see everything on their list.

The Importance of Giving Teenagers Choices

2010-08-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

Teenagers are growing, starting to think more independently and trying to be more independent. If they are not given choices, the consequences could include their not learning to make their own decisions or that they are always frustrated, angry and resistant to anything you have to say. Although it can be scary and take a little more effort upfront, giving teenagers choices when possible can be very positive for their development and actually save you, as the parent, a lot of frustration.

With that said, I want to stress that what I am saying is "give choices when possible' not "always give choices". Some things do not warrant a choice. For example - whether to attend school daily or not should not be a choice given to a teenager. However, a parent could say, "you can shower and get everything ready tonight and sleep until 6:30am or you can watching TV now and shower in the morning and get up at 6:00am." As the parent, you are not negotiating whether they attend school or not but you are giving them some control over what time they will get up for school.

This can take some thought and creativity but can be very powerful for teens. Ultimately, you will give them more of a sense of control while still having clear parameters about what you will and will not tolerate. I recently worked with a mother who was having almost daily battles with her teenage son about doing his homework. What was not negotiable was that he does his homework - it had to get done each night. However, this mother was able to give her son choices about when he did his homework which took a lot of the pressure off her and gave him more control. What this mother did was tell him he could do his homework right after school while having a snack or he could spend time with his friends after school until dinner time and do his homework after dinner but that there would be no TV, video games or phone after dinner until his homework was done. (This mother had also already established that if she got a report from teachers that her sons homework was not being done and turned in then he would lose all TV privileges for two weeks which was a really serious consequence for her son).

Tips for Parents:

1. Think about the things that you feel you constantly argue or "power struggle" with your teenager about (often times this is: what time to turn off the computer / phone at night, curfew, homework, waking up in the morning or helping out around the house).

2. Think about what things are NOT negotiable (and there should be things that are not negotiable!) and think about the areas where you can give them choices.

3. Be clear about what choices you can give them (and make sure they feel they are true choices on some level) and also be clear about what the consequences will be if they do not follow through. So...in the example above - not doing homework was not an option and there were clear consequences for failure to do homework, however, this mother was able to give choices in the "process" of doing the homework.

This is not always an easy thing to do and takes some thought. If you feel your teenager is putting you on the spot about something, tell them you need a little while to think about it and then take the time to review the steps above. Again, when done effectively it will take the pressure off you and also teach your teenager some valuable decision making skills.

Teenage Bedwetting

2010-08-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

A teenage topic that is rarely discussed openly is that of bedwetting or nocturnal enuresis. There are teens who still wet their beds and parents who worry about this with good reason, however, there is little discussion about this topic. Why is this? Likely because there is a degree of shame associated with this topic which makes people uncomfortable discussing it or asking questions about it. Teenagers often try to hide their soiled sheets or pretend that there is not an issue, making it difficult for parents to address. Despite this, it is important that this issue is addressed as it could be a serious matter. Below are some things to consider and steps you may want to take to address this issue.

1. Get medical attention. It is always the best first step to have your child seen by a doctor who can assess if there is a legitimate medical reason why your child is wetting the bed. If there is, then they can review the treatment options with you which will hopefully cease the bed wetting. You should ask that they do a urine analysis to rule out diabetes, infection or other such medical conditions. If there is not a medical condition causing the bedwetting then there are other things to consider.

2. Assess for any trauma. A common symptom of trauma (being physically or sexually abused or even just witnessing something bad such as domestic violence) is bed wetting. Often times when children have experienced a traumatic event or significant stress, particularly sexual abuse, bedwetting occurs. If you have any suspicion that your child has been the victim of trauma you should seek professional help as soon as possible from a licensed therapist. This therapist can offer support to both yourself and your child and help your child heal from their trauma.

3. Genetics. If a teen's parents had issues with bedwetting, it is much more likely that they will have problems with bedwetting. This could be due to a small bladder, not producing the hormones that tell your kidneys to slow down at night or due to being an extremely deep sleeper.

If your teen is wetting the bed, it is important to get them motivated to change their behavior. Some suggestions for this are:

1. The first thing is to make sure that they are 100% responsible for changing and washing their sheets and putting new ones on their bed each time they have an accident. As the parent, this should not be your role and because they will not want to have to do this, it may increase their motivation to make some changes.

