Monday, November 29, 2010

Be a Soul Model For Your Child

at 9:15 AM 0 comments
Walk your talk.


Remember, your children are watching.

Attitudes are more easily caught than taught,

You can never, not model.

Your actions speak louder than your words.

The statements above are just a few of the ways to express the notion that it is important to be a good role model for your children. There are many more. For almost everyone agrees that children in this day and age need positive role models.

While it would be difficult to argue against the importance of being a positive role model for children, we contend that it is not enough. Children don't need role models today as much as they need soul models. Our children need people in their lives who recognize that they are in this world, but not of this world. They need adults who can move past the ego-driven control styles exhibited by so many parents today and connect with them on a soul level.

Do you feel compelled to move past the limiting notion of being a role model and purposefully expand your reach to touch souls with your children on a regular basis? Do you want to add spiritual to the physical, mental, and emotional connection you already feel with your children? If so, the strategies below will help you do that. Read through the ideas presented and see which ones resonate on a deep level for you. Pay close attention to those. Those are the ones your soul is urging you to implement.

1. Help your children turn concept into experience. Your soul knows about generosity, love, caring, etc. It understands those concepts thoroughly. The soul doesn't need any more information about these concepts. What the soul desires is to experience generosity, loving, and caring. You may have a heart filled with love, but if you do nothing loving, the soul lacks the experience of loving.

Help you children to know themselves as loving by showing them how to do loving things. Encourage their generous acts so their souls can experience generosity. Help them to be caring by demonstrating and encouraging caring acts.

2. Share your feelings. Your soul communicates through feelings. The messages it sends come from the inside, out. Trust your feelings and allow your child access to the process of naming, describing, and using feelings to help make decisions. Honor you child's feelings and help them to trust those valuable messages that are the language of the soul.

3. Protect your child from noise pollution. The soul requires quiet times. Televisions blare in living rooms with no one present. The radio goes on as soon as people enter their cars. Malls, stores, and outdoor events create a constant barrage of music. The woods are increasingly filled with four-wheelers and motor bikes. Once peaceful lakes, now contain noisy speed boats as more and more people equate fun with speed and noise.

Go for quiet walks with your children. Have quiet time in your home and automobile. Inner listening requires silence. Help your child quiet his outer world to give room for his inner world to come forth.

4. Get back to nature. Direct contact with nature is essential to healthy spiritual development, not to mention the positive effects it has on physical and mental development. In this electronic age, our children are plugged in to everything but nature. They are missing contact with the beauty and silence of the natural world. Their souls ache from the negative effects of nature-deficit disorder.

Walk in the woods, camp, or bike on a nature trail. Go to the roof of your city apartment building if necessary and watch the stars and wonder. Chase fire flies, let snow flakes melt on your face, roll down a grassy knoll. Sit on a dock and dangle your feet in the water. Ride or groom a horse. Touch nature and let it touch you back down deep in your soul. Let your children see how much you enjoy it.

5. Get out of you mind. Rational thought and analyzing are of the mind. They are components of the mind/body connection, not the soul. Go to your heart for messages from the soul. What are your heartfelt desires? All creation begins with desire. Desire is the soul urging you what to do next.

Do not limit your children's desires. Encourage them to pay attention to those urges. It is their soul moving them forward. Help them find ways to work for their desires in responsible, caring ways.

6. Help you children make BE choices as well as DO choices. Doing is the job of body. It is always engaged in doing something. We make DO choices all the time. Playing catch, reading a story, praying, and putting a puzzle together are all examples of doing.

The job of the soul is being. We can be open-minded, considerate, friendly, happy, silly, or many other sates of being. When we decide how we want to be in a given situation and then actively be that way, it affects how we do whatever it is that we are doing. Help children bring how they are being into harmony with their souls and they will experience greater satisfaction in whatever they choose to do.

7. Help children learn to focus. The soul wants to be present and to be here now. If you talk on the phone while you are doing your taxes and simultaneously watch TV, you may think you are modeling for your children the valuable skill of multi-tasking. In actuality, you are demonstrating how to give important activities partial attention by diluting your focus and not being fully present for any of them.

8. Separate the deed from the doer. Children are not their behavior. They are not their report card. They are not their table manners. They are not their anger. Those behaviors are only their behaviors in this present moment. It is not who and what they are as human beings----a child of God.

"I like you and I don't like that behavior," are the words to use and the attitude to take to separate the deed from the doer. It tells the child that it is the behavior that is inappropriate. Love remains for the child while the behavior is disliked.

9. See it all as perfect. If your child is disrespectful of her grandparent, see that as the perfect way for her to communicate to you that she needs to learn more about respect for the elderly. See it as the perfect time to teach her a lesson on showing respect.

When your child leaves his toys out, that is the perfect time for him to learn about what happens when he makes that choice. If your teen turns off the alarm and goes back to sleep, it is the perfect opportunity to allow her to experience the natural consequences of being late for school.

You can see the parenting moment that you face today as awful or you can see it as perfect. To bump souls with your child, choose to see it as perfect.

10. See you child as a teacher. Your children are in your life as much so you can learn from them as they are so they can learn from you. Be open to the lessons your children offer you and honor them for helping you learn and grow.

When you use the ideas above do not be surprised if you begin to see your child as you have not seen her before. You may begin talking to your son with language patterns you have not used previously. You may hear your children with new ears. Not to be alarmed. Those are simply the joyous sights and sounds of souls touching.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Fostering Children With ADHD

at 2:54 AM 0 comments
Fostering children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has special challenges for foster carers. Although there are three types of ADHD, the condition is generally characterised by factors including a lack of concentration, hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour.

Genetics is thought to be a partial cause of ADHD and this means that ADHD is often passed down in families. Evidence suggests that the risk of a child being diagnosed with ADHD approximately seven times higher for children with a parent or sibling with ADHD.

The effect of environmental factors on children are linked to ADHD such as families who exposure children to alcohol, cigarette smoke or drugs during pregnancy, and exposure to family violence. ADHD is a medical condition which can be diagnosed and can explain why some children behave badly.

ADHD is more common in boys and is most often noticed when a child starts school. Children tend to have difficulty concentrating, remembering instructions, paying attention and finishing tasks. Children can be fidgety and always on the go and appear to act without thinking. Children might be inattentive, hyperactive and impulsive.

ADHD is not just bad behaviour. Foster carer looking after children with ADHD will be frustrated because discipline strategies they use with other children are not as effective. Foster children with ADHD need clear boundaries, consistency and stability of care. Foster carers can help by monitoring children's food as some colourings might make the symptoms worse.

Foster children might not have had a diagnosis therefore if a foster carer is concerned about a child's behaviours professional advice should be sought having informed the child's social worker.

In therapy, children suffering from the condition learn to identify and modify certain aspects of their conduct. Common forms of ADHD behaviour management include coping skills such as learning to organise tasks in list form, breaking large tasks into smaller ones, and completing short tasks.

The second most popular method of ADHD behaviour management is medication. The most commonly prescribed stimulant medications are Ritalin, Adderall, and Dexedrine.

These medications take the form of behaviour management as they correct the chemical imbalance found in the brains of diagnosed children. Of the two methods mentioned, research suggests that medication is the more successful form of ADHD behaviour management.

If you are thinking about fostering remember that children need to really feel part of your life and the things you and your family do. Never lie to them or keep bad secrets and never moan about their family or their social worker - be positive, be honest and always aware that you have the privilege to really make a massive difference for the better in children's lives!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

6 Tricks to Make Homework With Your Child Less Painful

at 8:34 PM 0 comments
Homework: the dreaded battle you have with your child every day after school. Does this sound about right?

Many children turn homework time into an all-night battle of the wills with their parents. Consequently, homework leaves a bad taste in parents' mouths and becomes the dreaded monster that invades their homes during the school year. As a teacher and a parent, I know some tricks that will get your kids on the right track to homework success. I've used these techniques in the classroom and at home. If you use these tricks consistently and firmly with your children, you will see impressive changes in their homework work ethic.

1. Find The Right Place to Work

Every child should have a designated place to do their homework, whether this is at the kitchen table or at a designated desk in their bedroom. Wherever you choose to have them work, make sure that you minimize distractions (no TV, rowdy siblings, etc) and give them all the tools they will need (pencil, paper, etc). Once you've chosen a spot that meets these criteria, make sure your child does their homework every day in this same spot. Making it a routine is important.