2. The second thing you can do is restrict any beverages after a certain time in the evening so that they are less likely to have to go to the bathroom during their sleeping hours.

3. A third thing you can do is set an alarm in the middle of the night that wakes them up to let them know that they have to use the bathroom, even if they do not feel like they have to go at that time.

4. Finally, have them start using a bed wetting alarm. These alarms are a form of behavioral conditioning and are placed inside an individual's underwear where you would expect the first drop of urine to be if they start wetting themselves at night. When the alarm senses wetness, it makes a sound and usually also has a tactile sensation which wakes the individual up. Over time, individuals learn to recognize the sensation of when their bladder is full before the alarm goes off.

As is stated above, bedwetting is a situation which is typically not openly discussed but which can be very problematic for teens and parents. Seeking medical evaluation and advice should always be the first intervention if you have concerns that your teenager is wetting the bed.

I Feel Like My Teenagers Friend Instead of Their Parent

2010-08-05T02:26:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I have heard from parents the phrase, "I want my teenager to feel comfortable coming to me with anything". This is great and important so that teens feel comfortable talking to their parents if they are ever in trouble or in need of advice. I do not see this as a problem at all and it certainly benefits teenagers to have the option to go to their parents with anything that may be on their mind.

Where I have seen problems is when parents do a role reversal and begin sharing too much information about themselves or their problems with their teenagers. Setting up this dynamic can be very confusing for teenagers who, even if they will never tell you, want to see their parents in an adult / protective role. When parents share too much about their own struggles, stress, love life, relationship difficulties or work problems, teens become confused about what their role is. I have seen teens try to fix their parents problems, try to "take care of business" for their parents and step into a caretaker role with their parents which is unhealthy for both teenagers and their parents. Teenagers are still growing emotionally and are not able to take on the problems of those who are supposed to be their caretakers. When parents are experiencing stress in their lives, it is important that they seek out support from other adults, a life coach or a therapist. This stress should not be placed on teenagers.

A dynamic where parents lean on their teenagers for support is more likely to occur in single parent households or in households where the marriage is not going well. In such situations, a parent does not have the other parent as a support system and therefore they will sometimes turn to their children for this purpose. It may appear as though teens can manage this and that they are not impacted by it, however, they likely are and the effects of this burden can play out immediately or in the future.

If you have already created this dynamic with your teenager, it is best to recognize it and take steps to change it. Below are some suggestions for recognizing, avoiding and changing such a situation.

1. Think about what you are talking to your teenager about. Are you talking a lot about yourself? Are you sharing information that could be upsetting to your teen or cause them to worry about you? Sometimes this happens when parents are in an emotional state. If you find yourself doing this, it may be helpful to separate yourself from your teenager, go to a place where you can relax and get your emotions in check or call an adult who you can lean on for support.

2. Use other adults in your life for support. Who are the adult family members or friends you can speak with about your problems? If you do not have any, it is important that you work to build your network of adult support. You may want to join a social organization in your community, get support from a religious organization, reach out to family or friends, confide in a coworker if appropriate or get the professional support of a life coach or therapist.

3. Think about why you are sharing information with your teen. Sometimes parents share things with their teenagers so that their teens can learn from their mistakes. While this can be effective, it is important to make sure that parents sharing information about their past mistakes is done thoughtfully. Before doing this ask yourself, "What is my purpose in sharing this information? How will this sharing of information benefit my teenager? Will sharing this information with my teenager place a burden on them or cause them to view me negatively?" Answering these questions honestly may help you determine if the information you are thinking of sharing is going to be helpful or hurtful to your teenager.

Remember that while your teenager needs to see you as a human being, they also need to see you as a support to them who is strong and who can help them with their problems. Teens need to view their parents as caretakers and not as best friends or people who need to be taken care of by their children.

Getting Teens to Do Their Homework

2010-08-02T20:05:00.000-07:00

One worry that is shared by many, many parents of teenagers (or any children for that matter) is about school and grades. Parents rightfully worry about how their child's academic performance will impact their future in terms of college opportunities or future job success. Homework is a big source of stress in the relationships of teens and their parents and can cause nightly conflicts in some households. Parents expect that homework will be done and taken seriously while many teenagers would prefer to play on the computer, text their friends, watch TV or talk on the phone instead of doing their homework. Below are some tips for parents to help increase the likelihood that your teenager will get their homework done without a nightly battle with you.