2. Set Aside Time for Homework

Children thrive on routine. In addition to having a designated spot to do homework, you should also have a certain time for them to do it as well. I like to make it about thirty minutes after we come home from school. This gives them time to go to the bathroom and eat a small snack before diving into their homework. I do not recommend waiting until close to bedtime or late in the evening unless you have no other option. Also, until you get the homework routine down so it's no longer a struggle for you and your children, try your best to be home during "homework time." I know a lot of parents who will run errands, visit family and friends, do fun things with the family, and other commitments smack in the middle of homework time. You will only break your momentum and put yourself back in square one if you do this.

After a while you will have more flexibility with "homework time." For example, I took my younger son to the pediatrician after picking up my older son from school. It was in the middle of "homework time." Life, as you know, doesn't always allow you to plan around your family routines. So, off we went to the doctor's office, but my older son was so accustomed to our homework routine that he did the work in the room as his brother got checked. If this happens to you, make sure you are equipped with a sharpened pencil

3. Re-Fuel Before Homework

This is a very simple thing to do that will boost your child's ability to successfully complete their homework without undue hassle. Simply provide your child with a drink and a small snack after school. Have your kids take a potty break after their snack and then make them get to work.

4. Consistency is Important

Your kids should do their homework in the same spot (as much as possible) every day. They should do their homework at the same time every day. Try to plan anything you need to do around homework time. Consistency is going to help you build the foundation for your child to make them successful in homework without stress on your part.

5. Positive Reinforcement to Encourage Your Children

Nothing turns a kid off faster than a nagging parent. Children will work harder when they receive praise for their efforts. For children who are resistant to homework to the point of not doing it, you may want to consider a rewards system (stickers on a chart, for example) to encourage their success. For other children, specific, positive verbal praise will help encourage your kids to keep up the good work.

6. Teach Them Homework Responsibility

To reduce stress off your shoulders, teach your children to be responsible for their homework. This means teaching them to keep track of their assignments. Teaching them to put their completed work in their backpacks. After you consistently enforce the routines for doing homework, at some point your children should be on autopilot and do it themselves with you simply overseeing everything.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Excellent Tips For Preparing Your Toddler For a New Baby's Arrival

at 2:13 PM 0 comments
There's nothing more exciting than expecting a new baby. But for a toddler, a new sibling means a lot of unwelcome changes. To the toddler, who is probably used to being the center of attention most of the time, it seems like everyone has focused on this new baby and has forgotten about her. In most cases, she doesn't even fully grasp the idea that a new baby is coming, much less what it will mean to her. All she understands is that Mom, Dad, Grandma, and everyone else who used to give her lots of attention are now focused on the "baby". If you want to keep sanity in your home when the new baby arrives, it's critical that you begin preparing toddler for a new baby's arrival. And the sooner you begin, the better.

Start preparing your toddler for a new baby's arrival from the time you discover that you are going to have another child. Toddlers love stories, especially stories about themselves, and one of the best ways you can do this is by sharing stories of when you were expecting them, and when they were little babies. Whenever a new milestone in the pregnancy is reached, point it out to the toddler. Remember that this is all a new and fascinating experience for him. When Mommy's tummy begins to show, when the baby begins to move, even things like cravings can be an opportunity to share with your toddler about his new brother or sister. Have fun with it. Let your little one feel the baby kick, tell them any weird food cravings you may be having. Laugh about the new baby together. Remember that while Mom's body is experiencing changes and everyone is hustling around to get things ready for the baby, your toddler will need an extra helping of special attention.

Another way of preparing toddler for a baby's arrival is to invite friends over who have babies, the younger the better. Even if you don't have friends with babies, it's important to explain as best you can what to expect from the new baby. Tell your toddler that babies really mostly cry and sleep when they first come home. Tell him that you will often need his help by being very quiet so the baby can sleep. Say things like, "the baby will need lots of sleep so she can grow up to be as strong and smart as you are." Of course, if you invite friends with babies over, let your toddler observe the baby as much as possible. This will help her have an idea of what to expect from a baby.

And once the baby arrives, make sure that you use some of those times when the baby is asleep to give your toddler lots of special attention. Help him to focus on all the things that he can do that the baby can't yet. This will help him feel proud of himself, and may help lessen the feeling that the baby is getting all of his attention. And don't rush off every time the baby cries if you are doing something with your toddler. It won't hurt the baby if she cries for a minute or two, and it will affirm to your toddler that you love her, too.

Lastly, a word of encouragement...it can be exhausting raising young children. But it doesn't last forever. They do grow up. Enjoy them while they're little, even when they wear you out. All too soon, they will be grown up and you will be giving someone else advice on toddlers and babies as you look back over these precious days.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Parents Connecting With Children For Healthier Relationships

at 7:53 AM 0 comments
Children, by nature, crave to connect with adults. From birth, a child's survival and well being depends on adults noticing him or her and taking action. If a child can't connect with parents with positive behavior, he or she may do it by misbehaving. For younger kids, it may manifest as fussing and whining, while older kids may become obstinate or defiant to get a parent's attention. When parents focus on a child's bid for connection in positive, healthy ways, that child is less likely to act out.

Emotionally connecting with a child in positive ways starts with active listening. Active listening is the ability to accept what a child is saying, while not necessarily agreeing. Giving proper time and attention to a child through active listening will allow the child to fully process information emotionally, before considering logical ways to react. When active listening, the listener must not ask a lot of questions, offer explanations or advice, prematurely problem-solve, or passively reassure. When listening, it's best to say little or nothing if at all possible, or perhaps offer slight acknowledgements or affirmations, without judgment or agreement.

When listening to a child, be prepared for emotional honesty. Studies show that most kids are pretty poor liars. In the healthiest of relationships, honesty is encouraged and respected. Having an "open mind" often helps, as sometimes parents can be quite surprised at what is uncovered during healthy connection. Some limits may need to be set if too much emotion begins to flow.

In other efforts to connect with a child, state your goals clearly. Subtle and confusing bids for connection may miss the mark with most kids.

Mom: "Want to go have lunch?"


Steven: "I'm playing a video game right now"

During this exchange, Steven interprets his mom's bid for connection as a simple request for information, not an effort at connection. Here's what happens when mom is more clear:

Mom: "I haven't seen you much this week and I have the day off today. I'd like to spend some time together. Want to go have lunch?"

Steven: "I'm playing a video game right now. Could we do something later?"


Mom: "Sure, let's set a time now that we both can count on."

Finally, when emotionally connecting with a child, understand that emotions can be intense for children. Children do not have the life experience to easily get past or move on from emotional entanglements with family and peers. A child may not understand that the sadness, fear or anger he or she is feeling is not going to last forever. When talking to kids about feelings, don't underestimate or dismiss the intensity of what is being experienced. Parents can have the patience and focus to help a child navigate the emotional journey, in an effort to build even stronger connection.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Your HS Student May Not Be Ready For College

at 1:32 AM 0 comments
Before parents decide to send their High School graduates off to college, they should carefully consider their student's chances for college success. As they told me during my own freshman orientation, "Look to the right! Look to the left! One of those two students won't be here for graduation." Those odds are even worse at some colleges today. That's why it doesn't make sense for parents to send a child off to college when he/she is not prepared to succeed.

To help you determine if your High School student is ready for college, take a few minutes to think about four areas that directly influence college success.

College Basics

In college, students are expected to have the maturity to do what is needed. Successful students are reliable. They find out what has to be done and perform those requirements to the best of their abilities.

Wise parents determine whether their children have the maturity to perform the basic requirements for college success. They ask and answer these questions:

- Will your child attend all of his/her classes, even the 8 a.m. classes?

- Will your child complete all of his/her assignments?

- Will your child turn in those completed assignments on time?

- Will your child actively participate in classroom discussions?

- Will your child put in the hours needed to study for tests or to research and write papers?

Have you answered "yes" to each of these questions?

Required Communication Skills

To be successful in college, students should have above average communication skills. That means that your child can and will need to:

- Read ~ ~ Speed, Comprehension, Memory


- Write ~ ~ Spelling, Punctuation, Grammar, Logic, Content, Sentence Structure, Style

- Speak ~ ~ Thought Process, Vocabulary, Voice Quality, Presence, Body Language

- Present ~ ~ Preparation, Practice, Make & Defend Arguments, Answer Questions

- Listen ~ ~ Comprehension, Note Taking, Follow Instructions, Accept Criticism

Are your child's communication skills adequate for success in college?

Degree of Difficulty

Not every student is ready to perform at the higher level required in college. Students will quickly find that there is more work and that work is more difficult than they experienced in High School. If students are not ready to step up and perform without any hand holding, they will quickly fall by the wayside.

Is your child capable and ready to perform at a higher level?