1. Set your expectations about homework clearly. Let your teenager know that they are expected to do their homework nightly and be clear that you know that they have homework assigned and that you are not going to accept them telling you that they never get homework (many teens try to tell their parents that they don't regularly get homework, however, at the high school level, homework is assigned consistently so don't let them fool you into thinking otherwise!). You can always call the school to check on homework assigned and some schools also now have an online system where you can check what teachers are assigning for homework or what is overdue.

2. Be involved. Show an interest in what your teen is doing in school. Check what they are working on and offer help if needed. One thing that I have heard from some parents is that they don't offer help because they don't know the subject matter and don't want their teenagers to know that they are not familiar with the material. This is okay -as the parent of a teenager you have been out of school for a while and it is normal that you will not know or remember everything your teenager is learning. What is important is that you show an interest and encourage them in their learning.

3. Have clear and consistent consequences if your teenager is not getting their homework done. As a parent, you probably have more leverage than you think to help motivate your teenager to do their homework. Think about what their distractions are or what they will work for. Generally, limiting cell phone and computer access until homework is done or grades improve is enough of a motivation for most teens! Figure out what will work for your teenager, set the clear expectation and make sure they know the consequence and then...make sure you follow through!

4. Praise your teenager. Really tune into their academic accomplishments and successes. Praise them for getting their work done, let them know you appreciate how hard they are working and validate that it is not always fun or easy. These genuine words can go a very long way with teenagers (even if they will not always let you see how much they appreciate it!)

Do Your Toddlers Bite? Guaranteed Tips to Make Them Stop

2010-08-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

Let's get one thing straight, as a parent you should know that toddlers bite. Not all, but many do. A toddler's age means experimenting is the name of the game. They will throw things just to get a reaction, they will scream to seek attention you name it, they will try it. I have a toddler who is 3 years old and I experience new behaviors daily. They are at an age where touching, biting or hitting is all part of their learning process.

Of course nobody likes to be bitten, especially from a toddler who most likely does not realize the pain their actions are causing. Toddlers bite due to many reasons and become even more amused when parents start giving them attention albeit negative attention. To a toddler getting your reaction and attention is what matters most, negative or positive. So how can we stop our toddlers from biting other kids or adults?

When your kid bites, try not to give too much attention to their behavior. Take them into a corner and explain that they must not bite. For toddlers seeing someone react equates to a source of good entertainment. So if you over react to their biting, they will continue doing it.

Let your child see you giving lot's of attention to the bitten person. Your child will immediately feel left out and regret their actions.

Time outs are a great way to make your toddler realize, they have done wrong. Use an age appropriate time out for your child. For example, if your child is 2, use a two minute time out, if 3 use a three minute time out etc.

Start praising your kids when they do something positive. As mentioned previously a toddler is learning new things everyday. If they get attention from you whilst doing something good, guess what, they will repeat it again.

Parenting Teenagers and Taking Care of Yourself

2010-07-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

I have heard countless parents of teenagers tell me that they feel overwhelmed on a daily basis and "feel drained" by their lives. They also often report that they feel guilty for feeling this way which makes them feel worse because they feel they "shouldn't" be feeling so overwhelmed. Parents in this situation often report that they are not sleeping well, that they have a short fuse, that they feel they cannot get everything done in the day that they need to, that they are not getting along with their spouses, that they never have time for themselves or even that they are using alcohol to relax in the evenings because they feel they cannot relax on their own.

The fact that I am writing this newsletter tells you that there are many parents who have this experience. Being a parent is a big, demanding commitment and being the parent of a teenager brings even more challenges with it. Parents are often juggling transporting teens, getting them up and ready for school (generally not an easy or enjoyable task), following up with school meetings, working or taking care of the home or both on top of their own day to day needs. It is easy for parents to get lost in the hustle and bustle and then realize that they never do anything for themselves and feel like others are constantly "taking from them". It is also likely that parents in this situation will become resentful at some point which is often what results in their having marital conflict or a short fuse with others. It is important that a parent in this situation, or those heading for this situation, make some changes which will reduce their overall stress. Some examples of things parents can do are listed below.