Drive and Determination

This is probably the most important factor in college success. If your High School student has not expressed a strong desire to attend college and has seldom demonstrated the determination to succeed at something important, he/she may not be ready. Additionally, since most college students will encounter a few problems and disappointments along the way, only the most determined students will be able to pick themselves up, quickly dust themselves off and get back in the game.

Does your student have the drive and determination needed to succeed when things get tough?

When parents look at their children objectively by considering these four areas of concern, they will be in a better position to determine if their children are ready to perform in college.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Does Feeding Your Family Have You Feeling Like a Short-Order Cook? How to Make the Most of Mealtime

at 7:12 PM 0 comments
Balancing nutrition for an entire family of mom, dad, kids, toddlers and babies isn't easy. You want your kids to eat healthy food, but kids are notoriously picky eaters. Add to that a husband with a voracious appetite and your own desire to maintain a healthy weight (or, let's face it, lose a few pounds) and you're in a pretty tough spot. Is there a way to keep everyone happy without making yourself crazy in the process?

It's not uncommon for many moms to find themselves faced with a situation just like this. Here are some suggestions to help you balance your family's nutrition.

Make the right choice

First and most importantly, remember that healthy food is healthy food. By choosing the right foods, you can achieve everyone's nutritional goals in one fell swoop.

Fresh fruits and vegetables are always smart choices, and the kind where you can't go wrong. Adults and children should eat anywhere from five to 10 servings of fruits and vegetables per day. That means your hungry hubby can max out on 10 servings, your picky 5-year old can eat five servings, and you can settle yourself somewhere comfortable in between.

As for the rest of your family's diet, choose whole-grain breads, pastas, rice, low-sugar cereals, low-fat dairy, lean meat, fish and tofu to end up with a balanced, healthy meal. By finding items from these food groups that your kids like, you'll keep everyone - including yourself - healthy and happy.

Planning makes perfect

While it's important to choose the right kinds of foods for your family, it's very easy for busy moms and dads to fall into the fast-food trap. When you're working all day and commuting from work to home, it's tough to come home and whip up a gourmet, well-balanced meal in minutes.

Start by writing yourself a weekly menu before grocery shopping. Make what you can ahead of time, and simply warm it up when you get home. Cook up meals in larger batches and stick them in the freezer. Even try buying salad in a bag and preparing vegetables the night before. The more time you spend planning your menu, the less chance there is you'll stop at the local fast-food outlet on the way home.

Variety is the spice of life

It's easy to get stuck in a nutritional rut when you've got kids. Maybe your toddler wants to eat nothing but macaroni and cheese, or you've got a 6-year-old who will eat nothing unless it's dipped in ketchup. Making a well-balanced meal that incorporates your child's quirky eating habits is often a lesson in frustration.

Don't despair if your kids rely on certain staple foods. Instead, try to offer your kids a variety of different foods and different spices. They might reject the new flavours at first, but persistence will pay off and your kids will eventually eat many different kinds of food. If your child still refuses to eat new foods, just ease off the pressure for a while.

Baby steps

Finally, remember that introducing your kids to new foods takes time. The optimal time to start teaching them healthy nutrition is when they're just starting solid foods as babies. Studies have shown that the more variety, the more flavours you introduce early on, the better your children will be later on.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Solving Sibling Rivalry

at 12:51 PM 0 comments
Being raised in a family will inevitably bring about a touch of sibling rivalry. It is all just a part of the growing up process. It has always been the case since the beginning of time, and I guess it will never change.

To try to make it a little easier. You could always try what is known as passive parenting.

We all know that kids love to tell over their brothers or sisters, just to try and get them into trouble. It happens in every family in the world. The way to try to make things a little easier is to try to get a few ground rules set. It is okay to inform on your siblings if they are intentionally being destructive in the house or with your property, or if they are hurting you for no reason, but if they keep trying to tell over them for something insignificant, then tell them off instead.

Instead of always sorting out their problems all the time, occasionally why not just say something along the lines of "wow that must really annoy you" do not always fix the problem but offer a statement instead.

If they repeat the problem, you just repeat the statement, this may get them mad at first but it will eventually teach them to stand up for themselves and sort out the problem.

Your children should be encouraged to set their own rules for what is right and what is wrong.

Siblings must ask permission from one another before they can play with or borrow another sibling's toy or they must ask permission before entering another sibling's room.

Sibling rivalry is all part of growing up together. It always has been, and it probably always will be; but if we try to teach our kids how to handle situations with more authority, this will stand them in good stead for later life.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Tips to Encourage Your Teenage Son to Keep His Underpants On

at 6:31 AM 0 comments
Boys in particular need to have an avenue to channel their emotions. What does your son do? Does he go to school come back home and get glued to the television, computer, Xbox or PSP and any other gadget of its kind? If you respond to this in the affirmative, he is one of the 'at risk' ones.

I have found that boys crave for affection from their parents just as much or even more than girls. But we tend to dismiss them so quickly. For instance when they cry or sulk you here parents say, 'don't cry you are a boy.' Boys tend to be denied love too early which makes them go after girls because they still want to cuddle up with someone who is willing to let them. They want a girlfriend not because they really know what love is themselves but because they need someone to hold them, hug them and make them feel 'soft' and 'gentle'. If however, they are at the stage of puberty, sexual desires creep in and as they have always learned to suppress their feelings, they feel the urge to dispense now and see no reason why not.

Discussing with a few girls recently they informed me that the boys pressure them so much and refusal means the friendship is over. To be honest that saddened my heart. The girls were between sixteen and seventeen. In schools sex is mentioned to a child at about the age of ten but many parents are guilty of never mentioning a word about sex to their sons even at sixteen. Who do we expect to tell our sons or much more guide them if not the parents? From all what they see and hear they are already yearning to know what the 'hush hush' topic is all about so raising the subject will offer appropriate guidance and you a peace of mind.

A major influence is peer pressure. Those who have had sex tend to boast about it making the others feel out of touch and awkward by still being virgins. So it is up to us to encourage our sons to maintain their integrity.

Boys persuade girls to give in to their desires, if she refuses he says she doesn't love him, but when she gives in he wants more and more. As parents, it is our duty to guide our sons. First, demonstrate true love and encourage him to burn his energy elsewhere by signing him up at a football club, basket ball pitch, in a pool swimming or on the tracks running. He could play the guitar or other instruments, if not, involve him in what you do especially if you have a business of your own.

Do not assume that your son wants to be love free because he behaves as if he could not care less. Such ones are those who really yearn for love. Make out time to talk with your son, so you know his thoughts and feelings. It might be easy if you have developed a rapport with him but if it is what you just have to initiate, this is a good starting point. Maybe he always locks himself in his room, try and get him to spend more time with the other members of the family. Maybe everyone in your household stay apart anyway, it is a good way of bringing them all together. You can save your son and yourself from bitter repercussions by starting today with no delay.

Are you a concerned parent or teenager who wants to maintain your integrity visit the family unit and teenskorner at http://www.hopefortheliving.com for more inspiration.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Have Responsibility - Seven Stages of Self-Liberation

at 12:10 AM 0 comments
There are seven stages of self-liberation on the road from birth to death. Each stage represents a change in freedom available to people. Simultaneously, there is an invisible change in acquired responsibilities.

1st stage. At birth a new born liberates himself, with pain and a cry, from his mother's womb to the world. What freedom! Yet, no responsibility whatsoever. Mother and other caregivers around are fully responsible for baby. It is freedom with full supervision.

2nd stage. Baby starts walking. Struggling with gravity and learning to maneuver a little body he liberates himself for freedom to move. His mother is still responsible for his life and safety. But from now on if he falls to the ground he would know that he did it himself, not that the ground jumped up and hit him. With the first steps comes the first realisation that he needs to rely on himself.

3rd stage. A child goes outside. The yard and street have so much to offer! Yet, there are also dangers. The child is learning to recognise what is what, with supervision of mother. With age and experience supervision lessens, and responsibility of the child increases. It is a stage of half freedom and half supervision.

4th stage. A child goes to school! There is less and less supervision from mother, more and more responsibility is put on the child. Perhaps it takes a decade for the child to become fully prepared for independence.

5th stage. It is an invisible stage happening in the mind of the growing child. Nature offers the ability to give birth to another human being. It is a higher level of freedom, which one didn't have before. Yet it is a great responsibility. The efforts of the growing child in realising this responsibility is self-liberation from ignorance to knowledge. If this process doesn't happen internally (in the mind), the lesson of responsibility may be very painful.