Tips for Parents:

1. Simplify your schedule. Look at a "typical" weekly schedule and identify all the standing appointments, transports, games, meeting, etc that you have to do. Then look to see if any can be combined, eliminated, or shared with someone else. After you have done this, try to book other appointments that come up in a way that makes sense and minimizes the amount of time or days you are driving around from appointment to appointment.

2. Simplify your household tasks. Look at all the household responsibilities you take care of each week and identify if any can be reduced. For example: are there areas of the house that really don't need thorough cleaning on a regular basis, can your teens pick up one or two things to reduce the time you spend on cleaning or laundry, can you use a grocery delivery service, which often times are not more expensive, to eliminate trips to the store?

3. Simplify Dinners. Cook enough so you can have leftovers or by make easier meals that will save you time. Think about if there is a way to make the dinner process quicker and easier.

4. Remember that sometimes you should say "no". If your teenager is always asking you to do things at the last minute or is putting you on the spot in front of their friends to give them rides it is absolutely appropriate for you to tell them "no" and that they need to be more plan-ful about such things.

5. Make time for yourself a priority. Figure out one thing you can do each week that is just for you. Whether it is taking an exercise class, going golfing or to a lesson of some sort, taking a long bath, going for a walk, going to the library or any other activity that you find enjoying - the point is that you make it a priority. Schedule it in so that nothing else can be scheduled on top of it and so that the time you put aside is truly your time.

You should not feel guilty for setting limits on your time or for scheduling time for yourself. You need to be able to relax and enjoy things for yourself. Doing this will ultimately make you more available and helpful to the others who depend on you.

Part-Time Parenting With a Full Time Heart - Teaching Your Child the Art of Negotiating

2010-07-28T01:04:00.000-07:00

As I was cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast this morning, my son came into the room to hand me another plate he found tidying up the living room. I thanked him and then as he was walking away I asked him if he had brushed his teeth yet. "No, not yet" was his answer, but he didn't stop there. He glanced over his shoulder at me and finished with "during the next advertisement, I will" then promptly went back in the living room to finish his Scooby Doo movie. I listened to the program to see when the advertisement would start and sure enough he went and brushed his teeth at the start of it. Now...he has figured out how to negotiate!

Long ago I was taught by my mother, that the only time you should say "no" to your child is if what they want or want to do is going to hurt/kill themselves, harm/kill someone else, is morally wrong or illegal then you should say no. Other than that before you say "no" you need to think why you are saying no, because they deserve to know the reason. In today's world, I have found that too many people just say "no" to their children, not really thinking about why they are saying no. It has just become a habit to say it. I feel this is one of the main reasons that children have such animosity towards their parent/s and are running a muck among us, too many "no's" without thought because it is easier than reasoning, teaching and negotiating with the children. I have chosen to raise my son using negotiations and reasoning to build towards a stronger more stable relationship.

He has never tried sticking forks in plug-ins because I explained what would happen, then we did an electric current experiment with a potato. He has only wanted to touch the top of a stove once and I said "If you do that, you will burn yourself" He asked "warum?" German for why, being about 2 yrs old at the time, he was curious. So I told him that I had just turned the burner off and it was still hot, I showed him the potatoes and steam coming from them, I then allowed him to put his hand over the steam and he said "Heiss" German for hot. I said "that is right and the stove is hotter than the steam. He left the kitchen and said "ok" never bothering to go near the stove again.

That is when it dawned on me, that children, no matter how young they are, understand more than what we have been led to believe. So with that idea in mind, I started to negotiate and rationalize things with my son, even at the age of 2. If he wants something, or to go somewhere, or do something, we talk about it and discuss the pros and cons. He comes up with the reasons why he should have, do or go and I talk to him about my concerns. More times then not, he decides not to have, go or do, but if he still does want, we then negotiate.

Being a part-time parent, I figure this is one of the best things I can teach him while he lives with his father. His father is Swiss/German enough said, and I don't want my son growing up angry and hating his father or his Swiss/German heritage. His father loves to negotiate and make deals....so this is a great tool for my son to have and he is being taught to do this through love. Next time your child/ren come(s) to you wanting something and before you say "no" think about it and discuss it. I think you will be surprised that after that discussion your child might not want it, go or do what they thought they did in the first place.