6th stage. A child is grown up and starts his own life. No supervision, full external freedom. Everything now depends on how much the grown up has developed internal freedom. Ideally, the grown up child must be completely financially independent from parents; and hopefully continue fully attached to the parents by his soul.

7th stage. Death. Full freedom from responsibility.

There are different stages of human development. We described Simon Soloveychik's unique view on this process, which he calls self-liberation. In fact, people are doing this every day. They liberate themselves from problems by solving them. So do children in their lives. They are going about their day to day routines overcoming their helplessness, to become empowered, moving from dependence to independence. In this way they are learning to be responsible.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Create Magic With Your Daughter

at 5:50 PM 0 comments
Magic is the ability to change consciousness at will. As a mother of a nine-years-old girl, I am striving to teach her magic wherever possible.

The turning of the season is an excellent opportunity for using magic as a consciousness-shifting tool, and this past Spring Equinox was an exciting juncture for practicing this with my daughter.

Winter was almost gone, but its cobwebs lingered. I felt a little weighed down after the long inwards months, as if some clouds were still lingering internally, if not out in the sky. I had to do something to shake them off!

A dear friend, who was born in Iran, mentioned that Iranians celebrate the New Year on Spring Equinox, with a series of ceremonial jumps over a fire. This sounded exciting:-)

I invited my daughter, Ellah, to let go of winter and welcome the coming spring with some magic. This word always ignites her imagination, as it still does mine. We gathered various pieces of paper that represented winter, such as schedules, and cards with information or events that took place during the winter months.

A fireproof bowl and a box of matches in one hand, a jar of flax seeds in the other, we headed toward our back yard. The grass was still dewy and a few rays of sun created tiny rainbows through them. Magic was afoot...

We placed the bowl on the ground, scrunched our pieces of paper in it, and set them on fire! I didn't explain anything; rather I stepped back and watched the flames for a moment. What I wanted to let go of became clear in my mind's eye within seconds. I proceeded to sprint and leaped over the fire, calling out: "I'm letting go of winter's procrastination!"

Before I had a chance to ask if she knew what the word meant, Ellah was behind me, jumping over the fire and announcing what she was letting go of! We started laughing together, and run back for more. I briefly asked her, and realized she didn't know what 'Procrastination' was. "Going around in circles, and not doing what I planned to do," I said to her, to which she answered by jumping over the flame again, calling: "I let go of laziness!"

I was thrilled. There was no need for laying out the concept or launching into explanations. An honest example was enough for her to follow suit. We went on and on, leaping over the flames, calling out to our hearts' content, laughing, giggling, excited, and yes, empowered, since we knew something was truly shifting in our lives, as we announced it was...

Having burned the last of winter and released its lingering weight, it was time for planting!

I opened the flax seed jar, took a handful of tiny, smooth seeds in my hand, and scattered them in the wind, calling out my gratitude. Ellah didn't need an invitation. She took the jar and went for it. Passing the flax seeds from one to the other, we went all around our front and back yards, scattering them wildly everywhere, naming out loud what we are grateful for, what we are planting, what we wish to harvest.

When we came almost full circle, we were amazed to see a single, blue, flax flower, on a thin stem, growing in our front yard. I was speechless for a moment, and then realized, in my adult's left-brain, that this must be one of the first flax seeds to grow from last year's scattering. Ellah, though, announced categorically: "They grew, Mom! It's magic!" And there was no way I was going to dispute this.

Our consciousness was certainly not the same by the end of this magical morning. I felt lighter, springier, and much more motivated to tackle the tasks on my plate. Ellah was impacted, I'm sure, in more ways then I could know.

We created magic by changing our inner winter-consciousness into spring. The mechanical change of clocks stands in stark contrast. Better known as 'Spring Forward' -- it does anything but... The changing of clocks is an external act, which typically leaves us disoriented and out of sync for days, if not weeks.

Changing consciousness at will, by creating an outer representation of what we wish to transform, is an internal act, which reverberates in our body, heart, and spirit. Creating it together with a child is doubly rewarding.

When you next want to explain something to your young one, think of how you could do it magically. How would you create an act that is meaningful to you? Forget explanations. Modeling will do the job better than any words you may come up with!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Teaching Your Children to Treat Others With Respect and Dignity

at 11:29 AM 0 comments
The only way to teach your children to treat others with respect and dignity is to have them be treated that way. The early years of a child's life is when he learns about the world and how to get along with others.

Parents play a very important role when it comes to teaching children how to form healthy relationships with their peers. This social competence allows children to express their feelings better, empathize with others, and be cooperative and generous in general.

The best way to teach children this lesson is by modeling this behavior to them. For example, using the word "please" or lending a helping hand to those in need is essentially teaching them how you'd like them to act.

Have your children assist you with daily tasks. Whenever they willingly offer to help, accept it. Make it a point to praise your child's behavior, and help them realize how emotionally fulfilling it is to help other people out.

Socially competent children display a strong sense of self worth and importance. In essence, a child who feels good about himself finds it easy to treat others in a positive and helpful manner.

Encourage acts of generosity through simple things such as sharing and cooperation. Let your child know once it is someone else's turn to play with a toy or go on a swing. Then, praise your child for being able to recognize the need to give way to others. Don't forget to thank them for being polite and respectful as well as for sharing and being cooperative.

Based on their own experience, children know that words are very powerful. Name-calling and teasing can immensely affect other people's feelings. Children always want to be treated fairly. The only problem is that they don't always know how to treat others the same way.

The most effective way to teach your child the concept of fairness is to explain a rule to him, and point out the fact that it not only applies to him, but to others as well.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Child Bitten by a Pet Animal - How to Deal With It

at 6:09 AM 0 comments
Most often than not children enjoy touching other people's pets and, before they do, they should ask the owner for their permission before going ahead and doing so.

Addition, teaching them how they can avoid a dog's bite and how to avoid getting hurt by any animal is also a good idea.

However, although an owner would have given his/her permission, the animals has a mind of their own and the animal may not be too happy at being touched, or for one reason or another, it might, scratch or bite them.

Therefore, if your child has been hurt in any way providing that it is not severe, you can treat it this way.

Vaccination

Find out from the owner if the pet is up to date with its vaccinations. If it is, then you do not have to worry about getting a rabies shot. If it is not up to date or if are not comfortable with the answer, you can take the child to the emergency room.

Bleeding

Allow the area to bleed a little so that it can take out with it whatever particles came with the injury and it works, as it's own cleaning agent.

Soap and Water

After allowing it to bleed for a little bit, wash the wound with only soap and water. Yes, only soap and water and not alcohol or iodine. You can run it under the pipe and afterwards you can pat-dry it before putting a Band Aid on it.

Sometimes infection could hide under the skin and as it heals, it will show up, therefore, keeping an eye on it for a bit, is advisable.

Reminder

Depending on the laws where you are, remind or inform the owner of the animal that the pet has to be observer for at least ten day by a veterinarian. This is to ensure that it does not have rabies.

If the bite has left your child with numbness in the area bitten area, additionally, if the bite or scratch looks as though it need stitches, then do not hesitate to get some medical help for your young one.

After the young one has been taken care of, he/she may be more than happy to play with another animal. However, if he/she is now scared of animals, it is not a good idea to nurture this fear. Do whatever you can to get him/her to over came this feeling and be once more, their usual self.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Protecting Your Children From Online Predators

at 11:48 PM 0 comments
We've heard about online predators before, and we know that there are things we can do to protect our children from them. But have we really taken the time to look into those things?

Two of our children use the internet everyday. In this article, I'll be sharing some rules that we use with our children, to help you protect your own children while surfing the net.

First of all, make sure that an adult approves adding an email address. Make sure that your children do not send emails to strangers, or subscribe to emails on unfamiliar websites. You don't want junk mail flooding your children's inbox. There's a big possibility that junk mail can contain information you don't want your children seeing, as well as links to inappropriate websites.

It would also help to keep the computer in a place where you can keep an eye on your child while he or she is using it. It's harder to track what sites your kids visit when they use the computer in their rooms. These days, it's easy for children to gain access to all kinds of websites, even the ones that they're not supposed to see. Just to make sure, you can check the internet history of the computer after your child uses it.

If you still feel the need to double check, you can check your child's email account. There you will be able to screen the emails that have been sent or deleted.

Come up with a list of favorites for the websites that they're allowed to view. If they want to check out a new website, make an effort to screen it first.

Don't allow them to search through Google or other search engines. Making sure that they stick to the websites you've approved makes their internet experience safer.

Following these suggestions will help ensure your child's safety while surfing the net. The world our kids live in today is definitely different from ours. It's always helpful to go the extra mile to make sure that they're safe.

 

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