Tips on Helping Your Child Develop His Self-Esteem

2010-07-25T18:43:00.000-07:00

Being a parent is challenging. New babies don't come with a manual. It is our responsibility to do the best job of care giving that we are capable of. And it is a big responsibility! A child is born with a clean mind. He is programmed by the people who surround him. His level of self-esteem is dependent on how his parents and primary care givers behave to each other, to his siblings and to him. It's that important!

Here are a few tips to help your child to grow up healthy, happy and secure:

* Be aware that the most important thing you can do for your child is to treat them always with respect and understanding. They are learning all the time. We can give them boundaries (which they need) without taking away their self-respect.

* Listen to them when they have something to say.

* Encourage them when they are learning something new or have done a project.

* Include them in family decisions that effect them. They are equal to us in rights. They are just small people.

* Teach them how to tell the truth about what is going on for them. Teach the family how to communicate so that everyone gets a chance to express himself.

* When they have done something against the house rules, let them know it and try to find the natural or logical consequence of it. There is always a consequence of an action, and it usually works well as the punishment.

* Always let them know you love them no matter what. Their actions are separate from who they are. (a wrong action does not make a bad person )

* Allow them to express themselves and explore the things that they are interested in. A child genius must not go unnoticed.

* Try not to let the stress of life impact them. As an adult, you have a responsibility to make sure that your family is provided for. In all of that, let's not forget the children's emotional needs.

* Again, remember that the level of a child's self-esteem influences all of his thoughts, feelings, actions and results for the rest of his life. Be gentle and generous with your love.

For more information on children's self-esteem, go to my website at...

http://www.self-esteem-the-simple-truth.com

Kids = Chaos - What You Need to Do to Save Your Sanity

2010-07-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

Your kids yell, fight, scream, taunt, play, make funny noises, talk, and complain all day long without any vacations. You try to remain calm and tuck your anger and frustrations under the rug along with the bits of dust from the day, but it happens anyway. You end up yelling at the top of your lungs and your kids chime in. Eventually, you all sound like a chorus line from a poorly rehearsed school play. While occasionally it's okay to vent to your children to let them know you're still alive, this isn't the most laid-back route to take. There are several things you can do to keep your cool by avoiding these types of situations altogether.

Teach Them to Be Independent

While this is easier said than done, it is by far the best way to allow yourself the free time you need to de-stress, chill out, and handle your kids in a more reassuring manner. It takes time to do this properly though. Some things kids just aren't able to do until they've reached a certain age, don't let that slow you down. Start early for the best results because once they've become overly dependent on you, you can kiss your free time goodbye.

Start Early with Etiquette Training

No one appreciates a kid who talks back, speaks while their talking, and have never heard of the word please or thank you. These kids somehow think they are entitled to everything everyone has and that they shouldn't have to be bothered with asking. This is not only a bad look for your kids, but it's a bad look for you too. It tells others that you don't care what your kids do or how they treat people (and I know you do). This is especially true of people who don't have kids. Get them prepared to deal with society and you can enjoy spending more time together outside of the house. Plus, you'll be able to trust them to behave when you're not around. Can somebody say "stay at Grandma's for the night"?

Get Your Kids Used to a Routine

Kids like structure. I'm sure you've heard this hundreds of times. Routines make them feel safe because they know what to expect. Routines also let you enjoy the freedom from stressed out kids who don't want to get ready for bed, do their homework, or take a bath. If you set up a basic schedule for them to follow, they will know exactly what to expect at exactly the time you want it to happen. This also allows you to do things at the spur of the moment and then easily put your child right back on track with the next scheduled event on their schedule.

These are the very simple basic components of having peace in your home, especially if you have more than one child. Start with these, and you'll be well on your way to enjoying the fun parts of growing up.

Have you tried any of these things with your own kids? How is it working out for you? Is there anything that you would add to the list that would make your kids easier to deal with?

Holocaust Days of Remembrance - Bullying, And the Role of the Bystander

2010-07-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

While International Holocaust Remembrance Day was observed this year on January 27th to mark the liberation of Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp, these Holocaust Days of Remembrance, April 11th through the 18th, commemorate the anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising.

Despite such observances and these 65 intervening years, perpetrators everywhere continue to intimidate and inflict harm, while the majority of us stand by-looking on, doing nothing, saying nothing.

Even in our schools.

That is why we must be ever mindful of the many lessons of the Holocaust, teaching them to our children at home, just as is being done in schools across the country where our young people examine Hitler's rise to power and his Nazi regime.

They learn, too, about the perpetrators-the bullies-who inflicted grave harm on millions of innocent victims, the brave souls who risked their lives to rescue their Jewish neighbors, and the all-too-many bystanders who shut their eyes and carried on, enablers of evil.

Then, after reading such books as The Diary of Anne Frank, they are visited by such Holocaust survivors as Anne Fox and Lila Perl, whose unforgettable stories leave a lasting impression.

These experiences carry special significance given such headlines as USA Today's recent, "A 'watershed' case in school bullying?"

The teen in question was Massachusetts' South Hadley High School freshman Phoebe Prince who killed herself after months of being bullied-both in-her-face and electronically-by two boys and seven girls, now criminally charged.

As Rick Hampson points out in that article, today's bully is no longer the easy-to-identify "swaggering schoolyard lout, low on self-esteem, quick to lash out..." Instead he goes on to write, "Now the perpetrators are attractive, athletic, and academically accomplished-and comfortable enough around adults to know what they can and can't get away with, in school and online."

Meanwhile, in a Youth Voice Project survey of more than 2,000 fifth through twelfth graders, 22% admitted they'd been mistreated at least twice a month. Of those, 54% said they'd experienced moderate, severe, or very severe trauma.

Only 42% of these victimized kids confided in an adult at school, while 58% told someone at home.

So teach your children well to do right and speak up when witnessing injustice. Says Wired Safety executive director Parry Aftab, "Bystanders can play a significant role in bringing about change."

Start by asking your child if s/he has ever stood by as a classmate was mistreated. Here's how several middle schoolers responded to that question:

"There was a group of kids calling a boy names, and I just watched."

"I watched a kid punch a kid, and I just walked away."

"When I see kids being left out or picked on, sometimes I just watch."

"In the hall, someone got their books hit out of their hands, and I just walked by."

Bystanders all.

Therein lies the deep lesson of the Holocaust: if only good people had spoken out and acted against the perpetrators, it might never have taken place.

So keep the conversations going, teaching your child to be bold enough to stand up for what is right, instead of allowing others to be victimized. They don't have to go it alone; all they need do is confide in a trusted teacher or school administrator-and you.

To learn more, read such books as Michael Berenbaum's The World Must Know-and visit an area Holocaust museum, such as the Museum of Jewish Heritage in New York and the Holocaust Museum Houston.

Then add the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington D.C. to your to-do list. It is a life-changing experience that will keep you and your family from ever forgetting the lessons of the Holocaust and the bystanders who enabled this terrible crime against humanity.

As 18th century statesman, author, and philosopher Edumud Burke reminds us: "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

It is time for all of us to take action, hindering bullies wherever they may be lurking.

Tips on How to Get Your Child to Lower Their Voices

2010-07-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

Parents often struggle to teach their child to lower their voices or to refrain from yelling. When a child is constantly yelling or screaming it can wreak havoc on a parent's nerves. A parent might shout at the child to stop yelling! Well, when you stop and reread that sentence it does sound kind of silly. What kind of example is that setting for the child?

When a person raises their voice, they usually do so because they do not feel like their audience understands them or is not giving them the attention they are asking for. This scenario can be compared to a child yelling at an adult when they want a specific toy. Is it possible the child does not know the name of the toy? This type of situation can be resolved by calmly educating the child about how to request a specific object. Ask them to repeat their request with their newly learned words and the proper voice tone.

If the child begins to shout because they are angry or frustrated, do not respond in the same fashion. Keep your tone calm. Do not give in to their yelling technique. This teaches them that the yelling works, and if they want something in the future they will resort to the same tactics.

Children brought up in a home where there is a lot of yelling back and forth between siblings or parents are more likely to develop the same behaviors. It may even be something as innocent as yelling for the child to come downstairs. Parents can help their children learn what an acceptable voice level is by role modeling the desired volume.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?